Post # 1
just wondering how unique this is to me…
Getting engaged has been a long process. I know my boyfriend loves me and wants to share his life with me (we’ve been happy together 8 years and own a home together). When it comes to marriage it’s not as important to him as it is to me. He says he doesn’t really think about it. So…after dropping hints as well as blatantly asking for an engagement ring for 5 years or more, I had to finally put my foot down. I told him marriage is very important to me and it’s something I want in my life. I explained that I’m tired of asking for an engagement ring and that something needed to change as I was not going to give up on this important value of mine. He said he wanted to make me happy and we chose a ring soon after.
Side note: when we first started dating and fell in love he gave no indication that marriage was not very important to him
Although it’s a bit sad that it took so much effort to get here, I am happy that he decided to finally get engaged almost see below. So I guess that’s the compromise on my part… I’m accepting that he’s willing to do it for me, even though it’s not very important in his mind.
So, ring arrived Friday via Fedex (I saw the box). He didn’t open it, then yesterday I told him to open it to inspect the ring to ensure there were no issues ( he did) and told me “it’s a good-looking ring”, he hid the ring. Now he’s saying he has to “figure out some way to give it to me”. This is BIG because I was worried he might just give me the FedEx box to open. A lot of the romance in the engagement was taken away by the fact that I had to put my foot down. 😖
i was telling my good friend how tedious this has been and how I imagine planning the wedding will be me nagging him at every turn. She said “we were the same”. This surprised me.
it’s certainly not fun to feel like I’m having to push everything forward. Is this more common than I think?
This topic was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by ellebea82.
Post # 2
Mmmmmm,….. Honestly I didn’t have to push my hubby to propose or plan the wedding. He never showed any hesitation, really. Perhaps, once you’re engaged officially, give it a little time to enjoy that initial phase, then slowly start bringing up the planning. Sounds like he’s just slow about these things. Hopefully he’ll surprise you and be more on board with the planning than you think. Honestly I don’t know a lot of men who are really into all the details of the wedding anyways, as long as you’re confident he wants to marry you, it’s ok to take the lead sometimes! Good luck! Post your ring when you get it!!
Post # 3
I didn’t have to “put my foot down” for an engagement. But wedding planning with my Fiance is annoying.
He says he doesn’t care, so I show him what I decided on and suddenly he does care and hates it.
This happened so many times that now the agreement is he doesn’t hear about it, and I just take his money And deal with the whole thing. He will just show up on the day!
Oh well. At least I know it will be perfectly to my liking!
Post # 4
Mine wanted to propose but he is bad with money. Our situation also made it difficult because he paid for everything for me becauase legally i wasnt allowed to work in the states but he wanted me there for as long as i could stay as a visitor each time. he kept saying he was saving money because he wants to get me a ring. I decided it was too much pressure and he didnt know anything about jewellry at all. I really wanted to avoid the whole solitaire round in a gold band thing (not that there is anything wrong with that, its just not me… Its very traditional). I decided to research (something he finds intimidating) to find alternatives and was very heavily involved in the whole designing the ring. i do feel like it takes away the romance and i feel like i “put my foot down” in the sense that I moved up the ring buying time table. Honestly, he would have rushed it, bought something i didnt like, just to avoid legally marrying me (for my visa) before proposing. anyway, at the end of the day i am happy for him waiting as long as he did and me researching bc what i thought i liked, i didnt, what i thought i didnt like, i love. And im so happy we found a great affordable alternative. Its a win-win all around, but he hasnt proposed yet and that i told him is all on him 😛
Post # 5
I understand 100% … This is my exact story lol. However, im finding the closer he gets to actually giving me the ring (which is currently locked up and driving me crazy because i want to see it) the more he lightens up about the idea. I don’t like feeling as if ive forced him into this commitment but I do tell him a lot that if he doesn’t want to marry me at all then its something we need to talk about and I dont want him to feel pressured, and he tells me not to worry and he loves me and wants to be with me forever (i’m still worried).
He has recently started talking to me about wedding plans instead of shrugging it off completely but he still gets slightly annoyed if I talk about it for too long or too often. He’s definitly warming up to it though, my biggest fear is he feels pressured and hes not talking to me about it. I love him more then anything and if he’s not ready to make the commitment, or would rather elope, i’d work through it with him.