(Closed) $ Gift Etiquette?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@808mjm202:Not at all,. Gifts are about what you can give. If it was just tit for tat–why give at all?

 

Also, you could buy a gift instead of giving money if it makes you more comfortable!

Post # 5
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i don’t think it would be expected. the ecomony sucks, it makes a lot of people nervous, and a lot of people are facing uncertainty about their employment. that makes people that may have been more carefree in their giving before, now more conservative. i think you give as you can, and recieve with gratitude.

Post # 6
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It depends on the culture.  I’m doing two weddings (pray for me)

One Catholic and one Buddhist.

From what i’ve learned the American Catholic wedding, a gift is a gift.  Give what you can.

For the Buddhist reception.  A ledger is kept of all monetary gifts.  That gift is to be “paid back” either by their wedding or their children’s wedding.. or somehow – it gets fuzzy.

Asian customs get a bit complicated.

Post # 7
Member
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think honestly, my inner guilt/desire to be equal would want me to give the same amount that I received.  Though I think practicality would win over in a situation that giving the amount I received wouldn’t be feasible.  (And in that case I’d try to get a gift, so it wouldn’t be so obvious 🙂 ).

Since it’s customary to give money where you are, (and it seems that people give what they can, not give what you give), I think for the upcoming wedding you’re attending, also give what you feel comfortable giving, not what you feel you HAVE to. 

Post # 8
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Unless you have a huge financial difficulty I would give back the same amount or something in the same realm, travel costs considering of course.

But if one gave you $500 I wouldn’t go to their wedding and give $50.

@lynnchee:

And yes, in many Chinese weddings a ledger is kept and you are expected to “pay it forward” the same amount + inflation. The day after our wedding my brother & mom sat down and counted all the red envelopes and wrote down what all guests from my side gave. When those relatives’ kids get married we will be gifting them back the same amount. As was the case when my cousin got married a few months after me even though we were unable to attend.

Now, some of the guests on my husband’s side were obscenely cheap in my IL’s opinion. For us we joke about it but we were happy they made the trip at all for our wedding so we considered that as part of their wedding gift to us. On the flip side when their kids get married we are not going to gift them the $50 they gave us just because that’s what they did. We would never personally give that low in any area/economy/travel considered situation.

Our rule of thumb is we tend to have a minimum we will give then at least cover our portion of the catering bill. So estimate pp + service charge. And sometimes our bare minimum is way above what we know our portion of the catering bill is which is fine because that’s what we are comfortable giving.

Post # 10
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When I’m giving a gift, I don’t take that into consideration at all. And while I haven’t gotten married yet, I do hope that when I receive my gifts that I don’t notice or care how much people’s gifts are worth.

Post # 12
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

but…now that I think about it again, isn’t $500 a TON of money to give for a wedding?! I wouldn’t expect anyone except my rich grandma to give that much! If someone gave that much, I would think, “wow, I guess they’re loaded.” and not every worry about how much I gave them.

I think that when you start adding up amounts (even like travel costs,) you are going to risk some hurt feelings or at the very least making judgements on your friends…

Post # 13
Member
2907 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@808mjm202:Are you asian or do you have asian family? The points above are correct.

 

Of course the $500 people are 1. loaded, 2. friends.  $500 is a TON for a wedding. $200 is the most generous gift or $ we’ve gotten, the average is well below. Maybe if you can afford it, $200 wouldn’t look bad, and it would be well received.

Post # 15
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

People give how much they can afford to give at that particular time. I dont think they have to give you the same amount you gave them.

Post # 16
Member
2246 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I think its best to give what you can afford

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