- 5 years ago
Hi all. I need some positive reinforcement and maybe a few kind words or words of advice.
I’m getting married in June (I mentioned this in another thread). The thing is, I’m not sure I can do this. It’s not that I don’t want to be married, or that I don’t love my dude. The problem lies in the fact that I won’t have my father there. Next month will be the two year mark of his death. 🙁
I know that some people aren’t affected by something like this. But, my dad was the one who was always there cheering me on, albeit silently. He believed in me when no one else did. I always considered him my lighthouse that guided me in the stormy seas of life. He was my anchor. I knew he was always there for me. Always.
I always imagined that he would walk me down the aisle. But, as the years went on, I knew he couldn’t do that because he had problems walking. But, I always thought that he would be there in his wheelchair to still give me away.
Now, he’s gone. And even after two years, I’m still heartbroken. The pain is still as fresh as it was the day I heard the news. He died a month after I moved across the country. I never got the chance to say goodbye, or that I loved him one more time.
I’m obviously going to still get married. I just need some verbal hugs or something because this is so hard to do knowing that he isn’t here to see our marriage finally happen.
If he was still alive, this whole wedding would be so different. We’d be having it back home so he could be there, even if it was just for the ceremony. Even if he couldn’t participate, I think he’d still be there in the back of the church to watch.
I’m just feeling down right now. I think about him all of the time. But, the closer we get to the big day, the more I wish he was here. I just hope I don’t break down on my wedding day. I do have his favorite flower in my bouquet in his memory.
Sorry for such a long blab fest. I just don’t have anyone to talk to about this.