Post # 1
Me and my Fiance took the FOCCUS back in September and we are getting our results today! Yup after 4 months. I kept calling the church counselor and she told me to be patient and wait for her to contact me.
We have completed almost all of the other classes (we’re in the middle of NFP) and most couples we talked to had already received their FOCCUS results.
After 5 years together I believe we have good communication and know each other pretty well, my SO is my best friend. But I am still a little nervous about the experience. The lady sounds a little “mean” on the phone, I almost wanted to call the church and ask for another advisor but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt being that we haven’t met in person yet.
Did any of you Catholic bees have any problems with the FOCCUS?
Post # 3
No. We took the FOCUS test when we started our Pre-Cana classes and on the second last class we got it back.
Post # 4
I scored a 93% on it. We got a 100% on communication. Darling Husband scored in the 80s. Our priest was very nice but he basically wanted to talk to Darling Husband further about why he scored lower than me..
I don’t know about you, but we really didn’t take it seriously. I wasn’t worried or anything that Darling Husband scored lower than me.
Edit: We definitely took the test seriously, but we didn’t over analyze the results – that is what I meant to say!
Post # 5
@eperez21: We never got a score. There were just points the woman who went through it with us guided us through talking about. I don’t think we did well, but I think that’s because we’re both very eccentric people who overthought the entire test. I mean, we got a red flag because my husband said yes to having a sense of loss about marrying me. He had a sense of loss though because he was both attracted to monastic life (becoming a monk) and married life. Regardless of which one he choice, he was closing the door to the other and there was a sadness.
I also overthought sexual issues. I was generally petrified of sex and didn’t know what to expect so I admitted a lot of fears that had nothing to do with my relationship with my now husband. And he was very aware of my fears. The woman found it refreshing that I was a virgin and laughed it off. However the manner in which I was read led me to develop an exeraged fear about sex that had physical consequences. I had a great deal of difficulty consumating our marriage, but again this was something my husband and I had discussed during our courtship.
And then there was the fact that we didn’t care for some of our friends on both sides. Well, I had a friend who was acting so rude and insane during my engagement that the friendship ended up ending months later. We both didn’t care for her. And my husband had friends’ from college that even he acknowledged he wouldn’t want to hang around once we had children. So it wasn’t an issue even though it was the truth that we didn’t care for each other’s friends’ technically speaking.
Since we’ve gotten married, we socialize with all the same people and the same quality of people. And frankly I respect my husband for loving people so well that he was able to be friends with people who make me terribly uncomfortable. He has a level of tolerance I do not have.
Post # 6
Well we got the results and apparently they were low. We went through most of the questions and it came to how we interpreted at the moment.
The lady was nice buta little rude at times, interrupting our conversation and saying its how you feel now not when you took the test.
Some questions are very poorly worded or vague and we had to explain the reasoning behind it. We tried to take it serious but it was a little difficult when the lady interrupted the explanaition and gave us a lecture, for example there in one question that asked if we chose a birth control and I had put undecided because I wanted to learn more about NFP and she kept us telling us that is important we choose something before we get married. Like I mentioned we took this test 4 months ago and we have addressed most of the major issues so of course our answers have changed.
But thanks for the advice bees.
Post # 7
@MlleBrielle: Um…. what? FOCCUS is supposed to locate potential areas of conflict that you can think about before Pre Cana. There are no “right” or “wrong” answers (apart from the thoroughly obvious red flag ones). If there’s a %, it should be the % that matches your future spouse… how could your FH “score lower”? Weird!