Post # 1
I am wondering if I have been under a misconception or what is the norm. I was always under the impression that gifts were given to the couple at the shower and at the receoption itself you gave a monetary gift to “cover your seat”. I have been to over a dozen weddings and this has always been the practice. Now if you can’t make it to the shower then you bring both gifts to the reception.
I was talking to Fiance last night and he said that his family will do one or the other and has never done both. They are going to his cousin’s wedding and taking a gift but no monetary gift.
I am just wondering what is proper ettiquette, or what is the most popular option?
Post # 3
I don’t think anyone should show up to a wedding without a gift thats just being curtious.- but showers are different, if you can make it to the shower you should def bring a gift – if you cant make it, it would be nice to send one but i dont think you HAVE to do it – as a guest i personally wouldnt show up to either without a little something for the bride/groom
But also, as the bride, i wouldnt just expect gifts from people.
Post # 4
@StormyRose: I actually never bring a physical gift to a wedding unless it’s a card with money… it’s such a hassle to move big boxes after the reception! Also, with weddings, you’ve got up to a year to give a gift, so people might be sending something off the registry to be delivered at home.
Post # 5
Here, I’ve never heard of someone bringing a gift to a shower and then not giving a gift for the wedding, unless they couldn’t make it to the wedding. If someone can’t make it to a shower though, usually they won’t bring both to the wedding, they would either send it to the bride sometime around the shower or send it to the shower with someone or else just not give a shower gift.
Wedding gifts aren’t necessarily monetary gifts, it’s quite common here to have a gift table at the reception pretty full of presents. I hadn’t heard that you should send the gift to the couple until I read it online. That’s extremely uncommon here, the closest you tend to get is gifts being held at the closest store to the couple. If the couple was far away from where they would be living, I would just give a cheque or a GC.
Post # 6
I think you should always bring a gift to the wedding, but I do think it’s becoming more popular for it to just be monetary.
However, if I bring a gift to the shower (which you always should if you attend it,) and I am not very close to the couple, then I will probably give a smaller gift or a relatively small amount of money to the reception.
But I think it is rude (especially from the bride and groom’s perspective) to view a gift or money at the reception as “covering your seat.” It should be whatever you want or are able to give. Just because they chose to have a fancier reception or something, does not mean that you should feel obligated to give a bigger gift!
Post # 7
Monetary gifts aren’t required (really, no gift is). If they were, it would be called admission. Not a gift.
It’s a nice gesture to “cover your seat”…but it’s not a requirement. A reception is party that guests are invited to attend. Not a show they have to pay for.
Gift, money, nothing…I don’t care what guests bring as long as they come!
Post # 8
I think it depends on your culture. We bring either a gift or money. And if you can’t go to the shower, we usually just mail the gift to the couple.
Post # 9
Here, most people give a gift at the shower and either a monetary or physical gift at the wedding (often gifting by mail versus hand delivering at the reception)…I’ve never heard of it being unusual to give an actual (usually from the registry) gift as the wedding present, though I know a lot of people prefer to give cash instead.
Post # 10
I have just never heard of either or. I was always given the impression that it was both as long as you were invited to the shower. And they were… so I was floored when he said his family will give one or the other but not both. If you are only invited to the wedding then you typically bring a monetary gift. You can bring a registry gift, but I thought it is typical that you give cash or gift cards.
Post # 11
A shower is a gift giving occassion, generally an actual item. By accepting a shower invitation you are signing up to bring a gift.
A wedding is generally a gift giving occasion but it is not mandatory. Etiquette says though, that all gifts should be sent to the bride or couple at home, not brought to the hall. Basically, if you are close enough to the couple to want to share in their wedding, you should feel close enough to them to celebrate their wedding with a token gift.
A gift is something given freely. It is never required to “cover your seat”. It is actually considered impolite to even speculate what people are spending to host you.