- 3 years ago
I have a family member who is going to marry a complete sociopath and I am wondering if anyone has had any success in intervening? Without giving out specific details, this person has been in a long term (over 8 years) relationship with my family member and she suffered past abuse that she never got help for and definitely still emotionally stuggles with it, so she is kind of a perfect victim. Her sig other has managed to get control of their finances and keeps her on a strict budget despite the fact that she is by and far the breadwinner, he is financially involved with many other family members, cosigning loans and such and has even convinced my family member not to have a car of her own, which frequently results in her being stuck at home or work. He contintually ropes family members into schemes and tries to find out everyone’s personal business in order to use it as leverage later on, does not take criticism well (as in, does not tolerate it at all), and has displayed a temper toward my family member in front of others (screaming at her and verbally berating her). He shows no remorse for hurting anyone’s feelings and has no respect for anyone. Yet, most everyone seems to tolerate him because he is also very charismatic and essentially flirts with everyone he comes across to win them over. Years ago when I first met him I thought he was outgoing and kind of funny, but it quickly turned into feeling creeped out and that there was something offputting about him. It seems kind of hopeless as my family member justifies his behavior and seems to feel like she can’t start over again after being in this relationship for so long, and she also gets defensive whenever anyone seems critical of him. I realize she ultimately has to be the one to become fed up with his behavior and decide she’s had enough, but was just curious if anyone knows of any resources or something that could help to open her eyes. I can’t even text or email her about it because he reads her personal messages and deletes things, and when you call her or make plans with her, he is always around.
Any ideas? Or do I just have to let this play out? I know not to give up on her because he would love nothing more than for her to be totally isolated from everyone.