(Closed) Getting really frustrated with FH’s ex wife

posted 9 years ago in Encore
  • poll: Would you invite your FH's ex wife to your wedding
    No way! : (34 votes)
    89 %
    Yes : (4 votes)
    11 %
    Depends on how much she was giving us for a present : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    495 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Wow, some people really do have nerve.  I mean, people talk about not inviting ex boyfriends, let along ex-wives.  I feel like you’re right-if things were amicable etc it would be different.  Is it possible that the ex thinks things are good, even when they aren’t?  Sorry you have to go through this!  I think you may need to make it clear she is not invited.  She sounds like she might be the kidn of person to show up and say i figured my invite was lost in the mail!

    Post # 4
    Member
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Fwiw, I will maybe be inviting my xh’s w to our wedding.  I’ve made peace with her and forgiven for the issues in the past.  My x was dastardly towards the end of our marriage.  He remarried WITHIN A WEEK of our divorce to her and she was expecting too.  It’s funny how time heals wounds though and it’s five years later.

    Maybe his x realizes that you’re going to be the stepmom to their child?  Maybe she wants a better relationship or realizes what she did and is sorry?  I know b/c a few years ago my xh’s w, APOLOGIZED to me and cried for everything.  She was truly sorry and I am ok with her now.  Sometimes people do realize what they do wrong.  

    Btw, I am still on good terms with my ex in laws too.  They also have a different perspective however since I was never disrespectful to their son and was always good to him during the M.  This is something you may have to deal with.  She IS the mom of HIS child.  And getting along or working through it is the best way for the CHILD to grow up in 2 homes.

    How long have they been divorced?  Just wondering. 

    There’s a reason an ex is an ex husband or wife.  Something was seriously broken.  Something happened beyond repair.  So don’t worry about her or her presence. 

    As far as having her at the wedding, you need to talk it out with your Fiance.  Unless she would be COMPLETELY disruptive, maybe it would be a great way to show not only her but the family and friends that YOU TWO are the couple now and that the past is the past.  If she can respect that, then I say ok.

    And I can say that after having forgiven a woman who cheated with my then H and married him with my heart broken beyond repair, so shortly after my divorce was final.  I can also say people change (she has asked for forgiveness and endured what I did plus ten times over since that time) and she has been in many situations a good help to me and my child in a tight situation or squeeze.      

    Post # 6
    Member
    1266 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    Have you not seen "How I Met Your Mother"????

    Enough said!

    Post # 8
    Member
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    have you had a woman to woman sit down with her?  A friendly convo over a coffee?  Trust me..there could NEVER be harder feelings than how I once felt about this person.

    My advice here is to also seriously talk to your Fiance about it.  Is there any chance she would be disruptive or do something?  If so I vote no.

    Now my guys xw?  She has never been nor has she made ONE DARNED NICE GESTURE to us since we’ve been together and has been even nastier since he and I became a couple.  He was divorced 2 years when we met. 

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Now my guy’s xw?  I forgot to add she has NEVER spoken to me once despite my being in same room with her and me speaking to her.  She is just awful.  If she tried to be nice, I’d return the gesture.  But I am NOT a pushover.

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    2030 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    So let me get this straight – she has not in any way asked to be invited, right? All she has done is try to be friendly? I think you’re getting upset over nothing. If she asks for an invitation, THEN expend your energy dealing with it. But for now you’re allowing her to get the best of you for no reason. Don’t let her rent space in your head.

    Post # 12
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    I think you answered your own question with that last statment. His daughter can come and sit with her paternal grandparents. Why would the ex even want to come watch the man she used to be married to get married to another woman? Weird…hopefully your future in-laws will understand. You’re going to be the mother to their grandchild someday too, they need to respect you just as much as they do her, if not more.

    Post # 13
    Member
    14183 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I probably wouldn’t. If your Fiance doesn’t want her there, then that’s enough. It’s not like the divorce ended amicably.

    Post # 15
    Member
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Well yesterday I went to the pre k graduation of my xh’s child.  Five years out it was fine.  Then again, she and I had "that talk" several years ago and since that point things have been fine.

    It sounds very raw still, the situation with you, Fiance and xw.  How long have they been divorced?  That may very well play into the situation you know. 

    How does your Fiance feel about it?  Again, time and time SINCE their divorce might play a great deal into this.  It wasn’t until x and i were divorced for 2 years that I was actually in a position to want to talk to either of them about anything! 

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