(Closed) getting your feelings hurt over wedding reactions?

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 18
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think there is something about weddings that brings out the worst in people as sad as that is.  Weddings are so wrought with emotion, particularly in the families of the bride and the groom, which can be problematic for everyone.

You would think that on your wedding day or from the moment that you are engaged, that everyone will be happy for you since it will be a joyous occasion, but this just simply isn’t the case.  I think this happens the most with people who are narcissistic in nature, where when you announce your wedding plans, if it doesn’t correlate to what they wanted (regardless of the fact that the wedding isn’t for them), they make their nasty and negative opinion known.

When you hear this kind of thing, try to ignore it as hard as it is.  People are selfish.  Comments like that are uncalled for and have no purpose to them.  Either ignore it or take the high road that you will miss them if they aren’t able to come, but understand if their children are too young (at 15, I laugh at this) to be alone for 5 hours.

Post # 19
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

i am also not having children at our wedding.  There will be a ring bearer who is our nephew, but that is it.  My mom’s side of the family has thrown plenty of hissy fits about it.  I was hurt in the beginning, but I just can’t stress about it anymore.  I think what everyone is saying is so true. 

@Mrs. Louboutin – Isn’t is so sad that it brings out the worst in people?  Everyone says exactly what they are thinking the second you tell them anything about the wedding.  And usually it is a thoughtless comment that has to do with them and NOTHING to do with you!

So don’t stress, we are ALL going through it.  I have had a lot of problems with family members feeling entitled and saying things about every decision.  You can only please yourself and your fiance.  Forget everyone else!  I know that is a lot easier said than done!

Post # 20
Member
1756 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I will never understand what it is about weddings that gives people permission to be judgmental. If you were going to a party at a friend’s house and they were serving vegetarian food and not allowing children, I cannot envision anyone going up to them and saying “How DARE you not serve meat?!” or “What in the world am I supposed to do with my kids during your party?!” Nor would you contact them to ask why so-and-so wasn’t invited or complain that they weren’t serving alcohol.

I realize that weddings aren’t your typical gatherings, but why must so many people’s social graces go out the window?! To anyone out there getting flak for their choices – I’m sorry your going through it, and I hope everyone in your life comes around to eventually respect your decisions.

Post # 21
Member
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I got into the biggest thing on flowers! Seriously flowers? They are going to die in like 5 days. I wanted my bouquet to be different flowers from my bridesmaid. I am paying for everything, and so of course only thinking of best bang for buck. I was totally going to go bulk flowers/ grocery store flowers. But that wasn’t good enough, and don’t you know they have to be the SAME flowers, same bouquet just smaller. At the end of arguing about it for several hours. I just gave in and bought 2 bouquets the exact same, and somehow we will take some out of hers and put into mine, and change ribbon. In the end I couldn’t deal with it, and they are just flowers. Silly to argue about it, so even though I am paying, we are doing it her way. Wedding are rid-ic-ul-ous!

Post # 22
Member
2777 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Ah weddings. What is it about them that brings out the best of the crazy? I totally feel for you. I’ve had my fair share of doozies of family related wedding drama. I can’t give you any advice but I just hope that you don’t give in! It’s your wedding, and you and your FH have made a decision to child-free wedding that should be good enough for everyone. Don’t let anyone bully you into changing your mind! Hugs.

Post # 23
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I just don’t get this whole issue. I mean being invited to a wedding is a privelge not something obligated. I just can’t fathom how ppl could demand things to other person’s wedding. It’s insane to say the least. Tacky, rude and annoying following right afterwards.

 To every Bee out there with this problem …IGNORE them ! Let them complain among themselves, delete nasty emails, delete nasty VM’s and if they don’t come OH WELL….their loss.

 

Post # 24
Member
399 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Here is what I want to say to the world regarding weddings:  (steps up on soap box)

1) We are adults.  You are adults.  If you don’t like or approve of our choices, that is fine.  Make your decisions accordingly.  Do not tell us of your disapproval because it will only make us feel bad and will cast a shadow on our relationship.

