Post # 1
The boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years (3 in July). He’s 34, I’m 26 and I’ve been ready to get married for a while now. In fact, I was sure I’d get a proposal last year when he took me to Colombo for our anniversary. I was wrong. I let that go because to be fair, we’d never spoken about it and I figured he needed to know I was ready. So sometime in October 2011, I finally brought up the marriage topic. It wasn’t an easy discussion but he did tell me that of course he was going to marry me. He even asked me when I would like to do it and I said ideally in December 2012 or early 2013. And that was that. My birthday came by in November and I was so excited when he blindfolded me and led me to his room but no ring. I didn’t say a word. Then came Christmas, then New Year and still nothing.
Sometime in January 2012, he told me that I could tell my best friend that we had decided to get married and that I could tell my parents “soon”. So of course, I got excited thinking the proposal would happen soon. It’s now April and I feel like a fool. And it’s not just about the proposal. I just feel like we haven’t done ANYTHING to even move in that direction. We were supposed to look for houses together (to move into AFTER we tied the knot). We’ve only had one day of house hunting so far and since then I haven’t been able to coax him to come again. We were supposed to start a joint bank account and haven’t done that yet. I just feel like he has an excue for everything!
Sometime last month I had a breakdown and cried and asked him what the hell was going on to which his response was that I was nagging him (HOW?) and taking the fun out of it and that he’d do it in his time. He even said “Don’t you think I wanted it to happen by now?” Why hasn’t it then. And what’s this nonsense about “his” time. This is about both of us and I have a right to ask him what is going on.
Anyway, I decided to lay low for a while, not bring it up at all. Unfortunately I got a little drunk on our trip 2 weeks back (again, no ring) and I had to ask him why he hasn’t done it yet. His answer? “Because I haven’t bought a ring yet and because I think it’s unfair to make you a part of my life’s problems.” Huh? We’ve been together 3 years. I already AM a part of his life’s problems, right? I’ve been there for his family and him no matter what and it kinda hurt to hear him say that. He still includes me in talks about our future and things like that but I don’t believe it anymore.
I’m just getting tired of all the excuses. Why build up my excitement. Why lead me on if you’re not going to do it. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum because at the end of the day, I want to marry someone who wants me as much as I want him and I’m starting to think this may not be it. I’m tired of the talk. I want action.
Is he ever going to do it? And what should I do from here on? Keep waiting?
Post # 3
I’m sorry. It must be so hard to be led on like that!
I don’t have any good advice either…
But hang in there!!
Post # 4
ahh that is frustrating! I know how you feel because my boy went through something similar to this. He felt I was nagging when I hadnt even brought it up, he also felt like ‘what is the rush?’
But all I can say is he will get there eventually…keep yourself busy, work on your own things and itll happen.
Post # 5
I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don’t. I’m in the same situation. We went ring shopping back in August and I’m still waiting!! Some days are harder than others, especially when I hear news of another friend who is getting engaged.
I’m trying to keep busy, and stay positive about everything. I know he wants to get married, it just gets so frustrating when I try to figure out WTF he’s waiting for.
Post # 6
Did anything happen between the time he said you could tell your family and friends then said he didn’t want to make you a part of his problems? That would explain the hesitation a little. I know what you’re going through, my boyfriend and I have been together for awhile now and were not engaged yet. Our matter is more of finance, since we want to move back to the states to get married (he’s Aussie and I moved here for him,) but I still get the frustration! He obviously wants to marry you since he’s already said that, so it’s weird that he hasn’t asked yet. Maybe he has the ring and is just waiting for the perfect time:) at the end of the day, if you both love each other just be confident in that! I know many friends who were getting irritated that they weren’t engaged, then their so popped the question! If you truly want to spend your life with him and believe it will happen, then just wait it out! It’ll come when you’re least expecting 🙂
Post # 7
Thank you 🙂 I’m going to try!
Post # 8
Yep, that’s what I need to do, force myself to not think about it because the more I think about it, the more resentful and angry I get and I’m sure he knows what its about even though I dont actually say it. Thanks a ton! 🙂
Post # 9
Isn’t it the worst when everyone around you seems to be getting married?? A friend of mine who is tying the knot next month met his fiance about 6 months back. Then there’s my little sister who’s getting married in September this year. It’s so very hard to not be affected by it. I hope he pops the question before my sister’s wedding. I have some snarky relatives that I don’t want to deal with. I hope your boyfriend pops the question soon too! 🙂
Post # 10
Thanks Ashley for that positive reply 🙂 As for anything significant happening, his dog of 14 years passed away, although it wasn’t a shock since the poor thing was suffering from cancer. I don’t think that should have anything to do with it especially since I was the one driving him to the vet a lot towards the end, I was the one at home alone with his crying mom while they took him to the vet one last time, I was the one consoling her when they buried him and things like that. So I dont see how that could have worked against me. Another significant thing is that I got a job that may involve me moving to another city but we’ve spoken about that and he was pretty sure that he will move base with me although I’m not sure if he secretly has any concerns. Other than that, I can’t think of anything.
Oh well, I’m just going to have to be patient I suppose.
Good luck to you and your boyfriend! 🙂