(Closed) Getting married on Sunday.. About at my breaking point..

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
6593 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@FutureDrAtkins:  I know it’s difficult but if anyone else says anything you have carte blanche imo to tell them to go F themselves.  Your wedding is this weekend and people can’t understand that you don’t mess with a bride a few days before her wedding.  Stop answering calls, emails, Facebook, whatever it takes to avoid these dumba$$ people until after the wedding.  They’ll just have to get over it.  As you can tell I have zero patience for rude people like the ones you’re dealing with.  Just breathe and focus on enjoying your wedding day.  If people crash then smile and hug them and move on; if they don’t have a seat or a meal that’s their problem since they weren’t invited.

Post # 18
Member
512 posts
Busy bee

Man that sucks! Sounds so stressful! I’m sorry you’re going through this and people are being such bullies and jerks. 

However it’s not entirely fair to invite people to showers or parties if they aren’t invited to the wedding. It’s like saying they’re good enough to spend their money on you but not vice versa. So I can see your friend being really hurt she was left out.

That said her reaction was TOTALLY over the top. Along with all the others. It is extremely rude to ask for invitations to someone’s wedding. In general, people should not have the gall to say such things, and really they make themselves look like jerks when they do it publically. 

As for the cousin saying she’ll crash, you have received good advice on how to handle her. Write a drippingly sweet and kind note telling her no way in hell, or having a family member take care of it. I doubt she really will take the time to show up, and she is probably just talking to upset you. If she has kids, I can’t see her willing to give up a weekend just to spite someone, she’d have to be very mentally unstable to do so. Either way, for your own comfort, just speak with the facility about removing uninvited guests and have someone ready to manage just in case the day of. 

Post # 19
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@FutureDrAtkins:  Im sorry you are going through this sweetie. I would recommend you maybe deactivate your facebook for awhile, and just fly under the radar. Focus on the amazing thing – YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED! And don’t worry about all these selfish bitter Betty’s.

Post # 20
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I don’t think she needs to be told she shouldn’t have invited people to the pre-wedding parties that weren’t invited to the wedding at this point…I feel like telling her she made a bad decision is invalidating right now. I am kind of sick of “wedding etiquette,” “shoulds and shouldn’ts”, people do what feels right to them, there isn’t a set in stone way of doing things. Also, she couldn’t predict that people would go batshit crazy like they did!

Futuredoc, I wish I could tell you the perfect thing to make you feel better!! I am so sorry the week before the wedding is blowing up like this and this crap is taking away from an otherwise exciting time in your life. My “psychology” self wants me to tell you to just “let this pass,” and know that when the day comes, it will be wonderful and after the fact all this crap won’t matter. The people who are meant to be in your life will be there, and maybe all this is a blessing in disguise because it is weeding selfish, nasty folks from your life to make room for people who deserve to be there. Hopefully this isn’t too hippie/head in the sky sounding. I know you are super stressed right now….I wish you the best, and look forward to reading an amazing post-wedding post! Hang in there!!!

Post # 21
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  I’m going to PM you. I went through something like this as well. 

Post # 22
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I don’t have much in advice that other bees haven’t said.

Regarding your honeymoon, eh you can take one later when it’s better timing for you both Smile

Regarding your bitch ex friends..good riddance! You sound like a much nicer person than them and don’t need bitches like that in your life. Seriously who does this? Why the hell are they acting like 15 year old high schoolers? You are better off without them!

The cousin asking if you are pregnant…. well some people are dumb and lack a filter.

The cousins wife freaking out….Your Fiance needs to call his cousin and tell him to tell her to chill the hell out. If they can’t get a sitter for his bachelor party then fine, he won’t go. Also he needs to make it VERY clear that this wedding is invite only and cousins are not invited and if they do show up for the ceremony they will NOT be welcome at the reception since it’s already planned and there is no adding wedding crashers. Seriously, has his grandma told everyone when/where it is and encouraged them to come? If so he needs to tell her to knock that shit out and crashers will be turned away and SHE will be embarassed because she invited them, not you and Fiance.

Above everything else…just breathe! You are getting married Sunday to the love of your life in what sounds like a beautiful intimate ceremony, try to have a glass of wine tonight and relax. Everything will work out.

 

Post # 23
Member
2354 posts
Buzzing bee

@FutureDrAtkins: 

How are these people ridiculously entitled ? I can totally understand why you would feel that way. Now, there’s really nothing you can do since it’s all paid for, and my only advice would be to take a deep breath and go on with everything you’ve planned, trying to tell you your day is going to be beautiful with family you CHOSE to have there. You’ll deal with ”cousin drama”, if there is even one, after (for now, it seems like only 2 out of the 30-ish cousins you both have confronted you and was rude about not being invited – it’s her being rude, not you. We’re not inviting cousins either.)

About the friends … let me see, she never congratulated you, she said snarky remarks about your wedding and judged your choices, and she went gossiping to all your other friends in order to keep them away from you. Couldn’t this be a blessing in disguise ? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in your shoes in the past, and it hurts when it happens. But you know what ?  It  showed me the girl’s true colors, and how unidirectional our relationship has been. You said : 4 years giving your friendship to them, and what do they give to you ? Nothing ? Hurt and resentment and gossip ? Do you need people like those in your life ? 

