(Closed) Getting TOO involved in the process of picking out a ring

posted 11 years ago in Rings
Post # 32
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

“well, the color should at least be a G…and I think we wouldn’t want to go for any less than .8 carats…”

I am HOPING that the OP didn’t come off as demanding as this statement sounds and I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt that it didn’t.

OP – did you and your BF discuss and agree on carat, cut, color, and clarity before looking at rings or did you pull this out of the blue?

I will say that I don’t think it’s fair to give such stipulations on cut, carat, clarity, and color.  What if those aren’t in the groom’s price range?  Then what is he going to do?  Not get a ring and make his girl wait longer? 

Because, if any bride looked at rings and set these stipulations that the groom couldn’t meet, you know the bride would be on here saying “He said we could look at rings and we did and I picked out this cut/color/clarity and I don’t have it yet.  Why don’t I have it? It’s been four months!  Didn’t looking at rings mean anything?  He said he’d propose soon and it’s been 4 months?” while the poor guy is trying to save up more cash to get the suggested ring.   

Post # 33
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

@lisa105: I have to say I agree with what the others have said about your posting… I realise you may not realise how you come across but I nearly didn’t reply to this topic when I saw you had commented… You come across as very judgemental and argumentative in your posts and it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

Post # 34
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ MrsT2b- Like to that. I refrained from commenting on the other board that escalated into 7 pages of back and forth, but since it’s starting all over again, I just couldn’t help it.

Post # 35
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

It’s a fine line between giving your opinion and taking over the proposal. I think it’s good that you two went shopping together and you were able to try some on.  That is the best way to see what you like and what looks good on your hand.  I know you were probably just excited, and that is why you jumped ahead and told the jeweler what you wanted, but make sure you have that convo with your man first.  A lot of guys dont know about the 4 Cs or the difference between a D and an M. If you guys go shopping again, make sure you discuss what you want ahead of time so he is not thrown to the dogs, and then he can make the jeweler think it was mostly “his idea” and will feel like “the Man”, lol. But yay for finally getting him to go ring shopping!!!!!!

Post # 36
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@symphony:  I’m just genuinely curious as to why every time somebody posts something like this, you have to tear them to shreds.

I tore someone to shreads?  Who?  Where? 

Yes, I think its inappropriate to dictate minimum requirements for size and quality of your diamond.   

 

View original reply
@MrsT2b:  Then don’t read my posts.  Simple, yes?

Post # 37
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@lisa 105:

I wasn’t saying that those were my requirements. I was giving an example to the OP. I will be there when my ring is bought. I don’t understand what’s wrong with maggierose letting her SO know what she likes. It’s a very meaningful piece of jewelry and as much sentimental value it has (HUGE!)…it is ultimately jewelry (she will wear everyday) so she should have something she wants to wear everyday. He could look at the list and say well I don’t think that G looks any different from H and make that decision, but he at least knows what would make her the happiest. If the situation was reversed (where women buy their SOs engagement rings) I would without a doubt want to get my SO something that he would LOVE which would include getting his opinion. Regardless of how the ring is chosen…whether he chooses it on his own or she helps him…the ring is a symbol of love.

Post # 38
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@ lisa105. I believe there is seven pages worth of it somewhere in rings. We KNOW what you think is appropriate. Just let them be! That’s my last post on this topic, I know when something is worth getting into it with somebody and this thread right here is just not it. She didn’t come looking for this.

Post # 39
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

@mg1363: But OP and her Fiance do not want her to be there when the ring is picked out. Her exact words

“How do I step back from the process and just let him decide and not freak out about liking the ring or not?”

Your advice (and many other Bees as well) is that it’s fine to pick out your own ring. That simply not what the OP is asking.

Post # 40
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

wow. I think you should give him some ideas and let him pick out one. It will let him feel like he had some input into this whole thing. this is one thing us guys get to do and more and more women are starting to demand certain rings. whats the point of an ebgagement ring if the man has no control over it? i think you should back off. your bf is obviously upset that you are giving him requirements when it should be about the love and promise….not the size or color. if you keep it up you might get a shut up ring instead of an engagement ring. 

Post # 41
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

@lisa105: But you see it’s not that simple… I DO avoid your posts like the plague if I can, but I really wanted to let the OP know what I thought in this case because I was hoping it might be useful to her.

I was hoping against all hope that you just didn’t realise how unpleasant you come across. But apparently you do. Oh well.

Post # 42
Member
526 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mr. Tattoo:  Amen and well said. 

 

Post # 43
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Belle2Be: I guess I was trying to say that she could write it down and get it out of her system so to speak by giving it to him…so she would feel like she had some input and that might help her to take a step back and feel comfortable that he would at least know her style. It was just an opinion though 🙂

Post # 44
Member
1431 posts
Bumble bee

Hey guys – let’s keep the focus on the OP’s question, and avoid recreating discussions from old thread.  Thanks!

Post # 45
Member
401 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

OP, I think you should just talk to your SO and tell him how you feel, tell him you feel like you are getting too involved and that, while it might be fine for some people, you really want to try to step back and let him make the final decisions. Let him know that if he has doubts, you will totally give your opinion, but tell him you TRUST him and believe that he can make the decision. 

Ultimately, you gotta do what works for you. If it makes you feel any better, we are designing the ring together, I’m picking out the stone and probably doing most of the leg work with the jeweler. I originally hated the idea of even having a ring because it felt like some antiquated ritual where a man shows how much he loves a woman through showing his wealth. (not saying that this is what it is, but it’s how it FELT for a long time for me) However, it was something important to my boyfriend and he and I reached this compromise. It helps that both of us hate spending money so the idea of laying down thousands of dollars on something that both of us aren’t in love with sort of sickened us.

There are no “rules of engagement ring shopping” because it’s personal between the couple.

Post # 46
Member
1245 posts
Bumble bee

@mg1363: Yeah I know 🙂 I just felt like I was getting a little flack for my opinion, which was only intended to give her the plus sides of having her guy pick it out for her like he wants 😀

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