Post # 1
I have a little bit of an odd situation, so I’m looking for input. My fiance has a good friend who will be in our wedding, and vice versa. However, his fiance, who is a nice girl but I’m not very close with, asked me to be in her bridal party, as she said, so my fiance and I don’t have to be separated for their wedding. (I wouldnt mind just being in the audience). She said I didn’t have to feel obligated to add her to my bridal party..unfortunately my fiance thought it would be a nice idea and happened to add her to our wedding website under the bridal party without really thinking. She now saw that on the website and now thinks she will be a bridesmaid in my wedding.
I already have 6 bridesmaids and my fiance has 5 groomsmen, so 7 is getting slightly out of hand.
Any thoughts on this? I just added my brother’s girlfriend-turned-fiance to the wedding party and was thinking that could be my excuse. Or do I just leave it? I always thought bridesmaids should be your good friends.
Any thoughts on this from anyone? Input would be appreciated!
Post # 3
Hmm…first I would go kick your Fiance in the (insert what would hurt the most) and then I’d make him call and explain the mistake. How in the world could he make that mistake? That’s a big one!
I have no idea what to say to her except the truth and see how she takes it. Is there a chance that in the future y’all will become better friends, since y’all are marrying good friends? Do you see them often? I’m so conflict-adverse I would just leave it. It’s certainly a good way to become better friends with somebody! HA! What did she say when she found out? Good Luck!
Post # 4
Or you could say that you wanted her to be a reader, a personal attendant, the person who hands out programs… but well intentioned silly Fiance thought that "girls go here" and "boys go here" and made you a bridesmaid… And I am so embarrassed to even be having a conversation with you about this, and I’m so sorry if you thought … and I would have loved to have you as a bridesmaid if I didn’t already have 7 because of my brother… and I’m so embarrassed, but I hope you’d consider being a reader because that is what I always wanted because you have such a beautiful voice and you’re so calm.. and I was even going to ask you in a cute way and I’m so embarrassed Fiance goofed on this…
Your situation stinks. Handle this ASAP. Has it been more than 24 hours? The longer you wait, the worse the situation.
Post # 5
I agree with Enmoore, the longer you wait the more bridesmaids you have! Also, make sure she doesn’t hear about it from anybody but y’all.
Post # 6
It’s been a while already, unfortunately. I didn’t want to address it and now I’m afraid it’s been too long. We’re getting closer as a couple and now she assumes she’s in my party..so I’m just not sure how to explain it to her now. And her Fiance might be very offended if I kick her out. Maybe I could give her another position in the wedding, as mentioned. If I make her an usher is that a big step down from being a bridesmaid? Thoughts?
Post # 7
I see usher as a step down from Bridesmaid or Best Man and it’s also something I think of as a typically male job. I think you might just have to keep her. It’s not worth all the drama IMO.
Post # 8
As long as she’s genuinely excited to be one of the party, I’d just keep her as a bridesmaid (KateMW seems right that usher is a step down, and perhaps singling her out as "not good enough" to be a bridesmaid). If you explain the situation she’ll be really embarrassed and probably really uncomfortable around you for a very long time. It doesn’t seem worth it for a little less inconvenience and more even sides. I’d also keep it mum on how she became part of the wedding party because that could get back to her and make her feel bad, too.
Chin up! The more the merrier (but no more)!
Post # 9
Well, as previously said, you have three choices – keep her, demote her to a lesser job, or explain that the whole thing was a mistake. Your biggest problem, as I see it, is not your accidental bridesmaid but your Fiance. The two of you need to have a little talk. Is he also just going to add random people to the guest list without consulting you? It’s not a terribly team-like attitude. As a general policy, if one of you (or your parents, that will happen too) creates a sticky situation by acting without consulting the other, the person who screwed up (and yes, designating someone as your bridesmaid without asking you is a pretty big screwup) gets to go fix the problem. So really your Fiance should take care of implementing whatever fix you decide on. Same as he (or your mom) would be responsible for telling accidental guests that they are really not invited. It’s really awkward, but it’s certainly a good way to teach people the importance of consulting with all parties concerned before making some kind of unilateral decision that is not theirs to make.
Post # 10
I think only you and your Fiance can decide what to do in this situation, and that the two of you really need to talk about how this happened – both him telling her without consulting you, and neither of you dealing with the situation quickly.
Just to add another perspective, too… While it would be nice to think that she (and her FI) would be understanding if you asked her to step down, the reality is that since "been awhile already", she’s probably going to be upset and hurt. Is this worth potentially losing some friends over?
Post # 11
Absolutely not. I would not add her. You’re bridal attendants are people you know are close to you and who support you. Would you feel comfortable looking at all your wedding pictures with her in it? This is your wedding day…and for her to ask you to put her in your wedding just so they can be together is extremely inconsiderate and rude on her part.