Post # 1
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
Hello Bees! My wedding is still several months away, but I have been thinking about getting ready for the ceremony in the morning. We will be having a morning wedding and a brunch reception and most likely getting ready will begin around 5am. I am not having any official bridesmaids, but I do have one close friend I hope can make it to the wedding! (Fingers crossed!) I have struggled with social anxiety in the past (and still do sometimes) and whenever I have an outing with other people, I usually use the time beforehand to calm myself and focus on what I am looking forward to about the day. Because of this, I do not want to have anyone besides my MUA and my photographer and previously mentioned friend there if possible that morning. I don’t think this will bother very many people as my family is small and I’m not close with my SILs, but I’m not sure how my mother and MIL will feel about it? My mother is sometimes very, very rude to me and I am absolutely certain she will imply I look fat and ugly that morning, because that is what she does. However, I’m certain that if I didn’t allow her to visit she would throw a wailing, crying fit and leave the wedding, which would be much worse. Anyway, all of this is besides the point! I would just like to know how to mention that I would like to get ready alone but I would be open to her and MIL visiting for a brief time (maybe towards the end?) without it seeming too cold and without having to explain that a lot of people make me anxious. I’m hoping that since 5am is early, and if I promise whoever might be upset (???) photos, no one will mind?
Have any of you ladies gotten ready alone or with an unconventional group? Please tell me how it worked!
Post # 2
Member
530 posts
Busy bee
I haven’t gotten married yet so I can’t share a story, but would it be terribly horrible to fudge the time a little? Tell them to show up at 6 or 7 (or whenever you would like them to be there) and then just say the makeup artist showed up early and you were anxious to start!
Post # 3
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
honeybee2014: I have been thinking about this for like a month and never thought of that. You’re a genius! 🙂
Post # 4
Member
4719 posts
Honey bee
I got ready alone! Well, with my mom.
I also have social anxiety and the mere thought of being with a group of people getting ready at the same time could send me into a tailspin. I like my personal space, I like timelines, and I like quiet. I also like things that are supposed to be about me, to be about me.. Hence the no bridal party..
It worked perfectly. I slept in, took a car service to get my hair done with my mom, grabbed lunch, drank champagne.. Got my make-up done and then got dressed. I’m normally a bit anxious, high strung, and a worrier but.. I was so calm and relaxed all day. Nerves started to hit me in the elevator on the way to do our first-look, otherwise it was the perfect arrangement for me.
ETA: Fudge your timeline a bit, or be honest and tell them you don’t want them to stop by because it makes you anxious. I went with the latter and only had to tell one person (my SIL) because who invites themselves to something they weren’t invited to anyways..
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by KC-2722.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by KC-2722.
Post # 5
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
ClassicCorvette: I got ready 100% alone. The salon opened just for me on a sunday to do my hair, it was literally me and my hairdresser. I left there to go to my make up artists house (who is a friend) and it was just us. I put on my dress and finishing touches and left for teh ceremony, ALONE. Honestly, i get super nervous and anxious and not having anyone there to stress me out was really relaxing. I highly reccomend it!
Post # 6
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
I got ready alone – no one actually said anything about wanting to come by, so it wasn’t a big deal. I walked over to the salon, got my hair and makeup done, walked home, had lunch with my fiance, and then put the dress on 🙂 Easy.
Post # 7
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
KC-2722: Thank you for your reply! I really identified with your first paragraph, and honestly I know most of the day is going to be a compromise between celebrating my new marriage and pleasing our guests and entertaining them. I agree the morning should include space and quiet and definitely not be taken over by anyone. Thank you for sharing.
MrsA1222: That sounds like a perfect morning! You must have had a really wonderful salon! Thank you for sharing your story!
HannahGrace: First off, I love that you had lunch with your FI. If mine doesn’t care about seeing me I might invite him to get ready with me, but he’s old fashioned so I’m sure he’ll say no. Your morning sounds great too!
I’m just curious, what is your family like? Or what type of wedding did you have? I’m not trying to pry, I’m just wondering do you think that made a difference? I don’t know if I expect anyone to want to visit, but I’m also afraid people will assume they should crash! Thank you so much!
Post # 8
Member
1413 posts
Bumble bee
ClassicCorvette: It was really awesome having lunch together – we were both afraid that in the hecticness of the wedding and wanting to see / talk to people, we might not eat enough at the reception so we wanted to make sure we’d had at least one real meal beforehand. And he helped me zip my dress up so that was awesome – I needed help! 🙂 He didn’t want to know anything about the dress until the day of, but we took photos before the ceremony to get them out of the way so having lunch / getting ready together was basically an extension of that, and it was nice to have that time together just the two of us.
Our wedding was small – 44 people including us – we had seen our moms and brothers the night before (we had a “pre-wedding dinner” at a pizza place, not a rehearsal since there was nothing to rehearse). I thought one or both of our moms might want to see us before the ceremony, but they didn’t ask so that was good with me. Our families are small and we all love each other, but we are also New Englanders who give each other space so that might have played into it.
Post # 9
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
ClassicCorvette: Is it possible to arrange timeline so your mother and MIL are getting their hair and make-up done while you are getting ready? Then they’ll be physically unable to be in your room. Advice on fudging timeline is also good, so you will be done with your hair and makeup at the time anyone can pop in your room. I always feel so ugly in the process of hairstyling and applying make-up, so I understand why you wouldn’t like anyone who could make snide comments to be there.
Post # 10
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
ClassicCorvette: I got ready alone. I had a morning wedding too, so my hair person came at 5am, then makeup at 6, then photographer at 7. My cousin, who I’m very close with, came around 7:30a to take pictures with me. Maybe you could just tell your mother what time you want her to come. If you haven’t told her already, don’t reveal the timeline or if anyone else will be with you. Just say, “Hey mom, morning of the wedding, be at my house/hotel room at 8am.”
Post # 11
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
HannahGrace: Thanks for the reply! That really does sound like a perfect morning, and it was very sensible to have lunch, I’ve always heard it is hard to eat at your own reception!
Inmara: Thank you for the support and ideas, I like that idea! I know exactly what you mean about feeling ugly in process, plus for whatever reason people seriously LOVE to make fun of my hair whenever it is in hot rollers. I have no idea why it is so hilarious, but I’d rather just have them see the end beautiful me!
Xu: Yay for morning weddings! I might consider that too, maybe not mention anything unless she asks then fudge only if necessary. When did your ceremony begin? Did you think 5am was overkill? Did you have to wake up at 4am to shower or eat? Sorry if that’s TMI, I’m just curious if you thought the early morning was really rough on your day or if you were so excited that it didn’t matter at all. Thank you for sharing with me!
Post # 12
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
My fi and I wanted to avoid all kinda of drama and decided to have a planned elopement, just the two of us. we will be in nyc (we live in canada). So I’ll probly be doing everything alone. Thought about maybe just getting ready with FI, spending as much time together as possible. But also kind of like the sounds of having him with that surprised look when I’m all put together. Can’t decide what to do. Glad to hear other bees will be getting ready alone!
Post # 13
Member
1263 posts
Bumble bee
ClassicCorvette: my ceremony was at 10am. I showered and washed my hair the night before so u could have more sleep. 🙂 5am am was not overkill at all. It was just the right amount of time.
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This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by Xu.
Post # 14
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
ClassicCorvette: It makes me sad that your mom is mean to you and would be that way on your wedding day. I think you would be best off not mentioning anything unless she brings up seeing you get ready, then explain that you want a calm relaxed morning alone to clear your head (or whatever). Phrase it in such a way that it’s not about rejecting her but instead about having time alone before you go into the spotlight.
