Ghosting: has it happened to you or have you done it?

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
  • poll: Choose all that apply:
    I have been ghosted once. : (33 votes)
    17 %
    I have been ghosted more than once. : (33 votes)
    17 %
    I have never been ghosted. : (25 votes)
    13 %
    I have ghosted once. : (31 votes)
    16 %
    I have ghosted more than once. : (47 votes)
    24 %
    I have never ghosted anyone. : (24 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    8646 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    crumbledoreos :  Assuming a relatively new relationship, saying you are no longer interested and wish them well is perfectly adequate. You don’t always owe someone closure or the unvarnished truth. What are you supposed to say ” I really couldn’t stand the way you eat with your mouth full and find you to be an insufferable bore?” 

    Post # 47
    Member
    5192 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Also just wanted to comment for those of you who think this is something new or a result of online dating…my grandmother was actually ghosted BY HER FIANCE back in the 40s. 

    Not sure how long they had been together but this asshole asked her to marry him, she said yes, and then he legit disappeared. He told her he was going home (a town over) to tell his parents of the engagement and she never heard from him again! Turns out once he was home he married someone else and never explained a thing to my grandmother (she read about it in the newspaper). Some people just suck. 

    Post # 48
    Member
    791 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    4 months is a long time, that’s rude. I’ve totally ghosted people after a date or 2. I did it to one guy after 2 dates (he was seriously annoying and texting me every 2 seconds so I just decided to stop responding) and he went super crazy on me… I didn’t even feel bad after that, just left me feeling like I dodged a bullet!

    Post # 49
    Member
    8646 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    llevinso :  I agree that ghosting is nothing new. In my mom’s day women would have to turn down the offer of a date two or three times before the guy would get the message. Ask your parents or grandparents. It used to be standard operating procedure.

    Fading out and away was considered the better alternative to being rude and blunt. Everyone knew what the rules of the game were so nobody was insulted. The pursuer could imagine any number of scenarios that didn’t involve being told in no uncertain terms that they are incompatible or there is no “future.” 

    Post # 50
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee

    I’ve been ghosted so many times, I can’t even count on one hand anymore. 

    I went on one date who I thought could have been the real deal, but then he stopped talking to me, only to reappear a year later asking for tickets to a football game for the college I worked for. That’s probably my favorite.

    It happened like ALL THE TIME once I moved to BMore. I had one guy ghost me, but still send me snapchats – including a picture of him and his new girlfriend. He then texted me when she broke up with him because he was so upset and wanted to know if we could get a drink. 

    Post # 51
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee

    I have ghosted a couple of times after a first couple dates and you’re not into it. Lots of times guys just wont take the hint and I was super bad at telling people straight out. I told one guy I just wasn’t ready for a relationship, then about a month and a half later I changed my fb status to “in a relationship with so and so” and he blew up my phone. 

    I’ve also ghosted a friend of mine, I saw her at a store but when she saw me she turned around and faced the other way, and just stood there lol. After I left the store I had a message from her “Hey were you at “store”?” I deleted it, deleted her from fb and didn’t talk to her again. If you don’t want to talk to me why would we be “friends”? 

    Post # 52
    Member
    2802 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I’ve ghosted, but only in very specific situations… after a 1st date where someone’s behavior was completely offensive and off-putting to the point where I felt he didn’t “deserve” an explanation …with someone I had been out with 3 times and I had already tried to politely end things. After I “ghosted” he sent me an extremely belligerent messages, followed by occasional dick pics. His behavior was borderline stalker and I was just happy that we had met online and he didn’t know where I lived.

     

    I’ve also been ghosted and it totally offended me because of my policy of only ghosting on crazies! 

    Post # 53
    Member
    412 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2017

    I’ve ghosted an ex.. we were in a relationship for a little over 2 years and I found out he was cheating on me and I never talked to him again. 🤷‍♀️

    Post # 54
    Member
    502 posts
    Busy bee

    I’ve never ghosted/been ghosted in a relationship.

     

    Did have a work aquaintance once working on my master’s that just couldn’t get the hint that I didn’t want to be her best friend. We didn’t have a whole lot in common, nothing ever really clicked, and every get together was a long nonsensical ramble of her issues. She was nice enough, but I didn’t want to start a friendship with her first of all and second I was graduating and moving to a totally different state in two months. We had texted friendly for work since she did set up for my labs, but then somehow it turned into her randomly hanging out in my labs (go away! I’m teaching ffs!!) I had said so many times that I didn’t have the time for making new friends during wedding/moving/graduating and she just got more forceful with it. It got weird. She did text me a couple times after the move and I just didn’t respond. Probably could consider that a slow fade/ghosting, but I really didn’t know what to do with her and I didn’t want to scream FFS GO AWAY YOU CRAZY LADY at her. 

    Post # 55
    Member
    609 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I don’t know if this counts as ghosting, but I was online dating and was talking to this guy, and we were supposed to meet up at this coffee place. I got my makeup done and was all ready to go but I suddenly became super duper nervous. Like I could not bring myself to get out of the house and kept overthinking things. I ended up texting him and apologizing that I would not be there. I deleted my account before he could read the message or respond. I hope he didn’t live too far from the coffee shop.

    Post # 56
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    If it’s after internet-only communication, I don’t really have an issue with it, because that’s kind of fake, anyway.

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