(Closed) …getting nervous

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

It sounds like you just need a bit more time. Is it possible to postpone the wedding? One year is a relatively short time to date someone, even if you’ve known them your whole life. If it were me, I would rather put off the wedding and be 100% sure than get married feeling even 1% unsure about it. 

Post # 5
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think it’s a good idea to talk to your Fiance about your feelings.  But also, In My Humble Opinion, part of why you feel nervous and scared is because you were once married to a loser who didn’t treat you well.  Even though your Fiance is nothing like your ex, you may still be traumatized over what your ex did to you and scared you’re going to put yourself in the same position.  I guess some people could say one year or two years isn’t long enough to know that you want to get married (I was dating Darling Husband for almost 5 years when we got married, but I was only 22 when we got engaged @ 4 years of dating), but it sounds like you’ve known your Fiance for 9+ years so I sincerely doubt he’s going to suddenly turn into a lying, cheating scumbag after you get married.

Post # 7
Member
1113 posts
Bumble bee

Sounds like you are having the typical jitters. Don’t be nervous. Sounds like you have nothing to worry about. A man who has seen your worst, ogled you for over 9 years, been there at the darkest time of your life, and helped you become a better person out of it…he sounds like one heck of a man!!!

From what you said, it sounds like he will love you unconditionally. Remember, your last marriage was a whole OTHER marriage. It takes two people to make something bad, or to make it wonderful. Your past experiences are just that – behind you. 

Best of luck to you, girl. xo

Post # 8
Member
2437 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@heathuhhhhwebbbb:  I think it’s normal to get a little nervous, it is a big commitment :)– just take a deep breath and think of all the things you love about your Fiance. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@heathuhhhhwebbbb:  I don’t think anyone can answer that question except for you. I am kind of starting to freak out as it gets closer and I never went through a nasty divorce before! I think it’s normal to be nervous, as long as you aren’t doubting getting married to your Fiance then I think you’ll be okay.  Maybe visit a therapist for a few sessions to work through some of your feelings to give you some peace of mind? I don’t think you need to postpone the wedding unless you are doubting spending the rest of your life with your fiance.

Post # 10
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@heathuhhhhwebbbb:  From reading your post, I’m getting the sense that you may not necessarily be seeing things as they are,  but that you instead may be trying to re-shape events so that they line up with how you think they’re supposed to be

If that’s true, then you may not really be ready  to marry your Fiance right now.

For example, you wrote the following sentence regarding the ending of your first marrigae:

“It was neither one of our faults, we just had different ideas on where we should be and what we both wanted in our lives at that time.” 

However, you quickly follow that with the following comment:

“Shortly after I moved out and left him for lying and cheating pretty much … ”

It seems to me that you’re trying to justify in your mind  a good, friendly positive reason why your first marriage ended — but the facts (as you’re presenting them to us) indicate that your first husband did some very negative things that ultimately led to the destruction of the marriage. You seem to be trying to cast him a positive light, when, in fact, he did things that were not very positive at all. If that’s the case, and given your turmoil over the issue of marrying your current Fiance, I am wondering if you possibly may be doing the same thing now.

You noted that you began dating your Fiance shortly after you left your first husband and that you were engaged within a year. Based on that, it doesn’t seem as if you had almost any time on your own to process what happened in your first marriage or to even truly grieve the loss of that marriage, before you found yourself once again in a committed relationship that was racing toward marriage.

I am concerned that you literally have talked yourself into wanting to marry this man, and your mind has been convinced that you should.  However, I think what you’re feeling is coming from some underlying feelings of fear and confusion as to whether or not you’re doing the right thing. I’m not sure you’re truly in a position to just “decide” to move forward and ignore the fact that your gut is churning over this decision. I hope that what I’m trying to say makes sense.

Post # 14
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@heathuhhhhwebbbb:  Why are you rushing into another marriage? That’s why you’re nervous about it. You need a bit more time.

Post # 16
Member
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Are you an anxiety prone person? I am, and I have found myself worrying and overanalyzing things in my relationship. Slowly, I have gotten better, but the stress of wedding planning certainly brings it out of me at times. Maybe this is true for you? If so, I would say it does not necessarily signal that anything is wrong with your relationship.

I hope that made some sense!

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