Post # 1
Little back story: SO and I have been together 9 months and are extremely happy. He was planning a proposal later this year, around Xmas time, with it being closer to our 2 year mark. Unfortunately, he is going through treatements for testicular cancer (chemotherapy) and we just found out that his sperm count is extremely low. It’s not going to get better. If anything, it will worsen with the chemo permanently.
I am a month shy of 33. The ONLY way we can ever get pregnant is by IVF. Because of this, SO wants to get married in a couple of months. I’m not even engaged. Our engagement would be VERY quick, which is fine because I don’t want a wedding at all.
I am happy to be getting engaged so soon, but I also feel partially robbed of the surprise, romantic element. I just wanted to share, and perhaps look for consoling from the board.
I hope I don’t sound like a brat. This will be a first marriage for me and I have never been proposed to before. I’m happy and I know he’s it. I just feel like things are rushed and unromantic.
Thanks for reading!
Post # 3
Oh I’m sorry you feel this way, but it is completely understanding. Most of us as girls when we were children we had ideas of a diamond ring, prince charming on one knee confessing his love, a ball witha beautiful gown… It’s kind of like a womans passage into the mommy wife world. Into the next stage of life, something that should be important and beautiful. Could you talk to him about it, tell him you would prefer a thought out engagement and such? You don’t want to spend the next 15 years wishing you’d had that dream proposal engagement wedding
Post # 4
I’m sorry you feel like you’re going to miss out. But you don’t have to! I think most of us expected to get engaged, but that doesn’t mean our proposals weren’t exciting or surprising! Just because you’re gonna get married quick doesn’t mean he can’t still propose. Just tell him you still want your surprise romantic proposal, and have low expectations. 🙂
Post # 5
Can i tell you what i think?! I think that what you are doing is extremely romantic, it’s true love! I’m sure that there’s a lot of woman that in a situation like this would leave him and prefer to share their life wiht someone healthy. Don’t worry, from all of us, u are the most romantic, you prove with your attitude that your love is true! Oh, it could be a movie!
And sure, tell him that you still want the proposal of your dreams.. if its possible..
Kisses from Brazil!
Post # 6
@ingridp: I was just going to say this! All of it 🙂 Great minds…
I am in the camp that what you are doing is more romantic than a surprise proposal because it says everything: you can make it through the tough times and if you didnt truly love each other, you would have parted ways when he was first diagnosed.
So happy for you 🙂 and I hope that his health continues to be on the rise. Your love story is the stuff of movies, so dont feel bad for not having the fairy tale wedding/proposal that we women have shoved in our faces since the moment we are born.
Post # 7
Wow! I feel 5,000 times better! I feel that the biological pressure is putting an artificial rush on our relationship. I can’t believe I am saying this, because I have had 3 other relationships before SO and ALL of them ended because after a certain period of time, they weren’t “sure” I was the one. Great relationships, but I kept choosing commitment-phobes. Hence the reason I am pushing 33 with not one single proposal in my life, even though I am kind, attractive and have a great job and a life full of quality friends and hobbies. I thought there was something wrong with me, and that I was undesirable for not being chosen yet.
Then I meet SO, who wants to get married after only 9 months together. I feel I am missing out on the courtship, and we are dealing with cancer every day. He has already lost a testicle at age 28. His sperm levels are dropping off like crazy. He has 5% of the sperm he “should” have. We have 10 vials frozen right now, but all of the vials have a low sperm count.
I have a 5 year old already, so I am capable of carrying a child. IVF is a reality for us. We just found out yesterday and went out for dinner with puffy, red eyes. He pretty much told me he wants to get married in May when his school semester is done. I’m shocked and excited, but a little sad.
All responses were awesome. I love the hive!