Gift amount for sister+FBIL from me+SO (POLL)

posted 2 months ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How much did you gift a sibling / how much did a sibling gift you?
    0-50 : (3 votes)
    4 %
    50-150 : (21 votes)
    27 %
    150-300 : (22 votes)
    29 %
    300-500 : (16 votes)
    21 %
    500-1000 : (9 votes)
    12 %
    1000+ : (6 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    1608 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2019

    We gave $500 to fsil and I think it was too much. We never got a thank you Card, yes I’m still salty about it. But I have learned not to be so generous again. Not saying your SIL is like that but that’s my take. .

    Post # 3
    Member
    311 posts
    Helper bee

    I gave $100 at her bridal shower and then $400 at the wedding, from me and SO.

    Post # 4
    Member
    667 posts
    Busy bee

    These things are not at all black and white. When my brother got married, I was just out of grad school, starting my own business, still living with our parents. I gave him more than I would give to a friend but not as much as I would have given him today, now that I’m more established. When I got married, he gave us A LOT more than what I gave him. He’s in a really good financial position and was able to do so. We are really grateful for it but I in no way feel bad for not having been able to do the same for him.

    Be as generous as you can be and don’t stress if you can’t give a certain dollar amount.

    Post # 5
    Member
    308 posts
    Helper bee

    Gave my sisters and BILs a lot, but I also spent almost nothing on the wedding itself except for travel, and hotel. The dresses, makeup, extras, gifts were all paid for. So I give quite a bit.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1884 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I haven’t given siblings wedding gifts in the past and they didn’t give me one.  However,  we have all be very helpful with each others weddings. I was only 17 when my brother married,  so I didn’t even think of getting him a gift.  I helped with set up and cleanup and food(veggie trays and salad,  I was a poor college student) for my first sister’s wedding.  The next sister, I helped her sew her wedding dress and put together decor(very crafty DIY reception, it was awesome. )

    The next sister I helped with set up and cleanup for both her receptions and made ridiculous amounts of Spanish rice and salad for the buffet.

    For my wedding,  my sisters and brother helped with set up and clean up and putting together wedding favors and alterations for my dress.  I’d never have asked them for a separate gift in addition to their time.  It was a lot of fun working together to get everything ready and I treasure our time together since its harder to get together now with everyone having their own interests and families. Their assistance with the wedding was more than enough and I am beyond grateful for it. 

    I do have one last yarrow sister so I’m looking forward to s33ibg what she does with her wedding.

    Post # 7
    Member
    741 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    This really depends on your relationship, and your personalities. If your sister understands your financial situation and you two are close, I don’t think you necessarily need to give anything other than your love and support. It depends on your family dynamics and expectations, but in my family, love has no hidden dollar signs. 

    When I was my sister’s maid of honor, I was still in undergrad and had virtually no disposable income. I gave days of my time, helping with everything possible for the wedding preparation,  pouring my heart into my toast, etc, but I did not give a monetary gift. I consider my sister to be my best friend, and I’m sure she didn’t need a check to tell her how much I love her or  how happy I was for her.

    When my sister was my matron of honor, she did everything she could for me, too (helping decorate the venue, helping me get ready, etc). But money was tight for her family, with two young kids, and I did not expect (or receive) a monetary gift. I still knew 100% how much she loved and supported me. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3509 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    hibeesknees :  we gave my sister $1500. my brother gave us $2000, sister gave us $0 (we specifically told my sister and her husand that we did not want a gift from them and if they tried we wouldn’t accept it, as she was Maid/Matron of Honor and he officiated, and they were expecting a baby, had just bought a house, and are both school teachers. they are defiitely the least financially well off of all the siblings)

    Post # 9
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I gotta say, I think this is pretty skewed to the higher side.  Granted, I don’t know anyone’s age/financial situation/income level, but I think you’ve gotten a lot of responses from people in very good financial situations with probably really good jobs who are decently established in their careers.  That tends to be how things are skewed around here with the people who respond to things like this.

    I’m 24, my husband is 25, and we’ve been married for 2 years now.  In that time, one of his siblings (age 27), his best friend (age 25), and one of his cousins (who’s like a sibling – age 27) have gotten married.  We gave $200 to each of them because, while we could have given more, it would have stretched us a bit financially.  When we got married, we got $200 from his brother and his now wife, nothing at all from his best friend and his now wife (who tagged onto the card that the friend’s parents gave us), and I think like a $100 gift card from the cousin (who went in on the gift card with like 5 other people).

    It really depends on your family, the area you live in, and what the norms are in your social circle, as well as your own personal financial situation and what you feel comfortable giving.

    Post # 10
    Member
    9622 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2016

    In this hypothetical I’m assuming you’re my age, regardless of your siblings age, and if so I’d gift my sibling and their fiance around 250-400 I think, so I chose 150-300. (Though I guess I should have maybe chosen 300-500).

    Given your exact situation though: financially struggling, already spent 600 on parties and dresses, I’d stick with a nice $100 gift.

    Post # 11
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2018

    I gave my brother and SIL $250 last year. They are two years younger than me, and I was able to afford it financially. My mom felt it was too generous, but it was what I felt comfortable giving. I also threw my SIL’s shower and was a bridesmaid, but this didn’t factor into the amount I gave them as a gift.

    Give what you feel comfortable and are able to give. It’s a gift. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1281 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2018

    I don’t think it’s tit for tat. It just depends on financial situation. My sister gave me $30 (she’s 22 and had a lot of student loans). I gave $100 at the last wedding I attended and would give the same to my sister if she was married today.

    Likely she will get married in a few years and I may have quit my job to have children, so I may no longer in a position to give $100. Just give what you feel comforatble giving.

    Post # 13
    Member
    784 posts
    Busy bee

    It all depends on where you are financially. When my sister got married about 6-7 years ago, I was struggling financially and single, I bought her gifts that probably equalled about $40-$50, and even that was tough for me to afford. These days, between my SO and myself, we have given a couple we didn’t know well $150, and a couple that were pretty good friends $300, so I’d imagine for a sibling we’d probably give around $500 or so. But again it all depends on your financial situation, I’m sure your sister will be appreciative of anything you can give her, considering your current financial situation.

    Post # 14
    Member
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    It blows my mind how generous/able to give some people are. I cannot even fathom giving thousands of dollars to a sibling, and I’m very close to my sister. My sister bought our invites as a wedding gift, and those were around $200 and so appreciated. I think $100 is plenty, and is what we give to our close friends for their weddings. I live in a fairly big city in the Midwest, so maybe it’s a geographical or socioeconomic thing, or I’m just terribly stingy.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1067 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    My sister gave nothing. But she took pictures at our dinner after the photographer left and I’m grateful to have them.

     

    She is not married.

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