(Closed) Gift Etiquette & leaving The Knot

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think as long as the jewelery fits the BM’s personal taste and it’s not the only gift, it’s okay. But generally buying accessories for them to wear in your wedding is more of a gift to you than a gift to them.

Post # 4
Member
7902 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

First of all, your gift set includes other items, so even if the earrings aren’t a gift, it doesn’t matter. Second, it’s normal for people to gift jewelry expecting their girls will choose to wear it for the wedding. There’s confusion here because buying the dresses or paying for the hair and makeup is not a gift, mostly because those items are single use and geared so specifically for the wedding. Even most dresses that are chosen because they are rewearable are never reworn. Jewelry, however, if well chosen, will be reworn. Furthermore, you don’t have to make your bridesmaids wear it. Leave it as their choice. They’ll all wear it anyway, but then you’re not giving them something just for the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
947 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@coolcourtney:  I totally agree with your feelings about the knot. The entire community appears to be women who have been married for some time and whenever someone new asks a question they jump on them and the person subsequently never posts again. 

I’ve always wondered what the knot intended their community to be versus what it has become (I.e. totally NWR). Every subsection of the board (etiquette, wedding party, etc.) has its own little group of regs that are their to talk about what’s for dinner or what book they’re reading. It’s completely odd. 

Sometimes I lurk there because, to me, it’s like a train wreck I can’t stop watching.

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Others sites have group think on plus ones that every BF/GF no matter how recent gets an invite.  That is not what etiquette book says, they limit to spouse, fiancess and long term relationships.   The  group then comes back in group speak that well “I” had this relationship with my Boyfriend or Best Friend, and these relationships must be resepcted.

Other sites also have groups that  think that every step parent is treated as a parent.  That is not what etiquette books say.   Some step parents acted as parents, many do not.  When confronted with etiquette, they say, well if Stepparent is offended, you must placate them.  Its ridiculous, every bride will find there are some people who are offended that they are not invited, that they can not bring kids, you name it. 

Post # 8
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think what you’re doing sounds fine.  ๐Ÿ™‚  I was just in a wedding where the Bridesmaid or Best Man gift was a necklace and set of earrings that we could wear on the wedding day.  I didn’t see anything wrong with that at all.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@HC123:  

@mstellah:  

@coolcourtney:  

Hey guys, though I agree with some sentiments, I’m pretty sure that knocking other websites is against the Bee’s TOS. I wouldn’t want you to get in trouble since you’re new and seem to like it here! ๐Ÿ™‚

OP, in my mind, jewelry that BMs are required to wear for the event shouldn’t be thought of as part of the gift.

ETA: I gave my BMs individual (not matching) necklaces as part of their gift. They liked them so much they all wanted to wear them the day of w/o my asking.

Post # 11
Member
11 posts
Newbee

@coolcourtney:  

 

I think that is a great idea, and i know as a Bridesmaid or Best Man I would appreciate this.

Post # 12
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

Ultimately, if your bridesmaids will appreciate jewellery as a gift, then they’ll be happy with it.

In my personal opinion, I’d much rather be given nice jewellery to be worn on the day that I get to keep instead of something monogrammed or a wine glass with a picture on it because those kinds of things would go straight into a drawer until a suitable length of time had passed before i could throw it away.

I was given earring and a tiara from a wedding i was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in and although i never wore the tiara again, i loved the earrings and wore them loads. i never once thought the bride was rude for not getting me something else.

so if you think your friends will be happy with what you are giving them then do it – who cares what etiquette says – you know your BMs the best! ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 13
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think the idea is that since you’re probably giving an *identical* piece of jewelry to every Bridesmaid or Best Man, then it surely can’t be all that “thoughtful” and “individual,” (like given b/c you think it fits them) -which is what a true gift would be – so that’s why you shouldn’t consider it to be a “gift.” 

Post # 15
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

I do agree that gifts that are a part of the uniform are a gift for the couple.  They typically match a dress that the BMs are not going to wear again, and match the theme of the wedding versus the individuals tastes. No matter how much thought you put into it, it is VERY difficult to pick something that matches many different ladies’ tastes. 

BUT in your case you are also gifting things that do not relate to the wedding, so I think you are fine.

 

Post # 16
Member
4895 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I think pearl earrings are something that most women would be glad to have in their jewelry collection! They’re classic and timeless. Of course you expect them to wear the earrings on your big day, but they’ll likely wear them a lot more often than that. I have a good pair that I wear daily. I definitely wouldn’t mind recieving a pair as a Bridesmaid or Best Man gift.

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