I know this is a super old thread, but it hits home, so I wanted to reply. I don’t find this odd at all, and here’s why.
With my last ex that I lived with, most of our “we’re irritated with each other and now we’re fighting” situations could probably have been avoided if we didn’t live together. But we wanted to spend a lot of time together, too, which is why we moved in together in the first place. I thought, after we broke up (not just because of these specific issues, but they definitely contributed), “I think with my next relationship, we should live in apartments next door to each other!”
My ex was messy/dirty, and I am a clean person that gets claustrophobic around clutter. When we lived together, I was constantly irritated because I either had to follow around behind him picking up/cleaning up, or live in a pig sty. Neither of which made me happy. Had we lived next to each other, he could mess up his apartment as much as he wanted, and it wouldn’t reflect badly on me, and I could just go home to a nice clean organized house where I could relax and have people over without spending the whole weekend cleaning and scrubbing first. And when he spent time at my place, he wouldn’t leave his clothes all over the floor, and in laundry baskets, and on the back of the couch, because the only clothes of his at my place would be the ones on his body that he’d have to wear back home! He wouldn’t be leaving beard hairs and toothpaste in my sink, because after we woke up together on sleepover nights, he’d go back to his next door apartment to shower and get ready for work. See where I’m going with this?
My ex had a 9 year old daughter that was with us every other weekend, and while I did enjoy spending time with her, I didn’t enjoy having to clean up after her when she left, or having to turn lights off after her EVERY SINGLE TIME SHE WALKED OUT OF A ROOM. If we had lived next door to each other, she could have been a tornado in HIS apartment, and wasted HIS electricity.
I also couldn’t stand his best friend. He was a loud, obnoxious, asshole that would interrupt every sentence I started. On the nights when he came over to hang out, I felt like I was banishing myself to the bedroom or out of the house because i didn’t want to hang out in the common area with him, or have to deal with listening to him when I’d go into the kitchen or bathroom. If we lived next door to each other, I could just be at my own place, with free reign over the entire apartment and not have to listen to his voice.
My ex and I loved cuddling up together at night and waking up together in the morning, we loved hanging out together in the evenings, going on dates, etc, so we thought that moving in together would let us do that more often. But then we noticed that the more we nitpicked at each other over the day to day living irritations, the less we enjoyed doing those things together.
So I totally get it. Just thought I’d throw out some reasons WHY a relationship might work better when living apart. Living together wasn’t the sole reason we split up, but it was definitely unnecessary stress that contributed to a large part of it. Before we lived together, we lived about 25 minutes apart, which didn’t work at all, either. Had I not owned a home, in hindsight I think that we would probably have fared much better if we’d have just moved to adjacent apartments.