- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
I am having the hardest time with my wedding planning. So much so that I am really regretting that my fiance and I didn’t just elope. I need some advice because I really just want to throw in the towel on the whole wedding, and if we hadn’t spent thousands of dollars in deposits already, I really would just call it off and go to the courthouse.
Here is the backstory: my fiance and I live on the East Coast away from most of our family and friends who are back in the Midwest. Both our parents are divorced (his dad and mom have both been divorced twice, my dad just got remarried to wife #3) so our family situation is complicated. We dated a long time before getting engaged and for years have been hearing comments like, “when are you getting married?” so we thought our families would be thrilled for us to finally tie the knot. We also were under the impression that our families were expecting us to have a big family wedding. (Years of hearing comments like, “oh our family needs an occasion to get together that’s not a funeral,” and “there hasn’t been a family wedding in years” gave both of us that impression.)
So, we decided to get married in my hometown back in the Midwest and thought everyone would be thrilled. But instead, we’ve gotten a completely lukewarm reception. Our parents now seem to think that we’re having a “ridiculous” and “fancy” wedding, as if this was something we were selfishly doing for ourselves and not for them. (However, if it were up to us we would have gone to the courthouse – but we didn’t want to disappoint family and thought it would be nice to have a fun event to bring our family and friends together.) We are paying for at least 1/2 of it ourselves and have not put any pressure on anyone for money – we merely asked at the beginning each parent if they could contribute and have been very appreciative to all of them for what they could give. So I find this change of heart to be ridiculous, especially since even when we had told our parents we wanted to have a more intimate wedding, my dad and his mom gave us lists with 50+ names of people we “had to invite.”
This would all be a lot to handle, but the worst part is that I am now planning the entire wedding from afar and am not getting any support from anyone. My bridesmaids are all out of town and busy with careers and kids, so I am organizing my own bachelorette party. My mom could care less about the whole wedding and has joked that I just want to be the center of attention (which couldn’t be further from the truth – I have extreme anxiety and just the planning of this is stressing me out daily!). It is so painful for me to have her not be there for me the way I want her to. For example, when I couldn’t find a wedding dress after going to 6+ bridal shops alone (a really upsetting experience for me to see tons of other brides with their entourage of family and friends), it was my fiance who got fed up and decided to go with me to pick it out. My mom could have cared less. And I have tried delegating tasks to my parents who both live in the town where I am getting married (e.g. asking them to get pricing for rehearsal dinner venues, helping us find an officiant, etc.) and they just don’t do it.
To make matters worse, last month I finally got the save the dates out, and instead of getting calls from family saying how excited they were or how nice the cards were, I got two nasty calls/texts from my future Mother-In-Law and stepmother because I had misspelled someone’s name wrong. (Easy to make a mistake without someone else to catch it!) And while I have some friends here where I live, none of them are close enough that I feel I could ask them to help me out with wedding stuff, so I am literally doing everything on my own.Meanwhile, my fiance is getting angry and resentful at having to be involved with every aspect of the planning, but there is no one else I can ask. We both are completely frustrated with all our parents and how they have completely misread our good intentions, but I just don’t know if I can keep going through all this for the next 6 months. I never dreamed wedding planning would be this hard.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? How did you handle it? I need some advice.