Ghosting and Texting.

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Location

Ugh this is exhausting and you’ve only been on a few dates? He sounds super high maintenance “text me!” “I’m busy!” “Don’t ghost me!” “We need to remain independent!” 

Move on.

Post # 17
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

blacktea24 :  

Stop chasing him.  

When a decent, normal guy is interested, he makes it clear enough.  You barely know the guy and you have already wasted a ridiculous amount of time trying to analyze and interpret his behavior.

Ghost.

Post # 18
Member
4481 posts
Honey bee

Why are you wasting this much time on a guy who you’ve known less time than some of the yogurt I have in my refrigerator?  It really shouldn’t take this much work to analyze stupid shit like this.  You went out on a few dates, you tried, you move on.  Thank you, next.

Although for future reference, maybe see joking about all the ways you both are going to f*ck up the possible relationship and engage in shitty behavior towards each other (i.e. ghosting) as a topic to be avoided.  It’s really not as funny as both of you seemed to think it is and just generally not a good idea to joke about, especially when you barely know the person.  You have inside jokes with your BFF or partner of a decade, not a rando you’ve had a few dates with.  It’s a time where you’re generally on your best behavior and trying to find out more about each other…joking about ghosting is generally not a good “getting to know you” topic unless you’re just a dick and trying to get that out in the open right away.

Post # 19
Member
7383 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

You say you didn’t hear from him for days at a time but did you reach out to him in that period? Do you take the initiative and call him if you want to talk to that day? 

Post # 20
Member
824 posts
Busy bee

blacktea24 :   “He stated that he is interested in pursuing a relationship and hopes that it will possibly be with me.”  He hopes it will possibly be with you? This sounds like someone who is still dating others and hasn’t fully decided if you’re the one he wants to become exclusive with or not, which is fine if you both do this during the early period of dating but he should be up front about it. 

Also, re joking about ghosting, I think that joke played itself out but you kept on going with it long after you should have. You may think this is a couple-y kind of  in-joke the two of you have going on, but when the relationship is so new neither of you have a very good read on each other yet. He may be put off by how often you bring it up and wonder if it’s some kind of testing-the-waters/ passive aggressive motive you have going on there. I know my husband and I joke around a lot and take the piss with each other, but things we joke about now could easily have been taken the wrong way or too seriously when we were in the getting-to-know-you-stage. 

Add to this you really do seem to be giving him mixed messages. You want him to text you more but take it slow, you really really like him but joke about ghosting him, hell I’m confused, why wouldn’t he be? I may be off base here but it seems like you want to play hard to get but then get alarmed when he doesn’t seem to be pursuing you? 

If you really do want to try and build something with him, give it one more chance and ask him out. Nix any ghositng jokes or ‘you don’t text me enough’ talk (it’s really too soon for that as well). If he acts too busy or uninterested, move on. 

Post # 21
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

He is sending you mixed messages so I would just move on. When a guy is interested the messages won’t be mixed.

Also I cannot imagine in what context ghosting could be something to joke about. That sounds strange to me. If you have ever been ghosted, even by a friend, it can really hurt. I wouldn’t do it. 

Post # 22
Member
10587 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

jess9090 :  

I can see people tossing ghosting lines around if they are both extremely insecure.  Sort of a combo of testing the waters, self defense, and discharging anxiety at the same time.

The problem with that technique is that no healthy, decent guy will want to play along.  It isn’t cute, funny, or pretty. Self assured, confident women don’t indulge in such nonsense.

The make believe intimacy of pretending to have an *inside joke* is another tell.  Couples’ banter is part of the glue that holds partners together. But, it develops organically.  Pet names, inside jokes, even their own language—this all takes time.

When you meet a new guy and make *jokes* about how he will probably ghost you; healthy, secure guys are going to be scanning for the exits.

Post # 23
Member
11974 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

The ghosting thing was at most a self deprecating comment, meant to be funny, but IMO missing the mark the first time, much less after that. In his place I’d see the ongoing “joke” as coming from a place of insecurity and a need for control. 

Seeing someone once a week is still very early stages.  Pressuring him about the frequency of texting at this point is overbearing. Either he shows with actions and words that he wants to move forward or he doesn’t.

One of several things is possible. He really liked you, and you scared him off, he is taking it slow and despite what he says he’s been seeing multiple people, or he moves too slow for your taste. 

I’d back off at this point. He doesn’t sound all that interested and it’s not supposed to be this hard. If that’s not true, you’ll find out soon enough. 

Post # 25
Member
412 posts
Helper bee

Things guys DON’T do: stop pursuing a woman they like because she made a stupid joke about ghosting.

Things guys DO do: ghost a women they’ve lost interest in, but never admit to it when the woman calls them out in it, and instead makes excuses about being busy and taking things slow.

I know this post is old so maybe you’ve already moved on, but just keep in mind, when a guy likes you its obvious and you don’t have to wonder what’s going on.

Post # 26
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2029

Scorpiolove_10 :  I’d say forget him.  That kind of behavior is torture and his actions speak disinterest.  A happy relationship is steady, not boucing from ghosting to texting.  If he wanted a future w/you, he wouldn’t be doing this.

Post # 27
Member
225 posts
Helper bee

It just shouldn’t be this hard. I don’t really know what else to say. Guys pursue pretty relentlessly when they’re really interested.

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