Post # 1
It’s been a year since my ex and I split and ive finally caught my groove back with this dating thing! Excited. I recently met a guy that I enjoy. Hes a few years older then me. Im in my late 20s hes in his early 30s. When we first met we communicated a lot and hes asked me out on all the dates that weve been on since we met. We have a great time together and were taking things really slow (didnt kiss til the third date). He stated that he is interested in pursuing a relationship and hopes that it will possibly be with me.
WELL…. During the holiday weekend I did not hear from him AT ALL. He liked all my photos that I posted with my friends, but did not reach out. On our last date, I brought up the fact that he rarely texts me now. He stated that it’s partial hes at work and partial hes not a phone person. While it was an okay answer, I did not hear from him two days after our last date. So I texted him asking him if he was still interested in moving forward. He proceeded to write me an extremely long message stating that he feels like im pushing him away since we first began. Why you ask?? We had a running joke that he was going to be ghosting me after our second date. On our most recent date I made a joke that I was going to ghost him in a few weeks. He took that really personal and stated that he feels like I was serious about ghosting him and that he feels like I am trying to find a way out. Which I told him that was not the case at all.
Furthermore, he stated that he does not call every day because he wants to respect my space and wants to make sure that we can be our people without the requirements of checking in daily, but his lack of converstation does not mean he likes me any less. He also said he would never go multiple days without checking in.
I dont know how I feel about anything he said. He says he is still interested in moving forward with me, but does not seem to let up on the texting thing. I am wondering how do we build a relationship if we only see each other once a week and barely talk. I dont really care if he talks to other women at this point and I made that clear, as a long as he stays honest with me about his intentions. He stated that he is not dating anyone else but me at the present. But Idk what to do.
Post # 2
blacktea24 : I would move on from this guy, you cannot get to know someone who you see once a week and isn’t open to speaking to you between dates!
Post # 3
What he says doesn’t matter. His actions indicate that he isn’t interested so I’d see other people. Forget him
And LOL at how he took the time to like your photos but couldn’t text you. Sounds like your typical immature, game-playing jerk
Post # 4
blacktea24 : How recently did you meet? If I met someone and they were talking about ghosting me, then also expecting me to contact them everyday when we have just met, I would likely look elsewhere. Talk about mixed messages.
Not contacting you within two days after a date, is not a problem in my book.
Post # 5
julies1949 : has a good point… don’t make jokes like that lmao.
Post # 6
The joke itself was a running joke between us. Which he stated in the text that he knew it was, but took it personally when I gave him a “date” but for the last month weve been on-going joking about ghosting. So if he started to take it personal he shouldve spoke up then.
Post # 7
How long have you been seeing each other? If it’s been longer than a few months, I would lay it out for him very simply:
When you’re building a relationship, communication is important. You would like to be in contact frequently enough to continue to get to know each other between dates, and at some point soon, you would like to start seeing each other more often, as once per week is “dating”, not building a relationship.
If you’ve only been on a handful of dates, no matter how promising he seems, you shouldn’t be waiting on him to text or ask you out. You should be actively chatting with or seeing other people until he makes it known (of his own accord) that he is interested in moving from dating to building a relationship.
Post # 8
I think the problem is here: You said that HE initiated every date you’ve been on (“hes asked me out on all the dates that weve been on since we met”), which means you’ve never gone out on a limb to ask him on a date. Well, that’s cool to play hard-to-get for a bit, but at SOME point even men want to know that the person they’re dating is interested enough to take the reins. And with the ghosting joke compounding things, he may legitimately feel (and I don’t blame him) that you’re not as invested as he is.
Dating is a crazy thing; there’s a real balance that needs to be struck with many people. One person shouldn’t [and often doesn’t want to] have to do all the work and have to be so vulnerable. Remember that if he asks you out every time, YOU are the only one who can do any kind of rejecting. That means he’s always vulnerable. You can just sit back and passively be asked out, which means you hold a certain amount of power to accept or reject him. That’s gotta suck, which is why I would trade off asking guys out or texting first, etc. My sense is that he feels like he’s doing all the legwork and is constantly risking something without getting a good sense in return that you’re really invested.
So if you want this to continue, ASK HIM OUT. Be vulnerable. Take the reins!
Post # 9
obviousanonymous : Hey obviousa! Thank you for replying. Actually I did ask him on our most recent date after not hearing from for four days before that. So ive def initiated text converstations and dates with him. Most of the time I am the one texting him first now a days.
Post # 10
Stop texting him. Move on.
Post # 11
Please don’t take this harshly— but I’m going to guess his diminished contact has nothing to do with any kind of joke you all made about ghosting (regardless of what he says). He has probably just lost interest. Don’t waste anymore time on him.
Post # 12
Honestly what he’s doing would be fine for me, I’m not a daily check in person, but it sounds like you might be, or at least more than him. You may just not be compatible.
Post # 13
I’m not going to comment on whether or not he is interested, because we honestly don’t know, but I do just want to point out a couple of contradictions in your post which you yourself may not be aware of:
* You said you were taking things slow, but you want him to text you every day or at least more often than he is texting you now. These are two contradictory desires – either you want to take it slow, or you want to take it at a faster pace. You can’t have both. To me, texting every couple of days is taking it slow. Seeing each other once a week is taking it slow. What do you want? To take it slow or to see and talk to each other often? You can’t have both.
For what it’s worth, I think taking it slow is a very good, fail-safe idea for the first couple of months at least. Seeing each other several times a week and talking every day can easily drum up intense feelings which can cause you to be attached prematurely and miss signs that you should be paying attention to.
* You say you don’t mind if he sees other women, but at the same time you want to build a relationship. Which is it? You are completely letting him have control of this situation and seem to be saying that you don’t mind him seeing other women as a protective mechanism. You are basically saying that if he treats you casually, then you will be ok with him seeing other women and will pick up the slack by texting him first, but if he wants to build a relationship with you and contact you and set up dates more often, you are fine with that as well. What do you want? Stop letting guys run circles around you and being blown wherever the wind takes you. Make a decision about how you want to proceed and communicate that to him. The worst that can happen is that he doesn’t want the same thing as you, and then you know where you stand.
If I were you, I would put down the phone and stop initiating dates and conversations with him (since you say you are doing it more often). Give him a chance to come to you and show his interest if he’s going to. In the meantime, go on dates with other guys. If this guy doesn’t come back, *shrug* at least you will be well on your way to meeting someone else.
Post # 14
He’s playing games. Liking your posts but not contacting you, blaming you for his behaviour by saying you’re ‘pushing him away’, making out he’s doing you a favour by not contacting you with the ‘I’m rspecting your space thing’. Men who are interested in a relationship don’t behave like this. Time to move on, you know what to watch out for with the next guy.
Post # 15
Maybe he liked your posts, because he was being nice and the reason for not constantly texting was because it’s only been a few dates!! Honestly this sounds like a lot of drama being created way too early on. Also, people tend to joke about things that are sensitive to them as a comfort technique…if you take the joke too far, it’s no longer comforting. It sounds like you two are both being awkward and misreading each other. The beginning stages can be scary when you actually are thinking the person could be a good match, it’s hard to keep your cool. I think you should either let the dust settle and go with the flow more, or move on. It’s way too early to be laying out rules for how much contact is normal.