- 2 years ago
Hi everyone! First, let me start by saying that yes, I am so happy to be married, and I know that the wedding is really just about the marriage. So please understand that I get that 🙂 This is going to be a long post too…
Now, on to the wedding. My husband and I got married back in September. Before we got engaged, we had always talked about doing a destination wedding. We are both in our mid-late 30’s and wanted a smaller, cheaper wedding. However, immediately after getting engaged, my husband changed his mind and decided he wanted a bigger wedding with all of his family there. We ultimately agreed that we would have a bigger wedding (around 75 people) locally and that we would get married in the Armenian Church (he is Armenian, I’m Catholic, and they are very similar religions). Anyway, we ended up finding the perfect venue at a country club that was close to an Armenian Church. We were so excited about it and we took our parents to see it, went to our food tasting there, and took another trip or 2 to take pictures and dream of our wedding. I was very excited, but there was still that part of me that wished we could’ve just done an easy, small, destination wedding, but I knew that it was more important to my husband to have all of his family there, so marriage=compromise, and this was my first one of our marriage. Anyway, fast forward a year, and we had been planning everything for a year. We (mostly I because I had more time) spent countless hours on centerpieces and tablecloths and decor, etc.. We were all set to marry 9/15. We had scheduled to have our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on 9/14 (the night before) at the country club, and we and our immediate family were staying overnight 9/14 and 9/15 at the country club (they have a hotel attached). Well, on the night of 9/13, they had those big gas explosions (Andover, Lawrence, MA, some of you may have heard about it) and the county club was in Andover. The entire city was shut down without power or gas. We didn’t freak out until the next day, the before our wedding and the day of our rehearsal. We woke up on 9/14 to NO contact from our coordinator or anyone from the country club. We were scheduled to bring our decor around 1 PM that day. It wasn’t until around 10 or 11 AM that we reached someone. Long story short, the country club had no gas and would not be able to accomodate us for our rehearsal… still not sure about our wedding reception the following day. We had to scramble to reschedule our rehearsal dinner, which luckily I managed to reschedule easily at a restaurant nearby. Then we had to scramble to find hotel accomodations nearby. While doing this, we still didn’t know if our wedding reception was going to happen or not. It was absolute chaos! Fast forward to that night, the night before our wedding. Our rehearsal at the church went well. Fortunately the church was in a town nearby not affected by the gas explosions. The rehearsal dinner, on the other hand, was awful. My husband and I were informed we could not hold our reception at the country club, and we had to find a new venue… the NIGHT BEFORE our wedding! The country club had reached out to connections and offered us a few other options. One was further away, not a good option. The other was coincidentally right down the street from our new hotel and literally next door to our new rehearsal dinner restaurant (weird, but great coincidence). Anyway. my husband and I had to go over to view this new venue after our church rehearsal, while our families went to our rehearsal dinner. We arrive at the new venue option to discover that it’s an outdoor tent, with NO sides, with a view of the parking lot. The country club had arranged for us to just transfer to this new venue, for the same fees (around 20k total!). They planned to send their staff over and offer the same menu and services, just in this different location. Well, our country club location was indoor, had an outdoor terrace, a seperate lounge area with chairs a bar, and a piano, it was gorgeous and perfect. It also had gorgeous outdoor gardens and the golf course for us to take pictures. So needless to say, this outdoor, open tent was NOT comparable to what we had paid for or what we had imagined for the past year. We decided to leave and talk about it so we could attend our rehearsal dinner. When my husband and I showed up about an hour late to our rehearsal dinner, we discovered my husband’s family had gone back to the hotel and had not arrived yet. So it was just my family sitting there waiting, ugh! Our rehearsal dinner was not at all what we had imagined. Neither of us ate, we spent the entire time crying (me), trying to negotiate with the country club as they wanted us to pay additional money to put sides on the tent. My husband was adamant about just cancelling the reception and getting a refund. Honestly, the new venue option was not worth the $20k we paid. But, I felt like we should just suck it up and do it rather than cancel. We had family and friends from out of town that would be disappointed. Not only that, but I also wanted the wedding reception. I wanted my first dance with my husband, I wanted our wedding dinner and our wedding cake, and I wanted that time with my new husband and our families. I wasn’t willing to give that up, despite having to compromise and basically take a loss. So in the end, my husband finally agreed that we should accept the new venue, pay the fee for the tent siding, and just move forward. But our rehearsal dinner was completely ruined. Then we spent an hour after the dinner at the new venue discussing our wedding with their coordinator. We arrived back at the hotel around 11:30 PM exhausted, teary-eyed. and more stressed than I have ever felt in my life.
The next morning, things went smoothly. My hair and makeup girls were on time and were great. Our photographer was on time. But due to the last minute changes, my husband was now getting ready at a different hotel. And his dream of lounging around the morning before the wedding turned into him working with the coordinator on seating charts and last minute details. He barely had time to get ready! Everyone was so scrambled we didn’t get the pictures we wanted. We ended up taking pictures in the parking lot of the new venue. We managed to find some trees, so they turned out good, but not the beautiful gardens we had imagined from the country club. Then in all the chaos, many details were missed. We forgot our wedding programs, we didn’t get to exchange and get pictures of our gifts for each other and our vow books (we weren’t doing our own vows at the church so decided to write vows and exchange them while the photographer got pictures of it), no one saw our guest canvas (only like 3 people signed), our seating chart was awkward, they forgot our table numbers and used their own, due to the different layout no one saw or enjoyed the lanterns I worked so hard on making, and just a bunch of other small details. Overall, yes, our wedding was still beautiful. The food was great. Our DJ was good. We had a lot of fun. Everyone said if they didn’t know our situation, they would’ve thought it was the same wedding we had been planning all along. I felt fine with how it all turned out.
However, shortly after, the disappointment started to set in. I’ve started to feel jealous of other people’s weddings. I’ve started to think about all the things that went wrong. I’ve started to think about how much money we spent for a wedding that was not OUR planned, dream wedding. Yes, I got to marry my husband, but honestly, it didn’t feel like the “best day of my life” (aside from literally marrying my husband). I could have married him on a beach for much less money and stress. Again, I know it’s about the marriage, which ultimately, yes, that’s the big point. But I can’t help but feel extremely disappointed in spending so much money for a reception that was not the one we spent a year planning. And when I see or hear about others’ weddings, I wonder what it was like for them to have a fun, joyful rehearsal dinner and the wedding that they have dreamt of for so long. I don’t like think back to my wedding and have the overwhelmingly happy, warm, excited feelings about it that I feel I should have.
Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent. I’m hoping that maybe be writing this out and sharingg my story, it will prove to be cathartic and may help be move past some of this disappointment. I know it will fade over time, and I’ll be able to just remember all the joy, excitement and hapiness of that very special day!