Getting re-married, how did you tell your ex?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 32
Member
7498 posts
Busy Beekeeper

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wanderbride85 :  After we were engaged I pulled my ex aside when he was dropping off the kids and told him. He scowled, said congrats and left, with two weeks on his own to process it before he saw the kids again. I didn’t think they should get stuck in the middle of his reaction to the news. 

Post # 33
Member
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

When my ex remarried, he didn’t tell me. I noticed the ring. However, he had a live-in girlfriend, and I knew about his plans to remarry. I didn’t really care, but was sad he didn’t invite children to the wedding.

I told about our coming wedding just because we were making holiday plans for kids. Otherwise, I would have told about getting married after the wedding. He is somewhat prone to drama and vengence. He was surprised and I feel a bit of resentment on his part. Kids are teenagers and I knew they would not be talking in advance.

Post # 34
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

I sent my ex an email after I’d told our kids but before I announced it on social media.  It was more to let him know our timeline as I had a long engagement waiting for the kids to reach various stages of their schooling.  I didn’t want him to be concerned that I was about to move them a long way from him, which I felt was fair as I would have wanted the same info from him.

He acknowledged my email by thanking me for letting him know.

Post # 35
Member
401 posts
Helper bee

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ladama :  if you cannot see the relevance of the father of her children being aware that they will be becoming a step family then….. no one can explain it to you

Post # 36
Member
7265 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you’re making a bigger issue than it needs to be. You’re obviously in a serious realtionship that he knows about – you live together.

A simple:

“I just want to give you a heads up, {boyfriend} and I have been very seriously talking about marriage and I expect a proposal is on the horizon. We’ve both talked to our kids and they are aware and excited. I wanted to keep you in loop so you weren’t suprised if/when it happens or if you hear the kids talking about it.” 

End of story. It’s your life. You have an agreement to keep each other informed of big life changes that will affect the kids, and this is one of them. It doesn’t need to be open to discussion – just let him know and keep going about your business. If he makes a big deal out of it you just tell him that your deal is to keep each other informed and that’s where it ends – he’s welcome to keep his opinions to himself.

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