(Closed) GF offered to pay for ring

posted 8 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
614 posts
Busy bee

I think that if the two of you are comfortable with her paying some and it gets her the ring she likes in a shorter timeline, sure why not. I see no problem with it personally

Post # 4
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Catal Restaurant

I think it really depends.  I live with my fiancee and we share everything we have so for me to help pay for my ring would be nothing.  If she is picky about her ring and feels financially it may put a burden on you then I would understand her wanting to help pay for it too. 

Post # 5
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I offered.  He didn’t take me up on it, but I don’t see a problem with it.  I paid for the whole wedding and we kind of split the honeymoon.  Once we married it’s all “our” money anyway – what does it matter if you come into it with a bug chunk out of your savings, or you both come into it with a smaller chunk out of each of your savings?

I totally get wanting to get your girl what she wants and do it on your own, but maybe you could have her take over paying for the cable and electric instead? 

Post # 6
176 posts
Blushing bee

It depends on the couple and where the relationship is at. Generally it’s understood that the man foots the bill for the ring. However, some women want more than their alotted budget and thus offer to contribute to have what they want in the time frame that they want it.

For us. We live together. Our finances are kind of shared. Though the ring was purchased technically by him… we made the descision on the amount that was appropriate to spend and the ring together. We make every big financial descision together.


Post # 7
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Sure I don’t see a problem with it. If by contributing that means she gets her dream ring now then that will save the trouble of upgrading or changing it later. 🙂

Post # 8
364 posts
Helper bee

@otto2008:  If we were in a tight financial situation, I would offer to help pay for sure. If he was well off and could afford it without much effort, I wouldn’t. While I don’t feel that the man has to provide monetarily for the woman, I think it’s important that he can take the time and put in the necessary effort to show her how important she is to him. I am the one in the relationship who is always doing little things, and I would rather spend my money on him than myself, so if he was in a position to buy it on his own I wouldn’t offer.

Post # 9
1308 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My mom helped pay for part of hers.  Neither one of my parents had any money back in the day.  I’d say if you talk about it and agree beforehand (the amount, etc.) then I see no problem with it.

Post # 10
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

 I certainly would hold it against my man forever if I had to contribute paying for my ring. Lol, that ring is supposed to be a token of his love for me and it doesn’t feel like a gift if I have to pay for it.

Post # 11
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think it depends, but in general, yeah… I think the guy should pay for the ring.

If she wants something out of your budget then I think it’s fair for her to pay the difference.

I wouldn’t overthink it. It’s not like you’ve come on here and are trying to get her to pay half because you’re against getting a ring or something.

In the end, as long as the ring fits comfortably within the budget of you two as a couple (like this isn’t cleaning out your savings to buy a house together) then any arragement that works for you as a couple is fine.

Post # 12
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I didn’t technically pay for my ring, but it’s not like FH was hiding money to pay for it.  It was purchased on his credit card and with some bonus money, our household budget is with our joint income.  While I didn’t DIRECTLY pay for my ring, technically I’ve helped pay for it as I’m helping pay of his credit card.

Post # 13
2500 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

Did you give her a budget and she has her eye on something that’s a bit over it? If so, then i think its okay, and that she doesn’t want you to go in debt so she offered to pay the difference 🙂

Post # 14
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@otto2008:  Once we joined our finances, I suppose I ended up putting in on some of the final payments.  I had no issue with it at all!  It was an investment in OUR future.

Post # 15
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@otto2008:  If it’s because she wants an expensive ring (or above budget ring) I would take her contribution. For me, it’s not about gender, but the fact that it is a gift. If it’s more of a symbol thing than a gift, I think it’s smart to share the costs (when you’re married, you’ll do that all the time anyway).

Post # 16
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am an Older Bee (over 50)

And I am not a fan of a woman paying or contributing to her own ERing.

Beyond having a traditional view point on this, I am big believer that it should be 100% a Gift to the Woman as part of “The Proposal” to be a married couple.

I grew up with the belief that in Modern Times this is one of the few things that is ALL about the Man.  His territory.  That men take great pride in this element of asking a woman to marry them (ties back into their “Hunting” Nature… and providing etc)

And in some way every man (worth marrying) should be able to organize himself enough to save up and make such a “sacrifice” in his life to make The Ring & Proposal happen.

When a woman offers to pay or contribute she is changing the dynamic of the relationship, and that ultimately the man will see her differently… and perhaps take her for granted etc.

I know that NONE OF THIS appears to make any sense on the surface… but I also know that a lot of things about Men & Women are genetic and hard to explain to begin with.

I certainly know first hand that in my First Marriage I was a very modern thinking progressive woman (1980s) who poo-pooed all this infomation.

My First Hubby took out a loan for my Bridal Set, and in the end when we moved in together it was I who was making the bulk of the payments (so essentially buying my own ring)

I also know what my Elders told me about his INTEREST in providing for me came to pass…

He Just Wasn’t That Into It… not that he expected me contribute my share (I was very happy to do that)… BUT that he wasn’t that interested in contributing his !!

He truly saw Marriage as something that should be more in his favour, than mine, or OURS.

He benefited from the status position, my money, my time & energy, my homemaking skills, and my wilingness to raise the kids.  He was a good father, a shitty husband, and a piss poor provider… in that he saw ALL the money that came into the home as HIS… even the stuff I brought in.  It was most definitely a case of what was his was his, what was mine was his too.  And there was no real ours, despite my understanding that to be so.  Stuff I sadly didn’t truly comprehend until we got our Divorce 20+ years later.

So ya, I learned my lesson the hard way.

I now have a whole different of what Marriage should look like (not 50/50 but rather 100/100) and that a successful marriage happens when 2 people decide to bring ALL THAT THEY HAVE… to the table and share it equally… so no more I pay 50% and you pay 50%… but rather… We put all in to equal 100% and then divide up from there 50/50

I’ve learned that if a man cannot show his willingness to PUT ALL IN thru the purchase of an ERing then he probably isn’t going to be that willing to do down the road.

And when I talk to men about this issue… the ones who truly are head over heels, say they would never ask their women to pay / contribute… they would be offended by that… they see their women as worthy of the honour of such a gift.

So ya, it could be traditional thinking… it could be nature (or even nurture)

All I know is when I see Marriages that are working 25 years on, it is usually a case of where the guy was head over heels, he “created” an environment where the woman felt comfortable, and was willing to provide for her without reservation in times when she needed him the most and wasn’t able to provide for herself … such as having & raising kids.

To me “The Proposal” and “The Ring” are part of that process…

And as my Elders said, part of the evidence of that commitment and the understanding that goes along with that.

And in my mind it doesn’t have to be a mega ring… it just has to be the symbolic gesture of the guy being able to save up, organize it, and get it done… Period.

Hope this helps,


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