(Closed) Getting Separate Houses, but staying together

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 168
Member
2842 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsSmokey:  My Mom’s old boss lived that way. She and her husband were both school district superintendents and required to live within their district. So they lived apart for many years yet still stayed together. Good luck.

Post # 169
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsSmokey:  I wouldn’t do it, but I can totally understand the need to have your own space. I go crazy if I don’t have some time alone in the house every few days just to do my own thing. DH doesn’t stop me from doing anything, but I think it’s just necessary to be on your own sometimes. If it will help your relationship, why not!

Post # 170
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee

@MrsSmokey:  sorry if you thought it was rude, but logically that seems to make sense.  And your original post was that you are doing this to avoid divorce, so I’m not pulling it out of thin air.

To me marriage is “through thick and thin.”  You did ask for opinions, no?  If it’s hard to handle differing viewpoints, it’s better not to ask at all.

Post # 171
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee

@MrsSmokey:  I know of a couple who did this for about 5 years. They also had children.

They are now getting divorced.

Not to discourage you, I just know I couldn’t do that and I’m not sure if it is really a good idea, especially for your child. 

ETA: Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton live together in Blake’s house, but Miranda kept her home (a short distance from Blakes) so that she can “get away” from him if she needs to. Good Luck!

Post # 172
Member
417 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MrsSmokey:  Pretty much every couple loves their alone time. Just because you live together doesn’t mean you need to be attached at the hip. If you can afford TWO houses, can you not afford one big house? I have an office, where I work and spend a lot of time, he has his garage etc. And you never answered my main questions, is this your only real relationship, and the only person you’ve ever lived with?

Post # 173
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsSmokey:  I am sorry about all the negative comments you’ve received. I do find that sometimes people here have strong opinions and I’ve had to delete a thread before!

Post # 174
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsSmokey:  I don’t see any issue with living apart if you need your space.  I enjoy my time home alone when my husband travels, but I do like him in my space when he’s home. 

Have you considered trying to find a home with a rental space in the basement or attice, or a mother in law suite?  That way he could have his own separate space with a locked door, but still be available if there was an emergency with your son.  You could set up rules like you’ll always knock or at least text/call before coming over, etc.  And your son could still be in the same place, but go camp out with dad a couple nights a week, etc, without having to haul all his stuff back and forth. 

And if you decide to either divorce or move back in together, you could actually rent out the space for some more income.

Post # 176
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@MrsSmokey:  Yeah, sounds like the same thing.  I used to live in a house that was converted into two apartments, more like an up/down duplex, and something like that would probably work for you, too, but might be harder to find.  Hope you find something that works for your family!

Post # 177
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

I Would only do this before marriage. Fiance and I have lived together before, we don’t live together now. I think you should do what you feel is best for your marriage every couple isn’t the same. Good luck with everything!

Post # 178
Member
46 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

There’s a couple I know of who have adjoining homes but don’t traditionally live together. They also just had a child and are seemingly very happy.

Post # 179
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@MrsSmokey: I can’t believe all the negative responses you are getting! Maybe this is because I live in a large city, there are so many people here who do bi-coastal or dual city marriages– this is much less drastic than that! Some people need more space than others. All I can think is “wow if I did this my house would be so clean.”

Post # 180
Member
5136 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsSmokey:  I really hope this works out for you, because I have never heard of a married couple living separately. On top of all this, do you really think its a healthy environment for your son? Don’t you think he will be confused? That was my first thought when reading your post.

If you are truly in love with someone, I can’t imagine you would want to be away from them.

Post # 181
Member
7111 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Alright, sounds like I’m coming to the game a little later, but I’ll throw in my two cents.

Currently, I wouldn’t consider this with my husband. I suppose if we got into a situation where this was a good option, I’d consider it. I don’t think it’s wrong to want your own space. Plenty of people have a “man-cave” or personal office. One of my good friends pointed out that he and his wife and daughter are all introvers so they all have their own rooms: dad has an office, mom has a sewing room and daughter has a playroom. They can socialize together in the living room or split up into their own rooms as they prefer. Works great for them. I see this as a more extreme version of that.

Also, I’d definitely think about a duplex/mother-in-law suite. I think this has most of the benefits you’re looking for (personal space) but has some nice benefits of easy accessibility for yourselves and your son. I think there are huge benefits to being able to quickly walk from one home to the other without having to get into a car. If that’s possible.

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