- 5 years ago
I’ve never written a post before and I’m not even sure if this is the right space. In August I am getting married for the 1st time, it will be by fiance 4th marriage. I am 32 and he is 60 and most of the time i never think about his age and have known him for many years, first as a friend then a lot more. I think it’s important to write that although we knew eachother socially their was no romantic involvement between us whilst he was married or I was with other people.
I know the reasons his previous marriages broke down and call me skeptical but i cross referenced everything he told me with his adult children, their partners, our joint friends and his exes ( I know 2 out of the 3)
His 1st wife and mother of his kids ( who he is always civil to, ran away with his best friend who was worth big bucks at the time and said she left for greener financial pastures. Whilst we will never be friends we are civil as she will always have a relationship in his life as the mother of his kids)
His 2nd wife was diagnosed with aggressive cancer just after they were married, I heard from her ex husband that my fiance held her hand right through treatment and she made the decision to walk away after her treatments
The 3rd wife ( who i knew casually) and most of the family knew, left with the money and everything else ( my fiance at the time had been unable to work because of a car accident and accident at work and the financial stress just grew to much.
In all his previous marriages abuse, neglect or abandonment has not been an issue, he has loved them all, not fought for his fair share and supported his 3 kids through everything. His first wife said that he has never once hit her or emotionally abused her. ( This is important to me as I was the victim of emotional, physical and sexual abuse by my first partner and it has left it scars)
We have been together for 4 years and in that time we have faced family medical crisis’s, job loss, nursed his mother until she passed away from dementia, buried his older brother and care part time for my disabled brother.
He gets on very well with my family and my dad gave permission for him to propose
But getting closer to the wedding I don’t know if it’s cold feet or something worse
Why am i scared of getting hurt? of being widowed young? Why am i scared of all these if’s and buts like if he gets dementia, what heppens if he dies early and any kids that we have might lose a father figure. My head is like a twirly see saw at the moment, add that to working 2 jobs, planning a wedding and trying to take over the world I feel like a mess.
Are these fears normal? We have had all the BIG important talks, money, pre nups, medical directives, our expectations of marriage.
I’m sorry for the very long post, hoping someone has been in a similiar situation and can help