(Closed) Getting married on Sunday.. About at my breaking point..

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m dealing with the same thing – everybody decided this past week that they’re going to go nuts.

Really everybody?? NOW???

 

Post # 33
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

@FutureDrAtkins:  These people are being completely unreasonable. If you had done a civil ceremony at the court house, they wouldn’t have expected to be invited, so they shouldn’t expect to be invited here.  I am so sorry you have cruel people in your life who don’t understand varied financial situations. I may have done the traditional wedding thing, but looking back on it, we really could have used that money for something much more special than a single party. I can’t believe that there are adults out there who don’t understand things like that. The fact that your former friend intentionally turned people against you out of spite is ridiculous. I hope she feels bad about her actions one day.  I am sorry you have to deal with this.

 

Post # 34
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureDrAtkins:  You FH needs to call his cousin and let hin know about his wife. It’s not about them; it’s about being fair to other cousins who were not invited.

Post # 35
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@FutureDrAtkins:  You need to just let go and let the cards fall as they may. It’s too late to worry about it. 

Honestly, if one of my best friends didn’t invite me to her wedding but was actually having a wedding that she was inviting friends to, I’d be totally miffed and would probably pull back from the friendship. To me, it would come off as a statement that the bride doesn’t really consider me “best friend” material. But to not invite me and then want me to come to your bachelorette party? No deal there. I’m not putting it on solely on you because their behaviour is pretty dispicable, but you can’t expect people to fawn over your wedding wedding by attending festivities when you’ve essentially told them you don’t think they’re important enough to share your wedding with. That’s a little too much “having a cake and eating it too” mentality.  Same thing with a cousin and a bachelor party. If they’re getting invites for some of the festivities but not the wedding, of course they’re going to tell you they didn’t get an invite. Again, her behaviour was rude, but the whole “make a deal about my wedding you aren’t invited to” thing extends to your Fiance. 

It’s totally ok to have a small wedding because of financial limitations. I actually got married with JUST DH in large part because of finances. But you have to navigate it really carefully. 

FWIW, by this time next week, you’ll be basking in the bliss of having committed your life to your DH. Really, that’s the only thing that matters. You’ll probably have to decide which relationships are worth repairing and which aren’t, but at the end of the day you’ll be moving forward with your new baby family. 

Congrats in advance!

 

Post # 36
Member
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@FutureDrAtkins:  Breathe and let it go. Your day, as you said is going to be beautiful. I think when stressful situations approach us we find out really quick who really means the most to us and who really cares about us. In my opinion, when someone shows you who they reallly are, you should believe them.

It is so incredibly cruel for someone to make you feel bad about a day that is so special. How selfish is it of them to put so much importance on their presence? As if your day won’t mean as much without them there.

Dust your shoulders off. Before you know it you are going to be a married woman. Sending good vibes your way my dear!

Post # 37
Member
3022 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

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@beachbride1216:  +1  Yep, go into blackout mode.

I can’t believe your terrible friend and her “boycott.” I guess in the long run you’re better off without them, but it’s so shocking when people show those kind of true colors. I’m really sorry that happened.

There is nothing you can do about the terrible behavior of these people except try to avoid them. Do what Beachbride said and go into blackout mode. You don’t need this kind of stress.

Also, keep breathing!!! Get some extra snuggles from your Fiance, too!

Post # 38
Member
312 posts
Helper bee

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@HappySky7: &
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@kellyk1214:  Yes.

 

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@FutureDrAtkins:  I am so sorry. Definitely with PP’s who said time to say IDGAF and let the haters hate. At a certain point, you gotta take care of you. I know family and friends are important on this day, but I’m definitely in the This-Is-About-Me-and-FI camp.

