(Closed) Getting ready to flip my freaking lid!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Oh man I’m sorry you’re going through this! What a childish thing to say!!

And I have no idea why people (uh, family) feel the need to make the wedding about them. It’s not about them or anyone else except for YOU and your Fiance.

Stand up for yourself. Don’t let your aunt emotionally manipulate you because that is what she’s doing!

Next time she says something like that just say: “I’m sorry you feel that way, it’s going to be a great day and you’d be missed!” And then just smile and change the topic or walk off. Don’t add fuel to her fire.

Post # 4
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Weddings bring out the worst in family!  I think they decide they have some sort of rank in our lives and they want that rank to be showcased.  I don’t really understand it.  I’m sorry she’s behaving that way, and sorry no one is stopping her! 

But, if you know that her passive-aggressive comments are coming from a place of being hurt, maybe each time she does it you can count to five in your head and tell yourself, “She’s just hurt and lashing out…ignore her…” the way you would with a child who’s acting out for attention.  It can be shut down quickly with a, “We would be very sorry if that was the case because you are so important to us, but if you can’t come we understand,” like miss blondie86 suggested.

Post # 5
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Man, I’d tell her she gets to light a candle or hand out programs or something… maybe just throw a corsage on her to shut her up.

Post # 6
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Pinksapphire:  At this point, I am ready to just tell everyone: All I need is my Fiance, a minister, and two witnesses.  Other than that, I couldn’t care less if you showed up!

I’m pretty much at this point too but for other reasons. My mom keeps acting like it’ll be the scandal of the century if I don’t invite every. single. living. relative. There’s got to be a line somewhere, right?!

Sorry, back to you. Personally, I wouldn’t give in to your aunt by finding something for her to do. I think you should honor the people you want to honor at your wedding. I’m usually all for keeping the peace but I feel like if you give in to her, you’ll be encouraging her behavior. 

Post # 9
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’d just be the bigger person and ignore it. Or sit down and talk to her. Whichever is the path of least resistance 😀 Seriously though I have someone in my family like that and I completely ignore it. Being passive aggressive is like emotional blackmail and I am an adult so homie don’t play that. It is her problem, don’t let her take your joy. I love all my aunts and uncles to pieces, but they are guests- that’s it. Just take a deep breath, tell yourself it is her issue not yours, and smile. 

Post # 11
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel your pain – dealing with immature adult parents/relatives is worse then dealing with children (at least with children you can pull rank; with adult relatives they somehow feel entitled to be act like a child and deserve respect for being your elder).  I don’t get it and am sorry you’re having to deal with it.

But be strong.  Let her do what she will, but try to stop expending any of your energy trying to understand or placate her tantrums.  At the root of it all is likely some broad and gradiose issue that you have no control over like “life’s unfair!” and your wedding just happens to be the current emotional outlet for whatever internal issue she is dealing with.  If it wasn’t this, I’m sure it would be something else. 

Post # 12
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

People are lame, problem solved. Aren’t you glad I solved it for ya? Haha, juuust kidding, If only it were that easy. Hang in there! 

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

What a nut! And all of your followups just make it even worse…someone should probably let her know that it is not one of her children getting married. I’m guessing she’s probably a drama queen who loves to be the center of attention most of the time, right? My aunt did a reading because we have always been very close, but she certainly didn’t expect that and was so excited to be a guest and wanted to help in any way she could. Expecting a special role is ridiculous enough, but acting nasty to you about it? That is just appalling, of course you’re not going to give her a special role or corsage just to be nice when she has made it crystal clear that she doesn’t really care about the wedding. I would tell your uncle what she said and that you were hurt by it.

Post # 14
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

She sounds a lot like my mom actually! I would just ignore her, or if she says something like that again, just say, “Gee…I’m really sorry that you feel that way. What a shame.” That will make her feel like a real arse. 

Post # 15
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Pinksapphire:  Oh wow, it sounds like she just can’t handle not being the centre of attention. Keep us updated with what ends up happening and please please stand your ground!

Post # 16
Member
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Ugh- what a drama queen. If it wasn’t for your wedding (which is stressful enough), her behavior would be funny-being upset about not getting a Mother-In-Law card cracked me up! You’re doing a good job by not caving into her- I have a feeling that unless she was walking you down the aisle, and she did something to redirect all the attention to her, that she wouldn’t be happy. So just ignore her!

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