(Closed) Getting the bridesmaids involved

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012


they shouldnt expect anything from you this early on. I would just keep in touch with them. you shouldnt have to go into specific details or give them updates. just call and say hey! and that you are excited about the wedding and glad they are in it. dont ask them for their opinion on everything you do. trust me you wont want it. use the bee to get your opinions.

 I had a bridesmaid Zilla! so my advice to you is to pick out about 3 dresses you like and have them all try them on. dont tell them which one you pick right away. and most importantly Dont let them go looking on their own even when you are at the shop. this causes a bunch of problems. just say i picked these three, please try them on.

good luck!

Post # 5
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I have two bridesmaids who are out of state (one of them visits often) and another who lives 4 hours away (she visits even more often). I agree that it is still early, so I am not expecting much from them right now. I have been talking frequently with my Maid/Matron of Honor about wedding related stuff but I try to not always talk wedding! I have set up a facebook group for my bridesmaids so we can all keep up with things and share bouquet/dresses/etc ideas. It works very well for us!

Post # 7
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Just say you’re happy to have them and that it’s very early. Things probably won’t really pick up until about 6 months out for a month, and then again 2 months out to be day.  I was kind of a “show up on the day in the dress” bride and really just wanted my best girls to feel special and hang out with me lots right around the wedding. So think about what you’re hoping their participation will be and give them a clear summary of your Ideal bridesmaid. It’ll be he best thing to eliminate drama I the future. 

Post # 9
3305 posts
Sugar bee

My BMs haven’t had much to do so far except buy their dresses and listen to me b!tch about my Future Sister-In-Law and the wedding drama I have had so far and I am getting married in 3.5 months. Tell them because of distance, you don’t require much but you will let them know when you need some help.

Post # 10
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

 I understand why you’re confused, I was too! All of my bridal party is at least 4 hours away. I made my sister my Maid/Matron of Honor and she hasn’t really ever been in that role before.  But one of my bridesmaids has been a bridesmaid and a Maid/Matron of Honor many many times. I call her my professional Bridesmaid or Best Man. She started getting a little upset with me and my sister because we had started to make plans for the shower and bachlorette without her input (booking hotel rooms and settling on a theme). Also, she had some idea that my sister Vetoed and it hit her pride a little. Then when I spoke to her more about why she was upset she said that she didn’t want me to think she wasn’t involved or that she didn’t want to help. She said she wanted to show me how much she cared about me and the wedding and she wasn’t being given the chance because my sister wasn’t involving her. So I had to intervene and push my sister to involve the others in the planning. I didn’t know what was going on and I have only been a bridesmaid once (for my friend who was upset) and I wasn’t involved at all in the planning because the Maid/Matron of Honor just took over everything and it was a huge bridal party. I told my friend that and she understood a bit more and then was upset that I was invited to be involved in her planning.

Recap, people are sensitive. Hugs make it better. I try to keep them updated on big things like the dress, the shower, décor and any issues I need to vent on.

Post # 12
2359 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I haven’t needed much help from mine either, and my wedding is within a month

I just started making my list of who i am dedicating day of jobs to because that’s when i will really need their help.  

I have kept them up to date with everything so far every so often just so everyone is on the same page. 

Post # 13
5001 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

My bridal party is all out of state and I haven’t asked them for anything other than opinions on pictures of dresses and save-the-dates and stuff. I’m not planning to have them really do anything for a while and even then it won’t be a lot. I’ll help with planning the bachelorette party and bridal shower and I have a wedding planner and an involved mother so I don’t think I need them to do much.

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