Post # 1
I am an only child and Fiance is the youngest out of 4 brothers. Both of our dads have passed away. Since FI’s dad passed away and although being the youngest he soon started paying for almost all the expenses for the house he, his mom, and one of his brothers are living in (the two older brothers are married living in different houses).
Mother-In-Law has said multiple times to my mom that she can’t afford helping us with the wedding expenses (we never expected or asked for that although she does have an income). All of his brothers have also a job. We are renovating the house where Fiance and I will live in and all the house and wedding expenses are up to us and my mother.
I honestly don’t expect a huge present or anything like that (maybe a set of towels? etc) but granted FI’s family attitude so far I am afraid we will receive nothing! Any bees with sisters οr brothers out there, did you get them any present for their wedding?
I have discussed this with Fiance and he said it is indeed possible not getting a present from them, but we should not let this ruin our mood during our special day. I won’t let this ruin my day, but wouldn’t you get offended? Especially, after all my Fiance has offered to them (he has even paid for some of his bothers loans!), shoulnd’t they show their appreciation with a simple present?
This topic was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by .
This topic was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by .
Post # 2
Pick your battles. Don’t burn any bridges over a lousy gift.
Post # 3
so this actually hasn’t even happened yet? You are pre offended about something that might never happen? Wow.
Post # 4
- Wedding: April 2017 - Hogarths, Solihull
I mean… a gift should never be expected… you aren’t getting married for the presents…
Sure, you’re allowed to be a little upset, but your Fiance chooses to help him mum out. He could easily pass the responsibility onto his siblings.
You also won’t know who has gotten you presents until after the day, so it won’t ruin the Wedding for you.
With regards my Brother, I bought him an Owl and Cat stuffed toy, dressed in Wedding Stuff and I hand wrote ‘the Owl and the Pussycat’ poem to go with them. Wasn’t super expensive, but it was something to give them.
Post # 5
The expression ‘don’t borrow trouble’ comes to mind.
I understand that the gesture of receiving a wedding gift from your Future Mother-In-Law is important to you, but it’s completely out of your control as to whether or not that happens. Hopefully it does but if it doesn’t, don’t equate that to a lack of support for your marriage. Different people have different ideas about the importance of gifts vs. financial or emotional support etc.
At the end of the day, the only problem right now is that you’re worrying about something that hasn’t even happened. Just let things unfold.
Post # 6
I think its pretty rude to expect a present from anyone!
Post # 7
My DH’s parents enjoyed a trip to the UK entirely paid by us (they live abroad) and didn’t even get us a card! What can you do?! I just have to laugh about it!
Post # 8
So what exact harm will come to you if you don’t get gifts from them? Will you catch cold from walking around in wet hair because you had no towel to dry with? Will you be doomed to a life of having butted bread for breakfast because you have no way to make toast?
You’re acting like a spoiled child. You need to get over it. Accept any gift graciously and do not read secret meanings or take offense from those who do not gift. And keep your attention on your own finances, not what someone else makes or what you think they can afford. Someone else’s money and how they choose to spend it is none of your busines.
Post # 9
I didn’t get my brother a wedding present, but he did elope. *shrug*
I’m not anticipating presents from all of my family. If they can and want to fine, but two of the folks from my side are flying in from cross country and everyone on both sides lives out of state so they will need to pay for a hotel. I figure for our wedding taking the time and expense to show up is the gift.
Post # 10
I would just like to clarify that in my culture and where I come from, it is concidered very rude going to a wedding without a present. It is even very usual for the close relatives to pay for expensive gifts like the wedding dress, the reception etc. Again I really I don’t expect any of these, right now even a stuffed toy (like stephisaur mentioned) with sentimental meaning seems it would be enough.
All bees saying that this hasn’t even happened yet and it shouldn’t bother me are absolutely right. After writing this post, I figured out that deep down I am bothered about more important issues and this is just something to grouch about.
Thank you all for your input!
Post # 11
- Wedding: August 2017 - Combermere Abbey
you are being very spoiled here
if they can’t afford a gift, they can’t afford a gift
even if they could and didn’t want to, how they spend their money is none of your business
how about them giving you their son and inviting you to be part of their family – surely that is a huge gift in itself!
and I don’t like your attitude, your SO willing gave his brother that loan. he didn’t have to, and certainly should not expect a gift in return (except to return the money owed)
Post # 12
Is there more to the story? It sounds like your Fiance has been over and above in being generous with his family after his father’s death. But that don’t been that you should have been expecting any kind of a gift in return for his good acts.
Honestly I would let it go, it’s just a gift. Listen to your Fiance. Don’t let the fact you didn’t receive a gift sour things for you.
Edited: just saw your update. I’m sorry that you are bothered by other issues. I hope you’ll find a solution to reconcile your feelings.
Post # 13
Hopefully you can figure out a way to work through what is bothering you.
Post # 14
I’m going to disagree with the PPs I guess. I too would think it would be really weird to not get a gift from close family. I got my sister and brother in law a gift when I was just in college (read: I didn’t have any money). I got them a nice picture frame off their registry. I think it was about $20. So I did get a gift, but it wasn’t anything super amazing- just something nice I could afford. On the other hand, this hasn’t happened yet and even if it does, I don’t think it is worth any kind of fight or anger. But I would think it was rather odd behavior not to give you anything.
Post # 15
My Fiance and I help out both of our mothers (both are disabled) and getting gifts from them hasn’t even crossed my mind. Partly because I would feel like it would be them giving us our money back when it should be going to something that THEY need. Mainly because, as our parents, it is their emotional support and presence that we want and both of those are priceless. FI and I are on the same page as far as what family means to each of us, and we have no issues financially supporting the women who sacrificed for us when we were children, making it possible for us to be in the current position to offer assistance.