Post # 1
hello Bees! so, more advice needed, please! (and for the record, I have made an appointment for relationship counselling in a couple of weeks…)
when Fiance and I argue, we’ll eventually resolve things either the same day or the next day. But I always seem to have lingering feelings and find it difficult to go back to being affectionate and enjoying spending time with him. He’ll think everything is fine and sorted, whereas even though we’ve talked about things and resolved the issue, it’s like I can’t stop things repeating in my head of what he said that bothered me. I think part of it is that i like having ‘the last word’ or getting an apology from him. So in the most recent case, he’s said that I made a good point but hasn’t actually apologised for something. So how do I just let it go?
Tonight is the last night we’ll be together for two weeks and I really want us to have a nice evening but it’s like in my head I just can’t stop being bothered by stuff. how can I get over myself!?
Post # 3
Do you have a way you like to relieve stress? Personally, I find a way to let those agressive feelings out by going for a walk/run. Working out helps me clear my head.
If you’ve always had the last word all your life, that can be a hard thing to start to let go of, but you have to start letting go at some point otherwise your relationship will start to suffer. Think of it from your partner’s perspective. If you always need to “win” and have the last word, it must really suck for him to “lose” at every argument.
Post # 4
@waffle: I know, that’s what I realised i am that person! I only even noticed because a friend said something about it to me, so it’s really hard to be different!! going to the gym helps a LOT though, thank goodness!
Post # 5
Part of snuggling up with the enemy after a fight is learning to forgive and forget! ( easier said than done)
I totally know what your thinking and going through , its normal. We can’t just be hurt and get all up in arms with an argument then go make out the next day, it seems to go against our guarded and vindictive nature.
Try and think of things in a bigger timeline than the moment that your currently in. Like what if today was the last day I ever spend with my man? Would you want to give up the petty crap and just love on him and make the best of it? Life is too short to take our relationships for granted.
Post # 6
@Eva Peron: ha ha, love it, ‘snuggling up with the enemy’ – lol! and yes, when I think of not seeing him for a couple of weeks then i want to give him lots of cuddles 🙂 I have gotten over myself and asked him to skip the gym so we can spend time together which i think he appreciates!
i’m glad i’m not the only weird one tho, i never understand how guys get over things so quickly but i guess it’s a good thing!
Post # 7
I think the important thing to remember to do is remind yourself in the moment that you are being irrational. The angrier you feel the more irrational you are probably being. I understand it’s difficult to do because the anger feelings kind of take over for a brief period, but with practice it actually gets quite easy.
Also, if you just take a break from the conversation or argument that’s getting you heated that will probably help too. I’ve stopped myself from having an irrational flipout several times by just going into another room and calming down. I blame it on the hormones! 😉