I know it’s a lot to deal with emotionally right now, but you really have to choose which battles you’re ready to fight, and which are worth fighting for. If you think 1 couple can just appear on ”the day”, then I would tell the caterer and act gracious about it, not because you agree with those rude people, but because believe me, you will feel so much powerful if you just smile at them and let them be disapproved by the family, while you enjoy your day. Not worth fighting over on the wedding day. Same with so-called friends who can’t even support you. I agree with the PPs who suggested being more distant on Facebook. Take a break in order to keep focus. You’ll see about that after your wedding, and maybe it will give you time to think and to see things differently. But don’t see them as a 4 year waste of friendship … it’s not your place to feel guilty, it’s them. Shame on them and their childish, entitled and rude attitude.

And please tell your family about this. Your mother, people you can trust … it’s a lot on your shoulders right now. It’s already stressful to be a few days away from the wedding. Maybe they will talk to the 2 cousins and help keep things at peace.

From today on, you need to tell yourself your wedding is going to be amazing. Please don’t let these people win at making you feel bad.  *hugs*

Post # 25
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@FutureDrAtkins:  You know what girl?

It has BLOWN my mind how having a wedding will change the dynamics of certain relationshps in your life, and how the people around you go crazy no matter how hard you try to accommodate them or explain, or stretch yourself so thin to make other people happy. I refuse to allow you as another March ’14 bride to be bullied any further (mostly because I have been pushed around so much throughout this process myself). I know what is going on right now hurts — but I’m going to need you to rapidly come down with a case of the IDGAFs!

 

From now on, I am requesting you to be fresh out of fucks to give. You don’t have to be nasty – but you need to emotionally distance yourself from all of the negativity swirling around you and focus on marrying the love of your life. Everything else is just frosting. I hope your day gets better, and please know we are all behind you.

Post # 26
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  Awwww, honey I’m so sorry people are being assholes about this.  Totally uncalled for.  I know people give brides a hard time about becoming “bridezillas” and all that jazz, but it’s shit like this that takes an already stressful and highly emotional time and makes it worse.  There should be a word for people like those like “Famzilla” or something.  It really is crazy at how people react to weddings. I mean, can you see them acting that way over a birthday party or something smaller? (I hope not! haha)

Your wedding is about you and your husband to be, not them. If they can’t grasp that then that’s their problem. Don’t let them make it yours because they want to act like selfish children.

Regarding the girl who “boycotted” your bachelorette party. I’m sorry, but what a bitch.  If one of my friends were getting married and in your situation but invited me to her bachelorette party, I wouldn’t be offended at all.  It’s a financial thing, not a personal one.  I’d be happy to share what I could with you for your marriage!  Etiquette schmettiquete.  Take the situation for what it is and be happy that you were able to weed a snake out of your garden!

As far as your cousin goes, well… I don’t know her or your relationship with her.  That could be one of those things where she was deliberately being catty, or she could have just been thoughtless and said something shitty without thinking about how it would come off.  The same cannot be said for your fiance’s cousin though. Why on earth would anyone say they’re comiing to a wedding whether you like it or not? I mean come on. That’s just being deliberately antagonistic.  This is one of those things I’d ask Mr. Atkins to handle before I go Super Bitch on her and handle it myself. She’s out of line.

All that being said, you have a few people in the grand scheme of things that are acting like children. This is compared to the many more that are there and supportive of you and the ones that will actually be there on the day of.  Tune the assholes out and focus on the good.  

And don’t sweat the honeymoon thing. There will be time in the future for that! Nothing says you absolutely have to go  right after your wedding. DH and I got married in Sept and are planning on going on our honeymoon in May. The excitement is NOT lost at all! =)

 

 

Post # 27
Member
623 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Boy, weddings bring out the worst in people, don’t they??

My sister went through this a couple of years ago where she had a small intimate wedding and reception at a restaurant.  We have a big family so there were a lot of cousins that weren’t invited.  It caused a heck of a lot of drama and fortunately, my mom interviened and talked to the PITA cousins herself.  When these same cousins got married later and realized how difficult cutting down a guest list could be, they got it.

My sister had some friends that had some hard feelings, but her real friends got over it rather quickly.  Her more fringe friends, which ironically caused the biggest stink, kind of distanced themselves from her, which was fine by her.  The friends that really mattered understood.

The drama will die down once the wedding is over and it will be awkward for a while, but as time goes on it will get easier.

Post # 28
Member
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I’m sorry, what a nightmare.  God I want to punch that one college b*tch friend of yours right in the … well you can probably guess.

All I can tell you is to keep your cool, keep telling people that you had to keep it a very small affair even though you would have loved to have them there, and in three days, none of this will matter cause YOU’LL BE MARRIED to the love of your life!!!!!! Wheeee!  No petty thing that anyone can do will change how freaking awesome that is. 

So just take a deep breath and focus on all the very exciting wonderful things taking place!

Post # 29
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Try to not give a fuck. Have your day, sic your bridesmaids on anyone talking shit and feed the people you’ve paid for. So far, you’ve been guilted out of your honeymoon, having and paying for a wedding you didn’t want to have, lost friends because of 1 bitch, and are taking shit from people you never intended to invite in the first place. Stop letting people walk all over you and ignore them. Or tell them to shut the fuck up. If they don’t care enough to not say hurtful things to you, you shouldn’t care to put it back to them.

I’d have my wedding, strut my ass down that aisle, marry my man, and the rest of them could go to hell.

Post # 31
Member
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If you have not done so, deactivate FB right now!  You don’t need to be reading any BS this week. 

 

go on with your lovely plans.  When uninvited cousins show up, there will not be a placecard or seat for them. They will look foolish,  Not you.

 

FWIW, we had 24 guests at our gorgeous wedding, no cousins invited. They were slightly hurt until they understood it was intimate, with  immediate family only. 

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