- 7 years ago
My wedding has passed. It is a day that makes me cringe — and it depresses me to the point that I’ve been talking to a professional therapist about this. I felt relieved when she simply acknowledged how hard it will be to accept my wedding as it was.
So here it is; we tried our best to save as much money as possible, and:
- We were in the middle of moving from city 1 to city 2 to city 3 in the span of 4 months before and after wedding (to work at once-in-a-lifetime jobs)
- Dress didn’t fit, boobs sagging in most pictures
- Our vows were more narrative, and not deep
- Officiant brought his entire family — I told him explicitly that they were invited to party, but not to small ceremony (that doubled b/c of this)
- Officiant didn’t give speech he promised and wrote it last minute
- One person on groom’s side traveled to wedding city, but decided not to show up morning of wedding — and admitted he didn’t have good reason. Upsetting because we didn’t invite many to ceremony in first place.
- Neither set of parents were at wedding. I really wanted his aunt & uncle to be there, because they have become close to me.
- I did our hair, and our hair looked bad
- shoulders got sunburned during ceremony
- A friend was our photog, it was her first wedding — no good pics
- My friend planned two surprise bachelorette parties, and no one showed except for her and my sister. I forgave her, but it hurt so much I cried as she broke the news that it was “just us”
- The caterer didn’t bring anything to keep the food warm, so it was stale
- 25% of guests who rsvp’d yes didn’t show up — and gave no excuse
- wedding rings bought last minute online, and didn’t fit — still not wearing a wedding ring now
The main lesson I learned was that I should have gone with my gut feelings from the very beginning, as many women realize after it’s too late. I would have had a ceremony and invited just my sister and two friends, hubby would have only invited his sister, aunt, and uncle.
(We are close to the aunt & uncle, but didn’t invite them because we didn’t want to make the aunt feel uncomfortable. She’s the sister to hubby’s mom who wasn’t invited — or wanted at the wedding.)
Now I know I should have:
- invited the aunt & uncle and explained why we wanted them there
- not had a party. My gut feelings told me to celebrate with just the 10 of us at a nice restaurant
- invited a close friend to the ceremony (I made the mistake of only inviting him to the party). It was a huge mistake
- cared more about our hair and attire, rather than assuming I’d be cool with anything
- paid $$$ for a photographer
- not cared about including everyone, just to be liked
- had my dress tailored and took dress shopping more seriously — rather than assuming that I didn’t care about any “superficial” things
- chose an officiant who wasn’t so busy, and knew me on a deeper level
- spent more time writing our vows
All of this wedding stuff bothers me to this day, and it’s 6 months after the wedding. I cry every time I see/hear about a couple’s engagement or wedding.
I want a do-over, but not in the sense of doing all this wedding planning, having a party, “marrying” again, choosing bridesmaids, or receiving gifts. I don’t want any of this.
But it is important to me to honor who we are as a couple and as individuals. I don’t want to accomodate a bunch of guests we don’t know well. I don’t want bridesmaids. (I do wish I could delete our marriage license and get a new one though, but that won’t happen.)
I want to make things right. Is having this kind of second “wedding” okay? Will our closest friends and family understand? Have any bees done this before?
Thanks in advance for your help.