Post # 1
I’m under an alias, of course. I’ve just been thrown between a rock and a hard place. My Future Sister-In-Law, who is a bridesmaid because my Fiance requested, just asked if I could ‘do her a favor’ and let her two young daughters (my flower girls, and the only kids invited to the wedding – also a request from my fiance) join the bridesmaids, my mom and myself at the private salon appointment I’ve set up so they can get their hair done too. She said she would bring Future Mother-In-Law as a babysitter so the kids wouldn’t be a distraction.
… but I didn’t invite Future Mother-In-Law to the salon appointment either. It’s just my 4 bridesmaids, myself and my mom. We’re shutting the salon down and having food and booze and girl time. I have zero interest in the kids being there, but now my fiance is saying that he wants his mom to be there too. I was hoping to have this time to bond with my best friends and mom before I get married, and now its turning into something a little different. I do not have a close relationship at all with Future Sister-In-Law, and her daughters don’t even know who I am. Don’t get me started on Future Mother-In-Law – we’re cordial and civil, but there’s no way I’d say we’re close either.
Am I being completely selfish here? It makes me feel really awkward, but I honestly didn’t want the girls at the wedding in the first place- we just asked them to be flower girls to keep the family peace. Is this another thing I should allow to keep the calm?
How did you handle this? Who was included in your pre-wedding getting ready events? Did you draw a line, or was everyone invited?
Post # 3
@12345678: Hi dear!
Your Fiance has no right to dictate who will be there, as you have no right to dictate would will be in his room while he dresses.
You tell your Future Sister-In-Law and you have already book the appointment for the four and can not accomidate anyone else. Make the excuse that the salon can not handle more than four. Be apologetic and make sure you stand your ground. You need this time to be with those women cloest to you. Tell her “Im sorry but I can not do that” and say that this appointment is for adults only and only the bridal party.
If she gets upset, let her. Favors do not have to be granted.
Post # 4
Since you have booze, you can tell her that the salon has made it absolutely clear to you that no minors are allowed. Just say the salon has made it clear they are unwilling to take on that kind of liability, no matter the children’s age if they are minors, and will refuse entry to the rest of you if the kids show up. Then follow with how you only booked appts for the BP/your mom and they are booked up now. Be apologetic in that sense if it inconveniences her, but be firm. The one thing I would say is that if everyone else is getting ready together it would be polite to invite his mom (especially since at the salon you won’t be naked and getting dressed), but it is not required–it sounds like it might be something you need to clear up with FSIL/FMIL though.
Post # 5
I think you should stand your ground. my Future Sister-In-Law has a child and they won’t be there, neither will his mother who I don’t get along with.
It is your time and you should choose who is there, the rest of the day is about you as a couple this part is about you as a person. If you give in will they be pushing you over the rest of your marriage?
Just say I’m sorry but no this is some private time for bonding I have made plans already and I don’t feel comfortable drinking around Children
Post # 6
eww, that’s a tough one. But I totally get where you’re coming from too. You want to please everyone but dammit “ITS YOUR DAY” ya know? I know I will have my heart set on that bonding moment with my close girls that have known me my whole life along with my mom….that is SO special and I don’t think you should have to give that up. I really don’t have advice on how to ABORT the plan of having the Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law there though… -__-
That is a tricky one. I might talk to your Fiance and describe exactly what you wanted and have him help you. There is no reason he shouldn’t be on your side about it ya know, it’s not his salon appointment it’s yours lol. AHH good luck, let us know how it turns out hun!
Post # 7
I think you have every right to decide who can and can’t come to the salon appointment. It sounds like the first thing you need to do is get your Fiance on board with your decision so he will support you if there is drama. Then, talk to his sister and let her know that the salon won’t allow children and/or they cannot accomodate extra appointments
Post # 8
Yikes that’s a tough one for sure. On the one hand I agree with the girls who say it’s your call, and it is, 100%. Getting ready with “my girls” is one of my favorite things to do and once you add outsiders you eliminate the comfort zone. And as it’s your day you’re certainly entitled to have your private getting ready time with just those you want there.
However, on the other side of it, is it worth it to say no? You might be better in tune with the kind of fall out that you will have if you say no, using any of the rationale the PP gave. I think that some of the perhaps less than truthful suggestions would be easy and certainly believable, but ask yourself “what if?” they found out that that wasn’t the case and you just didn’t want them there. What would you tell your FI? If the truth (and it sounds like that’s the case), then he would have that knowledge that he had to keep from his family.
It’s a tradeoff no matter what you choose. I’m not in your exact sitation by any means, but I am having my Future Mother-In-Law and mother there.