I am planning several events surrounding my wedding day to which all will be invited. But the ceremony itself will be as intimate as possible. I’m making this clear from the beginning, so that it won’t come as a surprise to anyone. I don’t necessarily agree with PPs who said that you were in the wrong to invite guests to parties if they couldn’t attend the wedding – especially if they were local. As long as you’re clear about it, you’re good to go in my book. In any event, I know it’s too late for that now, just hoping to give you a vote of confidence ๐Ÿ˜›

Best of luck to you, OP. You’re getting MARRIED on Sunday – enjoy it from here. Take as much time to sit in peace with your Fiance and relish these last few days ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 39
Member
3022 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

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@MissCoCo:  I”m going to have to save that “Look at all…” That made me happy way down to my toes!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

Post # 40
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

As much as it feels terrible, remember that if that’s how those people react to you not having enough money to throw them a bit party, then they aren’t the people you want standing beside you or celebrating with you at your wedding. Definitely have your fiancé deal with that wife, sometimes you really need that united front to settle people down, and as for the girl who boycotted your bachelorette, that girl is so busy navel-gazing and is too focused on what you can do for HER instead of what she can do for YOU to celebrate YOUR special day. I’m really sorry that happened to you, but again, try to focus on the people who have your back and surround yourself with them.

No one in my program will even acknowledge I’m engaged, much less congratulate me, and it’s been really difficult to be surroudned by disapproving people so I kinda understand where you’re coming from. Every time I get to go out with friends who are truly happy for me, regardless of what I can afford or what I’m doing, it helps me to forget all of those people and realize who I truly want supporting me and my marriage.

I also gave up my honeymoon for a bit of a larger wedding to satisfy my family, I was content with a sundress and destination wedding, but I know I’ll get to spend the rest of my life adventuring with him and that a honeymoon isn’t time-sensitive ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you at least get the opportunity for a wonderful, relaxing, romantic staycation, and that you get to enjoy your day.

Post # 41
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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@kellyk1214:  “I’d have my wedding, strut my ass down that aisle, marry my man, and the rest of them could go to hell.”

+10000!!!


Post # 42
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@FutureDrAtkins:  There comes a point in every lady’s life, when she has gone as far as being polite will get her….and she has been pushed to her breaking point and its time to tell everyone exactly how this is going to happen:

1.  We’re having this wedding for all of you because you couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing us get married, so shut up, eat your fucking cake and compliment me on my hair.

2.  If anyone is interested, I wanted a honeymoon…so any last minute gifters looking to make my day are most welcome at this point.

3.  The guest list is set, I don’t want to hear it, all interlopers will be shot on site.

4.  Any person who mentions the “Boycotter” in my presence will be fined, $100 for each offense.

Post # 44
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I understand. I really do. We had a small wedding (150, so not as small as yours) we cut off the invites at great aunts and uncles. So that meant none of my second cousins were invited. Now people may be like, “What the heck! Second cousins?” Yes, I have a large extended family and am very close with all of them. Well, my Nana has a big mouth and was talking to one of them about the wedding. so she asked when we were sending out invitations. My nana said “I’m sure you’ll get yours soon.”   … My nana was the one helping with the guest list and knew perfectly well who was going to be invited and who wasn’t. Blah! Then my cousin was talking to another cousin who also wasn’t being invited, and assumed she wasn’t invited because we disagreed with her lifestyle, which Again, we didn’t invite her because she is a second cousin. I ended up just inviting second cousins who live within an hour of the ceremony hall, which only added 6 people. Anyway. Sorry for your family and friends. They’re not being very understanding of your situation. I agree with what some other bees said. Just don’t care. I honestly stopped stressing after I stopped caring. I cared about the details and everything, just not about what everyone thought. It’s your wedding, not theirs. So you can do whatever you want.

Post # 45
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

I agree with those telling you to ignore the hissy fits and focus on your happy day.

But, once it’s all over, you might want to take steps to mend these relationships that mean a lot to you, because I gotta be honest – you did breach etiquette by inviting people to wedding-related events but not the wedding. It’s very reasonable that they assumed they were being invited because they were invited to those other events. Now, how they handled it was childish and silly, but they weren’t wrong in wondering WTF about why they weren’t invited. Would have been better to have a small post-wedding celebration with the friends you couldn’t invite after the fact, but it’s water under the bridge at this point so don’t worry about it.

 

 

Post # 46
Member
387 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@prahajess:  Girl! Doesn’t it though?

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