2) If you are invited to a wedding, and the logistics are complicated, just figure it out for yourself.  Wedding requires travel on your part? Decide if you can afford the time & expense, and RSVP accordingly.  Wedding is “no kids”?  Decide if you want to have a babysitter stay with your kids or not, and RSVP accordingly. 

Just behave like adults!  Geez!  (steps off of soap box)

Post # 25
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2007

I am so sorry.  I’d be really hurt if my own mother said that. How awful for you.

Post # 26
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee

Amen redherring… amen…. 

Post # 27
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow I’m so glad I’m not the only one with insensitive people in my life. We’ve had several issues with our families making unnecessary comments. FH and I are funding the wedding completely on our own and are doing the best we can to have the nicest wedding possible with the money we have. We’ve chosen to have a private ceremony with parents, siblings, and grandparents only and that upset my side of the family. I have a very small family so not inviting aunts and uncles only leaves out about 4 people but if we invite mine we have to invite the 20 or so on FH’s side. We’re having a reception with the entire family and some friends outside at a park/beach under a beautiful pavillion. We’ve heard everything from “well don’t you know its going to be hot” to “your wedding is going to be more like a picnic than a wedding”. Future Mother-In-Law called several family members and told them we weren’t going to even have table cloths and could they please help talk some sense into us about the choices we’re making. Future In-Laws also told us “well your wedding is so untraditional I don’t understand why you think its special enough to need a photographer” Ugh! Some people really need a filter between their brains and their mouths. Thanks for this thread and letting me vent 🙂

Post # 28
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I guess most of us are all in the same boat! Me and my fiance are 100% funding our wedding. We decided that it would be most economical for US to get married on a cruise (hello, joint wedding/honeymoon). When I told my grandmother the decision she said “im tired of going on cruises”. How dare she try to ruin my moment? I won’t allow her nor anyone else!

Post # 29
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Oh girrrrllllsss… you don’t know how relieved I feel like I am not the only one getting this ridiculous behavior from families. I have shocked so many with my relative wedding-crazy stories.

Post # 30
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This reminds me about the little argument I had with my aunt at at quinceanera (15 year old birthday/latin tradition). I don’t remember exactly how the argument was started but the point is we were arguing about guests inviting other guests and how I was gong to make people RSVP and seat guests at their assigned table and so forth. She was upset that she couldn’t invite people by word of mouth and that some guests will be upset that they can’t invite anybody and some of them may not come. Whatever *rolls eyes* any how I know how you feel. 

Post # 31
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

We haven’t heard anything about our’s being kid-free, but literally 5 minutes after my grandma’s funeral my sister commented that Fiance and I don’t have a real relationship because we hadn’t set the date yet! I didn’t say anything then, but later after everything set in I just started bawling all over Fiance. I mean I understand that she’s mad that a bunch of people in the family are getting married and her relationship is falling apart, but did she really have to say that?

Then, as if to top it off last Friday my mom tells me that older sister (same one) is jealous because I didn’t ask her to be in my Wedding Party. I was like WTF?! Seriously? I had asked my little sis because I knew that she really really wanted to dress up and whatever, but I didn’t think the older one would want to at all with her marriage problems. So, in being a polite person I just told mom, fine whatever. If she wants to do it then that’s fine. By the time I got home though, I was like Fudge, I don’t want her to be in it with how she’s acting especially since she’d probably be insulted at being a Bridesmaid or Best Man and want to be a Matron of Honor, which I don’t feel she deserves since she might be divorced by then and I already have a Maid Man of Honor. I sent her a message on facebook asking if she wanted to be a reader and she hasn’t even bothered to respond which is really ticking me off because she’s not talking to anyone in the family, not even when my dad texted her the wedding date. So GRRRRRRRR!!!!

I HATE FAMILY POLITICS!!!!!

[Edit] And I’m just waiting for people to e-mail me or call me to complain about the venue. We decided to marry at FIL’s church (which is LDS) because it’s free. I just know that the “superior” christians in my family will complain about it and I honestly can’t wait to tell them that I could care less if they show up.

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