Post # 1
I just need some kind of support here weddingbees. I have talked to my fiance about this and do not want to get into huge arguments with him regarding our situation but I get so angry when I speak about it. We decided a few months ago that we wanted to get married in Hawaii. I have been a couple of times and he hasn’t. I don’t have family and he does. We thought it would be a nice vacay for everyone and on top of that I wouldn’t feel the “sadness” that would come from having a wedding with virtually all of his family there and hardly anyone there for me…including not having anyone to walk me down the aisle.
I want my sister as my maid of honor and he asked his dad to be his best man. We waited for acceptance of this request from his dad before beginning to plan because we live on the east coast and know that it’s a lot to ask of someone. His dad initially said yes but now has said he doesn’t know because of…..work. He owns a small company and doesn’t trust anyone while he’s gone to run it. I personally believe there’s more to it because I’ve heard that he’s also commented about how all of my fiance’s family is here. I don’t know what to do…we were going to have a big bbq celebration here for everyone when we returned just in case they couldn’t make the trip.
I am frustrated. Sad. And did I mention…WE ARE PAYING FOR IT!!!!
Post # 3
So you just wanted to vent or were you asking for advice?
I say to go with your gut. If you think there’s something else, there probably is. For my wedding, my fiance doesn’t think any of HIS family will be there. He says maybe his parents and his sister and her husband. He doesn’t even want me to ask his mom for a guest list. I feel bad about that because I do not want her to think I’m cutting her and her family out of the wedding. I’m sure it will look that way if I send out only two invites to his side of the family without saying anything to any of them. He got mad when I said I was asking his mom anyways, because she isn’t going to be thinking I’m rude like that.
I think that his family would probably make you feel good and compensate for your family not being there. It’d probably be really sentimental if his father walked you down the aisle as a way of accepting you as his daughter “in law.” But, if you want to get married in HI, and that’s a long way for everyone to go, you gotta accept that you’ll get no’s. look in the destination thread at the frustrations of other brides who have 30% guest list attendance to their destination wedding, and it could put things into perspective better.
Post # 4
I wanted to vent/advice. 🙂
I know people will say no…the problem is that he wants him to be his best man and he said yes initially. We started planning/buying save the dates etc and then he changed his mind. We don’t care if the guest list is small (that’s what we want) … but we would like him there because it’s his dad. I talked to his siblings etc to get their opinion about whether he would come before we even asked my fiance’s dad.
Post # 5
Just wanted to give you a virtual hug! 😀
Post # 6
Maybe just run off to Hawaii and elope/have your honeymoon and then come back and have a reception so that his family doesn’t have pressure to travel so far and leave behind work and such.
Post # 7
:/ that is frustrating, his father shouldn’t have said yes in the first place, if he felt that way.
Post # 8
@pengoala: Ha! Thank you….sooooo need it.
Post # 9
I do want to just go and do it…just trying to be respectful of my fiance’s feelings as well but if he says let’s do it….then we are!!! I will know in the next week or so — wish me luck! 🙂