Post # 1
Last sentence: “Called her out for checking on my private stuff.”
I know most Bees are hardcore “no snooping,” but with so many women posting on the waiting boards agonizing over waiting for a proposal. What would be your thoughts on this situation and how this boyfriend handled having his privacy violated? If she knows his Reddit handle, why would he assume Reddit was “his little special corner” of the universe?
Info: No one on Reddit seems to have interpreted this as a sh*tpost, so this seems to be something that someone actually did.
Post # 2
He’s an asshole. There were other ways to handle this other than being cruel. I’m anti-snooping but two wrongs don’t make a right.
They clearly have trust and communication issues so it’s best the relationship ends.
Post # 3
notmeeither : I think it’s kind of funny and wouldn’t dump him for it. But I would be eagerly waiting for a proposal! Lol
Post # 4
lifeisbeeutiful : Apparently she WAS waiting for a proposal, LOL! At least she got a manicure out of it.
hikingbride : I’m not 100% against snooping in all situations, so I was having trouble interpreting this one. Usually, I think that a couple either wants to snooop early on in a relationship to sort of gauge certain things about their partner or their partner’s intentions, or much later in a relationship when they have lost trust. I don’t necessarily think it’s “right,” but I’m comfortable with my partner doing that to me and he is with me looking at his things and I can’t imagine a relationship where a hard “no/don’t peek” would quite work.
I find it really interesting that this girl was “tricked” into believing a proposal was on the horizon, and he was so completely non-focused on a for real proposal that he thought it was a funny way to “trick” and “teach her a lesson” over. Someone who is really thinking about marriage to that person at any point in the future wouldn’t weaponize it. I wonder if that says something about how some people have mismatched interpretations of their relationships. Is this one of the reasons why so many bees post “waiting” threads and think proposals are coming, while the man’s version of the story would be that they are comfortable “for now” in the relationship they are in?
Post # 5
hikingbride : well to be fair he did handle it another way, he talked to her about snooping and she denied it aka lied about it. It was an arsehole thing to do on both ends but I think she is more in the wrong since he hadled it maturely in the first place by asking her and she lied. He just used her lie to catch her out.
Post # 6
I think it’s kind of funny and wouldn’t dump him for it. But I would be eagerly waiting for a proposal! Lol
Really !!?? Good God. I think it’s bloody awful . Not saying she should have snooped, but to arrange a fairly elaborate hoax to punish her is to essentually say ‘there my girl , see how bad you’ve been, you wiill have to be a lot better than that to be worthy of the ineffable gift of my hand in marriage’ Ugh.
Post # 7
notmeeither : my husband knows my username for wedding bee but that doesn’t mean I want him looking through my posts. I’ve obviously put these out into the world but if he pawwed through my previous posts it would feel like snooping. Even if my husband was a wedding bee user, I wouldn’t expect him to re-read everything I’ve posted but obviously he would see posts if he then went to post in the same thread. So I get why the guy feels like reddit is private.
It’s also not as simple as reading his posts. She’s read his personal messages and then lied about it. Waiting for a proposal doesn’t justify that you can read his messages. I think what he did is a dick move but at the same time if my husband lied to me about invading my privacy, I can see the need to catch him in the lie. After this, I think our relationship would be over. If I was her I don’t think I could take the nasty trick he played, even if it was my own doing. And for him I don’t think I could trust her to not invade my privacy.
Post # 8
Would be furious!! but not to the level of dumping him.
Post # 9
In my opinion, snooping is a serious crime in a relationship and I don’t think people regularly snooping are in a position to get engaged and shouldn’t be “waiting”. The title makes it seem like he actually proposed but didn’t mean it, whereas all he did was comment on Reddit that he was going to do it. I actually found it a bit funny.
For context an ex snooped on me for my entire relationship and because of it I lost my autonomy. So for me, it’s up there with cheating. It’s a complete violation of trust. And it can be used as a way to control people without their awareness. It can be a sign of abuse.
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
She read his personal messages. If she would have minded her business and stayed out of his account, especially considering she already knew he was suspicious of her snooping around, she wouldn’t have gotten tricked.
Not the nicest way to handle the situation, but it gets the message across that fell on deaf ears the first time around.
Post # 11
She snooped. She got caught. She LIED about it when confronted. She didn’t come clean afterward. She continued snooping. Not only do I think he did the right thing by setting up a trap she could only fall into by snooping, I think he should have dumped her once he got confirmation that she’s a liar who habitually violates his boundaries.
Post # 12
notmeeither : I agree that he tried to handle it in a “better way” and she wasn’t mature enough to fess up and admit what she’d done wrong. I think she’s the asshole, I think his way of forcing her to admit snooping is kind of hilarious honestly. But I don’t really understand “agonizing” over a proposal either.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2019 - City, State
She snooped and then lied about it. When you lie about something like that it’s going to start breaking the trust. And to me that is major deal breaker. I guess if he didn’t go to the extreme maybe she would have just blown it off as it’s a no biggie situation. I bet she won’t ever do that again. Lesson learned I am sure. I wonder how many of her friends she told smh.
Post # 14
Normally I would be up in arms over a fake proposal and how effed up that is, but in this case, she kind of had it coming.
She snooped and then lied about it when he tried to get her to admit it. She literally denied it when she had the opportunity to talk about it. That’s messed up
He then found a way to prove she was snooping and lying about it and she got caught. I don’t feel bad for her in this case.
It would have been different if she had just admitted she snooped. Some of us do it, whatever. I don’t recommend it in most situations but I personally don’t think it’s worth breaking up over unless it’s constant or out of control or used to control someone.
Post # 15
This sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. Neither one is a prize.