Ghosting and Texting.

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 2
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

blacktea24 :  I would move on from this guy, you cannot get to know someone who you see once a week and isn’t open to speaking to you between dates!

Post # 3
1022 posts
Bumble bee

What he says doesn’t matter. His actions indicate that he isn’t interested so I’d see other people. Forget him

And LOL at how he took the time to like your photos but couldn’t text you. Sounds like your typical immature, game-playing jerk 

Post # 4
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

blacktea24 :  How recently did you meet?  If I met someone and they were talking about ghosting me, then also expecting me to contact them everyday when we have just met, I would likely look elsewhere. Talk about mixed messages.

Not contacting you within two days after a date, is not a problem in my book.


Post # 7
1043 posts
Bumble bee

How long have you been seeing each other?  If it’s been longer than a few months, I would lay it out for him very simply:  

When you’re building a relationship, communication is important.  You would like to be in contact frequently enough to continue to get to know each other between dates, and at some point soon, you would like to start seeing each other more often, as once per week is “dating”, not building a relationship.  

If you’ve only been on a handful of dates, no matter how promising he seems, you shouldn’t be waiting on him to text or ask you out.  You should be actively chatting with or seeing other people until he makes it known (of his own accord) that he is interested in moving from dating to building a relationship. 

Post # 8
214 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I think the problem is here: You said that HE initiated every date you’ve been on (“hes asked me out on all the dates that weve been on since we met”), which means you’ve never gone out on a limb to ask him on a date. Well, that’s cool to play hard-to-get for a bit, but at SOME point even men want to know that the person they’re dating is interested enough to take the reins. And with the ghosting joke compounding things, he may legitimately feel (and I don’t blame him) that you’re not as invested as he is. 

Dating is a crazy thing; there’s a real balance that needs to be struck with many people. One person shouldn’t [and often doesn’t want to] have to do all the work and have to be so vulnerable. Remember that if he asks you out every time, YOU are the only one who can do any kind of rejecting. That means he’s always vulnerable. You can just sit back and passively be asked out, which means you hold a certain amount of power to accept or reject him. That’s gotta suck, which is why I would trade off asking guys out or texting first, etc. My sense is that he feels like he’s doing all the legwork and is constantly risking something without getting a good sense in return that you’re really invested. 

So if you want this to continue, ASK HIM OUT. Be vulnerable. Take the reins! 

Post # 10
4692 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Stop texting him. Move on.

Post # 11
516 posts
Busy bee

Please don’t take this harshly— but I’m going to guess his diminished contact has nothing to do with any kind of joke you all made about ghosting (regardless of what he says). He has probably just lost interest. Don’t waste anymore time on him. 

Post # 12
826 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Honestly what he’s doing would be fine for me, I’m not a daily check in person, but it sounds like you might be, or at least more than him. You may just not be compatible.

Post # 13
672 posts
Busy bee

blacktea24 :  

I’m not going to comment on whether or not he is interested, because we honestly don’t know, but I do just want to point out a couple of contradictions in your post which you yourself may not be aware of:

* You said you were taking things slow, but you want him to text you every day or at least more often than he is texting you now. These are two contradictory desires – either you want to take it slow, or you want to take it at a faster pace. You can’t have both. To me, texting every couple of days is taking it slow. Seeing each other once a week is taking it slow. What do you want? To take it slow or to see and talk to each other often? You can’t have both.

For what it’s worth, I think taking it slow is a very good, fail-safe idea for the first couple of months at least. Seeing each other several times a week and talking every day can easily drum up intense feelings which can cause you to be attached prematurely and miss signs that you should be paying attention to.

* You say you don’t mind if he sees other women, but at the same time you want to build a relationship. Which is it? You are completely letting him have control of this situation and seem to be saying that you don’t mind him seeing other women as a protective mechanism. You are basically saying that if he treats you casually, then you will be ok with him seeing other women and will pick up the slack by texting him first, but if he wants to build a relationship with you and contact you and set up dates more often, you are fine with that as well. What do you want? Stop letting guys run circles around you and being blown wherever the wind takes you. Make a decision about how you want to proceed and communicate that to him. The worst that can happen is that he doesn’t want the same thing as you, and then you know where you stand.

If I were you, I would put down the phone and stop initiating dates and conversations with him (since you say you are doing it more often). Give him a chance to come to you and show his interest if he’s going to. In the meantime, go on dates with other guys. If this guy doesn’t come back, *shrug* at least you will be well on your way to meeting someone else.

Post # 14
573 posts
Busy bee

He’s playing games. Liking your posts but not contacting you, blaming you for his behaviour by saying you’re ‘pushing him away’, making out he’s doing you a favour by not contacting you with the ‘I’m rspecting your space thing’. Men who are interested in a relationship don’t behave like this. Time to move on, you know what to watch out for with the next guy.

Post # 15
3607 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe he liked your posts, because he was being nice and the reason for not constantly texting was because it’s only been a few dates!! Honestly this sounds like a lot of drama being created way too early on. Also, people tend to joke about things that are sensitive to them as a comfort technique…if you take the joke too far, it’s no longer comforting. It sounds like you two are both being awkward and misreading each other. The beginning stages can be scary when you actually are thinking the person could be a good match, it’s hard to keep your cool. I think you should either let the dust settle and go with the flow more, or move on. It’s way too early to be laying out rules for how much contact is normal.

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