(Closed) Getting rid of a bridesmaid?

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Hmm…first I would go kick your Fiance in the (insert what would hurt the most) and then I’d make him call and explain the mistake. How in the world could he make that mistake? That’s a big one!

I have no idea what to say to her except the truth and see how she takes it. Is there a chance that in the future y’all will become better friends, since y’all are marrying good friends? Do you see them often? I’m so conflict-adverse I would just leave it. It’s certainly a good way to become better friends with somebody! HA! What did she say when she found out? Good Luck! 

Post # 4
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Or you could say that you wanted her to be a reader, a personal attendant, the person who hands out programs… but well intentioned silly Fiance thought that "girls go here" and "boys go here" and made you a bridesmaid…  And I am so embarrassed to even be having a conversation with you about this, and I’m so sorry if you thought … and I would have loved to have you as a bridesmaid if I didn’t already have 7 because of my brother… and I’m so embarrassed, but I hope you’d consider being a reader because that is what I always wanted because you have such a beautiful voice and you’re so calm.. and I was even going to ask you in a cute way and I’m so embarrassed Fiance goofed on this…

Your situation stinks.  Handle this ASAP.  Has it been more than 24 hours?  The longer you wait, the worse the situation. 

Post # 5
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I agree with Enmoore, the longer you wait the more bridesmaids you have! Also, make sure she doesn’t hear about it from anybody but y’all.

Post # 7
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I see usher as a step down from Bridesmaid or Best Man and it’s also something I think of as a typically male job. I think you might just have to keep her. It’s not worth all the drama IMO.

Post # 8
Member
1423 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

As long as she’s genuinely excited to be one of the party, I’d just keep her as a bridesmaid (KateMW seems right that usher is a step down, and perhaps singling her out as "not good enough" to be a bridesmaid).  If you explain the situation she’ll be really embarrassed and probably really uncomfortable around you for a very long time.  It doesn’t seem worth it for a little less inconvenience and more even sides.  I’d also keep it mum on how she became part of the wedding party because that could get back to her and make her feel bad, too. 

Chin up!  The more the merrier (but no more)!

Post # 9
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Well, as previously said, you have three choices – keep her, demote her to a lesser job, or explain that the whole thing was a mistake.  Your biggest problem, as I see it, is not your accidental bridesmaid but your Fiance.  The two of you need to have a little talk.  Is he also just going to add random people to the guest list without consulting you?  It’s not a terribly team-like attitude.  As a general policy, if one of you (or your parents, that will happen too) creates a sticky situation by acting without consulting the other, the person who screwed up (and yes, designating someone as your bridesmaid without asking you is a pretty big screwup) gets to go fix the problem.  So really your Fiance should take care of implementing whatever fix you decide on.  Same as he (or your mom) would be responsible for telling accidental guests that they are really not invited.  It’s really awkward, but it’s certainly a good way to teach people the importance of consulting with all parties concerned before making some kind of unilateral decision that is not theirs to make.

Post # 10
Member
69 posts
Worker bee

I think only you and your Fiance can decide what to do in this situation, and that the two of you really need to talk about how this happened – both him telling her without consulting you, and neither of you dealing with the situation quickly.

Just to add another perspective, too… While it would be nice to think that she (and her FI) would be understanding if you asked her to step down, the reality is that since "been awhile already", she’s probably going to be upset and hurt. Is this worth potentially losing some friends over?

Post # 11
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Absolutely not. I would not add her. You’re bridal attendants are people you know are close to you and who support you. Would you feel comfortable looking at all your wedding pictures with her in it? This is your wedding day…and for her to ask you to put her in your wedding just so they can be together is extremely inconsiderate and rude on her part.

The topic ‘Getting rid of a bridesmaid?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors