(Closed) Getting your FI to help around the house….

posted 7 years ago in Home
Post # 3
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@Cornhusker:I feel your pain! Love my Darling Husband but he is a mammas boy! He is 28 in May and I just taught him this past summer how to actually load this dishwasher. It actually caused a fight with Mother-In-Law bc she was here and when I watched him do it first we were joking bc he put the top stuff on the bottom and vice versa! I asked “Where in hell did you learn to load a DW?” Mother-In-Law snapped and said “Well he’s never had to do that, I’ve always done it, be easy!” I was, but quickly said “And you don’t see anything wrong with a 27 year old man not knowing how to load a DW?” Apparently no! UGH!

But getting him to help out has been a constant struggle that yes has driven me to yelling, tears, etc. He finally told me that he quickly forgets if I ask him to do stuff, not being mean, he just has a short attention span. So what works is if I do a list on our chalkboard in the kitchen. I know many will say they shouldn’t have to write a list for an adult husband to help, but then if he doesn’t remember, you can’t bitch about it. This has helped tremendously! And when he does do the list, I be sure and praise him and show him how appreciative I am. Seeing me happy and less stressed about has also helped him remember to pick up a little without a list. So the list may be temporary!

Post # 4
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Easy. Go on strike. Let him watch you do nothing and see how long it takes him to do something about it. You may have to wallow in a mess for awhile, but he’ll start to ‘get it’.

Post # 5
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

How did he react when you blew up? Does HE see his behavior as a problem at all? Because if not, it’s going to be hard to get him to change…

Post # 6
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

@ItWasntMe:Great idea, but I’ve seen that backfire so many times. Some men really just do not care about messes, laundry etc.

Post # 8
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hmm…that’s difficult then. I feel like there are things that all couples have to compromise on, like if the cleaning is a big deal to you, then he should understand that and agree to work on it, even if it’s not a big deal to him. At the same time, you might need to become more flexible with when you want things to get done. Not to say that leaving all those things over the weekend for when you came home is okay, but for instance, if you ask him to do the dishes after dinner on Monday and he doesn’t end up doing them until Tuesday afternoon, you might need to just breathe out and let it go. Pick your battles, you know? but if you’re truly upset about this, and he just doesn’t seem to care/just blows you off, then THAT is a real problem because by doing that, he’s invalidating the way you feel.

Does he have any chores he’s in charge of doing?

Or alternately, is it an option to hire a cleaning person to come in like once a month or every other week?

Post # 9
Member
1231 posts
Bumble bee

men can live in their own filth for long periods of time (ever been to a frat house?). Withhold sex and make food for yourself. He won’t like that for very long. Sometimes you have to do something drastic to get your point across.

Post # 10
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It’s funny how something like house chores can cause such a fight. I get really frustrated with my Fiance as well. We’ve lived together for about 3 years now and I end up doing much more of the every day house cleaning. However – my Fiance usually takes care of the bigger chores. He mows the lawn, shovels the patio, fixes things… etc.

I’m not really sure what advice to give you… if you’ve tried sitting him down and cried and yelled. Although there is the risk of disaster, I’d try just leaving things as long as you can stand it. Or maybe put a list up on the fridge and make notes every time you do chores like dishes… etc. Maybe that would demonstrate how much work you are putting in?

Post # 11
Member
2271 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Apparently possessing an uterus makes one uniquely qualified to clean the house. Should I ever be so unfortunate as to require the removal of my uterus, I will demand that the doctor put said uterus in a jar which I shall present to my husband, Then HE will possess the uterus and then be uniquely qualified to clean the house!

Post # 12
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Also, have you had a discussion in which he AGREES to do certain chores? Like, sitting down and saying “here are the chores that we need to do weekly, monthly, etc. Which will you do and which will I do?”. Maybe you need to do that, instead of just asking him to do chores more randomly.

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