(Closed) Getting no wedding present by FI's family?!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 16
347 posts
Helper bee

I didn’t officially give my sister anything (I paid for some of her reception food but that was last minute), and I don’t think she got me anything. I didn’t think about it until now. She did contribute to my wedding shower, so that was a gift enough. 

Post # 17
9666 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL

View original reply
annaven:  You made it clear that they are financially struggling. Honestly, I would feel bad/guilty even accepting any gifts from them at this moment. I would be sure to make it clear to his mom AND brothers that “Your presence is our present.”

Post # 18
2739 posts
Sugar bee

If I may quote Google:

noun: gift; plural noun: gifts
a thing given willingly to someone without payment; a present.
“a Christmas gift”
present, handout, donation, offering, bestowal, bonus, award, endowment


Entitlement, party of one.

Post # 19
1829 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Your only child is showing. 

You should not expect a gift. You’re the one being rude. 

Post # 20
8409 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
annaven:  I wonder if you’re concerned that your life will be impacted by how much your fiance is helping his family, and have conflated that with the present issue. It sounds like you’re starting to consider this possibility and I hope that helps you find some clarity and perspective. If they’re struggling financially, don’t expect anything. That way, you can be pleasantly surprised if they manage to get you something, and understanding if they don’t. In addition, you can talk to your fiance about your income and expenses, and see if you can budget a reasonable and agreeable amount for helping his family, unrelated to any gift-giving issues.

Post # 21
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
annaven:  We didn’t even get a card from FI’s parents, and they did it specifically to get a rouse out of us. They must’ve been really disappointed when they didn’t hear anything.

Post # 22
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

ummm…. wow. Here is an idea: FI’s mother gave birth to him, which made it possible for you two to get married. That is your gift. You are not entitled to a gift becuase you decide to get married.

Post # 23
9758 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I would never be offended someone didn’t get me a gift they are not obligated to give in the first place. Who cares?

Post # 24
2979 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

So you haven’t even gotten married, haven’t yet gotten a gift (because, you aren’t married yet!), and are already disappointed in it? First of all, that is pretty rude. If your Fiance is paying for all their expenses, they probably can’t afford it. And then it would be basically your Fiance buying yourselves a gift, because it’s his money anyways.

Why don’t you at least wait until after the wedding. Maybe you can be like that bride someone posted about, asked the guest to ‘adjust’ their wedding gift?

Post # 25
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

You don’t even know if they are giving you a present or not. Are they welcoming to you? If they love you, that is gift enough. I understand giftgiving is big in your culture, but it sounds like they come from a different culture, and they don’t have a lot of money either. 

It’s very insightful that you realize there are bigger issues at hand. I hope you’re able to get some resolution from the situation. 

Post # 26
2704 posts
Sugar bee

Love all the bullshit responses from the bee. This place is fucking la la land. i mean, the number of “etiquette” things which are a MUST and which you’re so, totally, pearl clutchingly TACKY if you don’t do  them, but yet somehow it’s totally fine to not mark the occasion of your close families’ wedding with even a small token?! Yes, I would be taken aback if my husbands parents and adult siblings didn’t at least get us a card. I would never attend a wedding empty handed, I am excited for the union and choose to take a gift. Accordingly I believe it’s rude in most locations to attend a wedding sans gift. You have to let it go though. There are a bunch of people of  who will show their enthusiasm in whatever way is authentic to them. Focus on those people. 

Post # 27
1234 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

View original reply
annaven:  I’m from the south, U.S., you can’t get more “you should never go empty handed” than around here and honey, imo, this post makes you sound like a spoiled brat. This is the least of your worries. You’re getting married, bought a house, starting a new life. Get over it. 

Post # 28
2343 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

I wouldn’t be offended if no one bought us a gift for our upcoming wedding. Even though I would never attend a wedding without a gift, I certainly don’t think they should be expected – no matter your relation to the guest.

In saying that, Fiance and I gave his oldest sister (the only one who is married) a gift when she got married – we put in with his other sisters to buy them a piece of furniture. All of his sisters are doing the same for us and putting in to buy us a custom built bookshelf. My dad/step mother, mum and Future Mother-In-Law are all contributing financially to the wedding – if they gave us a gift on top of this I would be absolutely mortified. I have 3 siblings aged 13 and under, so no gifts there, and I have given my other sister (in her early 20’s) strict instructions not to buy us a gift because she’s making our wedding cake and won’t let us pay for it. Really, just having all of these people share in our day is enough for us.

Post # 29
1936 posts
Buzzing bee

Cart… Horse… 

You’re pre worked up over something that hasn’t happened, and may not happen. Maybe she IS putting money aside for a gift. Jeez Louise, you’ve already written the woman off, pretty hard for her to do well when you’ve already put her in the sin bin. 

Post # 30
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Weddings aren’t for the gifts, honestly I think it’s petty to get offended over presents.  I understand you think they should show you SOME love but maybe you can ask for her help in other ways like making the favors or calling vendors for you?  

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