(Closed) Getting treated different after one of his siblings gets engaged?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Yikes! That is totally out of line for her to make any sort of comment about your relationship. Just because they are engaged doesn’t mean it’s the right decision for you right now – it sounds like you and your bf have a smart timeline in place and have goals you want to accomplish before marriage! 🙂 I would imagine that nothing will change with your relationship with your in-laws just because your bf’s brother put a ring on it.


Post # 3
10309 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Both my husband and my SIL (my brother’s wife) were treated very much like family early on in our relationships. Neither were treated differently after engagement or seen as more a part of the family. I also don’t feel that I’m treated any differently by my in-laws than I was from before we were engaged/married.

Unless you’ve had issues with your boyfriend’s family in the past I really wouldn’t worry about it. Honestly, as long as they are ice and welcoming it doesn’t really matter who they treat better – that’s just petty, immature nonsense.

Post # 4
234 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you should worry about anything. I applaud you for trying to build a good foundation for yourself before committing to marriage, shows how very mature you are! I don’t think you have anything to worry about with your boyfriend’s family…the fact that your future SIL would make such a comment shows her immaturity and insecurity! I was treated like family the day I met my in-laws, even before I knew they’d be my in-laws! A weird thing that kinda happened with my BIL is right after my husband proposed to me, the Brother-In-Law rushed to propose to his girlfriend literally a week after and rushed to announce their date before we even done celebrating being engaged. Kinda weird, but whatevs. Fast forward to now, we are married and they had to push their date back several times bc personal issues. Basically don’t mind anyone’s business, let your future SIL be petty, stick to your plan and do your own thing!

Post # 7
4874 posts
Honey bee

It really sounds like her (the mom’s) comments had nothing to do with you.  It sounds like they didn’t take their relationship seriously and now that they are engaged, they will have to.  it doesn’t sound like she was implying that they only take engaged relationships seriously and that you are somehow less than because you aren’t engaged.  I think you’re worrying over nothing.  Context of comments is important.  You just focus on you and your relationship instead of her.

Post # 8
7424 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Sounds like something a 19 yr old would say. 

Post # 9
632 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
bambii :  Teenagers can be hateful and self absorbed creatures so show her some grace and don’t let it affect you.


Realistically, relationships do change with thru major life events and wedding planning/marriage is one of those major life events.  There are bees on this board everyday dealing with relationships imploding with ILs and there are others who feel like they’ve gained another family thru the process.  If your ILs are currently reasonable and kind then you likely have nothing to worry about. 

Post # 10
3107 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
bambii :  Engagement is a bigger commitment than just boyfriend/girlfriend.  Engaged couples are taken more seriously because they’re getting married.  She could be correct. The family may see her as more permanent than you because their sons actions have shown them he’s planning on forever with her by asking her to marry him.  Since you have said you are certain you’re marrying your bf, why is he delaying proposing? There’s no rule that every goal has to be achieved before engagement! You could set the wedding date for few years from now. ….

Post # 11
363 posts
Helper bee

Don’t worry too much about what a 19 year old engaged to a practical stranger has to say. You’re being smart and responsible.

Post # 12
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

View original reply
bambii :  I would take “well now we have to treat her like they’re engaged” to mean they don’t especially like her and we’re hoping she would not stick around but now they are going to have to be more careful not to be rude to her since it seems like she’s staying. Unless you are treated badly or wierd by his parents I think that comment should make you feel bad for her, not jealous of her.

Post # 13
1256 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

She’s practically feeding you the PERFECT comeback.  “Oh, gosh, we just want to focus on our lives and educations.  Education is just SO important and we want to prioritize that right now for our future.  We also want some time to figure out the best way for us to combine our lives and make sure things are well-planned and not rush into anything.”

Post # 14
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Don’t forget she’s 19 and immature. Don’t let her get to you. As nykkee : pointed out, you should definitely not be jealous of her. OP, you’ve gotten some great advice on here from other PPs except for 1. 

View original reply
mrstodd2bee :  OP asked “what were your experiences with engaged people in your S/Os family before you were engaged?” and no where in the post is she questioning her relationship.


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