Post # 31
neverbeenstungbee : Came across your posts as I was reading this thread. Your attempts at derailing this post and shutting down conversations is extremely strange. People respond to each other on the internet. Not sure what you are even doing posting if you are not open to other people responding to you to give nuance or build on your ideas. That’s a normal part of being part of a community on a forum. The other poster was nothing but respectful toward you as far as I can see.
Have some self control and don’t respond to me. I will not engage with you anymore as don’t want to derail this thread further.
Post # 32
notmeeither : What the girlfriend did was terrible, but what the boyfriend did was even more messed up. Trying to catch her and to get his revenge is even worse than snooping in my opinion.
Totally unhealthy relationship, and both people are immature.
Post # 33
By handle it another way, I meant he probably should have just ended the relationship. I have no tolerance for this kind of bullshit by either of them. His prank or whatever was completely unnecessary. We are also only getting his side of the story so who knows how he initially addressed it or if he really did. j_jaye :
Post # 34
princessanon0125 : Reddit is basically a large aggregator of fora on various topics (called subreddits). People have usernames that allow them to upvote/downvote threads and follow subreddits in addition to posting and commenting on threads within subreddits. For example, the OP was posted on a subreddit dedicated to proposing scenarios and asking if the poster was “the asshole” in the scenario.
The OP’s “private time” could really be anything, from live commenting on games in sports subreddits, to posting memes in humor subreddits, to venting about his girlfriend in relationship advice subreddits, to trolling in inflammatory political subreddits, to commenting on porn videos or communicating with women posting their nudes in NSFW subreddits.
Again there’s no way to be certain why OP’s girlfriend was snooping. Was she specifically looking for his Reddit username because she was suspicious about his posting habits, or was she just on his ipad looking at everything? The OP suggests a general snooping habit, and it does sound like it was unproductive snooping if she wouldn’t talk about it, but people can definitely engage in dealbreaking behaviors on Reddit specifically. Based on the OP we would assume the girlfriend has never expressed a concern with OP’s Reddit activity, but it would be an assumption.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Redditors in general are very protective of their devices and are quick to cite their violated privacy when their partners find objectionable activity on their Reddit accounts. I personally don’t consider posts from online fora accounts private, even if they are pseudonymous. If my SO read my comments here or on Reddit I wouldn’t consider that a violation of my privacy. But I realize others may consider their SO finding their username to be a violation of privacy in itself if they haven’t shared it.
Post # 35
Seems messed up from every angle.
I would have to hear from the girlfriend about the “snooping” before I would be content to say what they did was equally bad.
I would prefer my SO not go through every post online I’ve made and every text/msg/dm I’ve sent since we got together, but the truth is I don’t have anything to hide from him, so I wouldn’t be mad about it. I’d be concerned about why he thought he needed to do that, but we don’t have secrets.
Obviously she shouldn’t have lied about looking at his messages or whatever, but thinking “I’ll stage this big elaborate fake proposal to expose her snooping and hurt her” is super vindictive and unkind so that’s a big nope from me.
Post # 37
girlfriendphd : Thank you for clarifying on what reddit is. Im not really up to date on all the website forums. My old age is showing lol.
Like you I think if you are posting on a public forum then you have to be aware that eventually someone might figure out who you are. I just recently started tweeting…my niece laughed at me when I called it twitting. She fixed me right up and said its tweeting not twitting.
I think they are both in the wrong. She shouldnt have snooped, but I sort of think what he did was even worse. He not only did a fake engagement thing but then posted the fallout on reddit. She isnt innocent but what she did doesnt rise to being publicly humiliated.
Post # 38
bywater : agreed, where is the “I would have dumped her” option. He wasn’t mature in this either though
Post # 39
- Wedding: March 2014 - Chicago, IL
Ok ladies, agree to disagree and move on instead of arguing with each other and derailing the thread.
Post # 40
If I was the girlfriend, I would have first been pissed, and then felt like a dumbass for lying. I don’t see any scenario in which she could feel justified in being mad, honestly. If she wasn’t a lying liar, she wouldn’t be in that situation in the first place.
But, also agree with all of the other bees that this relationship appears to be unhealthy and should either get help through therapy or end it. If she’s so desperate for a proposal that she’s snooping, there are bigger problems.
Post # 41
His method of proving his point was kind of mean, but I feel like that’s what the fuck she gets. She snooped and lied repeatedly. I like a good trickster lesson.
Post # 42
FYI, apparently on another thread he said that the ring was one he bought for another girl and he was hoping to ‘recycle’ it for the next one.
Obviously they both have communication issues. And I’m wondering what was going on in that private message he had sent months ago, which he is pretty vague about.
Post # 43
strawberrysakura : I saw that too, and this just adds another level of shadiness.
FYI to everyone else… his most recent update:
“She has seen this post and we are going to have a chat this evening about the future of our relationship. She has asked me to make sure I’ve read every single comment.”
Post # 44
Oh! I haven’t seen the updates! When I saw it, I hadn’t seen him respond to anything yet. I was wondering where he just happened to get a ring.
My Darling Husband and I have been together for a decade, and in that decade a lot has changed on the internet as far as opportunities for exposure to cheating, emotional affairs, exposure to cam girls, etc. Reddit has a lot of areas where someone could potentially cause a Girlfriend concern or hurt. Nudity isn’t just porn category, it can be interactive with women or linked to their media pages to drive up subscriptions to their other content on other platforms. A lot of people don’t have issues with porn watching, but paying for and interacting with a specific nude female and talking with her would probably be a different category. Reddit also generates a lot of news articles from their (otherwise) unseen content from someone who thinks they are anonymous — like has happened here, on the Bee. So other than DMs, I can’t imagine that he felt completely anonymous forever. Or, why he responded by going to such a dark place when he caught her.
I have a feeling that she found something she didn’t like when she snooped. When women on these boards snoop and don’t find anything and are confronted, they admit it and break down into tears about why they were paranoid and apologize. This girl lied about it, and a comment from someone recently who did something similar mentioned that they didn’t want to “show all their cards” so that “he would change his behavior patterns and hide things more.”
Maybe I am wrong about that. But it seems strange to me that he would get mad enough to want to hurt her. I guess snooping feels far more violating than I realize. I can’t imagine that someone who wants to “teach someone a lesson” in a way that is intentionally painful, that they seem to enjoy, is going to treat their SO well. And the OP’s Girlfriend clearly has trust issues.
Post # 45
This is a prime example of poor communication in a relationship.
He should be pissed at the snooping and lying. She is right to be disappointed, but she kind of had it coming.