(Closed) Getting TOO involved in the process of picking out a ring

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Your man wants to pick out a ring to signify his love and how he sees you. If you pick it out, you lose all of that.

Mine picked out a solitaire heart.  I didn’t think I liked it at all! But once I had it on, and he told me all the stuff he went through to pick out and build this specific ring with me in mind, I can’t imagine having any other ring.

Post # 4
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@maggierose: I gave Fiance a wishlist. I didn’t tell him “THIS RING” but I gave him a wishlist of 6 rings I think on moissaniteco.com. He would log into my account once in a while to see if I had updated it, which I did like a billion times a day, and once he noticed the same six rings were on the list for more that 3 weeks, he made a decision on the style he liked and thought I would love. After all, any six of those rings I would have loved and he picked out the one I loved them most.

So maybe you can create an account on a website and give him the password and just set up a wishlist. That way you aren’t picking out the exact design, but you are letting him know your style. I mean, three stone rings are pretty, but not my style at all and I don’t think I would have love loved it if he had gotten me a three stone. I’d be one of the bee’s posting about how much I don’t like my ring and what should I do.

The jeweler really embarrassed me because he said something to my Boyfriend or Best Friend like “why are you even letting her look!?! This is YOUR decision, man!”

That was very rude of the jeweler to say that.

Post # 5
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@maggierose:  “well, the color should at least be a G…and I think we wouldn’t want to go for any less than .8 carats…”

Honestly?  While I think giving some input on what you like in terms of style is okay, demanding a minimum of clarity and size is out of line. 

You’re saying “we” when what you mean is “me.”  Yes, you’re the one wearing the ring and I get that the style matters to you but he’s the one that has to pay for it.  He should get to determine size and other characteristics that effect the price. 

Post # 6
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

The jeweler was out of line.  Yes, it is your bf’s decision, but ultimatley you’re the one wearing it– why wouldn’t he want you to have something that you like?

Also, I disagree totally with the idea that if you help pick out the ring that it somehow doesn’t signify your bf’s love. 

Post # 7
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I honestly had no idea what kind of ring I was getting until I got it 🙂 and ya know what, I love it and while I see other ones that I think are gorgeous too, but he spent so much time picking out this ring for me, it makes it that much more special!

Post # 8
Member
39 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think for your case, since you are a very indecisive person, you should give him complete control.  If you knew EXACTLY what you wanted, then you could tell him, but since you don’t, let it be a surprise.  You will love it because HE loved it and because it reminded him of you!

Post # 10
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

That jeweler needs to keep his opinions to himself. Not every couple has the man pick out the ring all by himself.

I was involved in the ring buying process, but that worked for us and my Fiance never felt uncomfortable about it. I found “the one” after we looked at a ton of places. After I found that one, nothing ever compared ever again. It is on my finger now and I love it every single time I look at it and it reminds me of the hard work we put in together as a couple to get engaged.

It does get overwhelming at times to shop for a ring that is worn for life, but I think it is worth it.

So keep looking, you’ll find it. If not, then a jeweler can custom make one exactly how you guys invision it. (But don’t go back to that guy with the attitude!!!)

Making a wish list is also a great idea like @Miss Tattoo said.

Post # 11
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@maggierose: you are not a monster, maybe just excited? 🙂

Post # 12
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you’ve given your Boyfriend or Best Friend enough input that he definitely won’t get you a ring that you’ll absolutely hate. When my guy first asked what I would want, I KNEW I would be torn once I started looking, so I told him “white gold band, the rest is up to you.”  He had never bought any jewelry before getting me a few things over the years and I really liked his taste, so I was ok with trusting him!  More than anything I wanted to be surprised.

You’ve given your input so it’s time to just let go.  Stop thinking about the ring and start daydreaming of what the moment of his proposal will be like.

Post # 13
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I can’t believe the jeweler said that!! I would have walked out then and there.

I picked out my own ring. Well really WE picked it out. We looked and looked and looked and eventually just saw this ring that we absolutely adore. When we saw it we unanimously agreed that it was the one. So maybe you just haven’t looked long enough? A little indecision is okay!

Post # 14
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I went ring shopping with my best girl friend and told her everything I wanted (my ring size, the 2 cuts I like best, that I wanted white gold, and that I like “antique style” rings).  She wrote that all down.  About a year before my fiance proposed, I told him- “hey, in the future, if/when you are thinking of proposing, make sure you call or email Sarah first because she knows my ring size and everything I like!”

I wasn’t entirely sure he actually did that, until I saw my perfect ring at our proposal.  He picked it all on his own, but it had the elements I knew I wanted and I am so happy with it.

Post # 15
Member
3374 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Would you have been okay with a small princess solitaire? If the answer is no, then it’s good you went shopping.

Some men are good at picking out rings, others are less skilled in that area. (just like some men are great dressers and others wear mismatched socks!)

Post # 16
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@AEMalmostK: why wouldn’t he want you to have something that you like?

I doubt that there’s any guy out there who wants to spend a small fortune on something his intended doesn’t like but that’s a far cry from being pressured to submit to a list of demands or minimum requirements because his intended refuses to be happy with anything “less.”  

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