(Closed) getting your feelings hurt over wedding reactions?

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Wow…that is ridiculous!  Can your aunt not leave your cousins home alone without fear that they will burn the house down?  Do they not have friends who they can spend the day with?  If they were 4 and 5 this might be a valid argument.  I am sorry that she responded that way…what did you mom say?

Post # 5
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Honestly I don’t think people realize how sensitive brides are about their wedding details and how saying silly things like that can really affect someone. I mean really, they are teenagers, she is just being cranky…

Post # 6
Member
5262 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

Ugh, I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. They’re clearly old enough to fend for themselves! 

I take things personally too. I guess because a lot of brides put so much time and effort into planning, but people don’t necessarily realize that. We’ve thought out ideas, and they’re definitely personal preferences. 

I can’t tell you the number of things I’ve just had to bite my tongue on because they weren’t “right” to family members. I just keep telling myself I’m not going to change their mind, and what they think doesn’t really matter. 

Post # 7
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If it makes you feel any better, I got screaming phone calls and condescending lectures when we decided to go childfree for our wedding. FH’s grandmother said that she refused to attend if all the grandkids (and there are 47 under 12) weren’t invited. When I got upset about it, she told me to go take a nap. His aunt called and yelled at me, and basically told me that none of our reasons for not inviting the kids were valid. His FATHER told us that we should just serve cake and punch at our reception, because then we’d get more presents (’cause we could invite more people/more people would come because their kids would be invited). FIL’s also told me that my flowers were tacky (because they’re fake… but let’s face it, Oriental Lilies aren’t exactly flowers you can preserve, and I’m a sentimentalist). I also got told that our 1-tier cake and sheet cakes were tacky, and that they would rather give us money so that we “could” invite the kids we DIDN’T WANT THERE, rather than give us any sort of honeymoon, which would cost them next-to-nothing (they have a platinum level timeshare program… even plane tickets are included in their points). 🙁

 

On the other hand, my parents have been fantastic. I don’t know what I would do without my mommy throughout this dramatic wedding planning lol.

Post # 8
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

Sorry that you’re already hearing that, and you’re not alone, I’m in the same boat.  I actually alrady heard it from my own mom how so many people won’t come to our wedding because we are excluding kids, but whatever.  I’ve come to the realization that if it means that much to them to decide not to go because of their kids, then they didn’t care to be there to begin with.

Post # 9
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh isn’t this a wonderful issue!? We decided to go childfree at our wedding, except the two flowergirls and two ring bearers (the 2 Ring Bearer are his nephews and one Flower Girl is my Godchild and the other is my cousin’s girl). His mom refuses to allow us to do this. We have to invite her sister’s grandchildren who are brats, and have not been disciplined a day in their lives! They are unruly! I made the comment that if we do this we have to invite the children on my side, because that would be completely unfair and hurt my family’s feelings. So now we’re inviting a crapload of kids, before kids our guestlist was already 400 people after cutting people twice! Now we have the kids to include, and we’re paying for the wedding ourselves! Then his family had the audacity to say to me that couldn’t believe I wouldn’t want kids at the wedding because I’m a peds nurse and does this mean I don’t want kids later in life….really!?!? It’s just ridiculous.

Post # 10
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Wow, that is so petty. I work with youth as my job, and every 14 and 15 year old I have ever worked with would be more than happy to go to a firend’s house for the day/ night and would even be OK to stay at home by themselves. It’s so frustrating when people are over dramatic and try and make things about themselves.

Post # 12
Member
1486 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh, I heard it too, and I had a legitimate safety reason.

The place where we’re getting married is right up against a lake with a slippery dock and no fence.  I had visions of children wandering off and falling into the water, and so I just decided that it was too dangerous.

Interestingly, I heard nothing from the people WITH children, it was people with grown children (or no children!) that had the biggest issue!

Post # 13
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My sister had a similar situation too… Our cousin (who is 12 years older) was pissed when my sis got married and didn’t invite her three girls (who were then around 10-15). The cousin decided to make a comment at her bridal shower about it, making my sister basically run away and cry.

I honestly agree with everyone about not inviting kids… Personally, we already have 9 aunts and uncles, all of our cousins and now we’re expected to invited their kids too??? (whom we’ve only seen once YEARS ago) These people have to chill out! I agree… people just like to make it about THEM.

Now I’m getting married and I’m doing the same thing as my sister. I’m paying for my wedding on my own and can’t afford to pay for all these kids…

We just have to hold our heads up high ladies and put our foot down about what we’ve decided (and at the same time be bigger person and let the comments roll off our backs)

 

 

Post # 14
Member
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve learned that no matter what people will be peeved about something, whether it be no kids, or morning/afternoon/evening wedding, or a fri or sunday wedding, outside, whatever!! Someone more then likely will have something to say about it, even if it was the perfect location, perfect date, and perfect time 🙂

Post # 15
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You’re definitely not alone.  Some people just don’t get that their reactions hurt people.  In this situation, I think she was only trying to say that so maybe your Mother would change her mind.  Its inconsiderate but I wouldn’t be hurt unless she actually doesn’t show!  My aunt made it awkward by telling us she’ll be bringing her child, while knowing children aren’t invited.  She’s always been one of those people that feels entitled, exempt from the rules.  I was pissed, especially because he’s kinda not a ‘well balanced’ kid.  But I wasn’t pissed enough to make it a big deal (and if I had my passive Mother would of ended up mad at me).  Her compromise was to book a hotel room and make sure he’s heavily medicated… awesome :/

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Well, we wanted to have the youngest kids be the flower girl/ring bearers (long story), but not actually walk down the aisle as they will most likely be screaming their heads off. Future Mother-In-Law (who I actually love and get along with very well) was not okay with this and pretty much insisted on her granddaughter walking. Seriously, this girl is such a spoiled brat she screams whenever I walk into the room or if her Mom leaves her for a second.

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