(Closed) gift etiquette question

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
424 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t unless she invited you to it.  If she didn’t invite you, the only instance I would send a gift is if it was an extremely small wedding with family only and she told you ahead of time. 

Post # 4
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I don’t think you need to since you weren’t invited, but it would be nice if you did.

Post # 5
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t think you need to since you weren’t invited.  I think it would also be a little awkward since the only reason you know her wedding date is through stalking and she obviously made a point not to talk to you about it.

Post # 6
Member
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I wouldn’t send her anything either, unless you really WANT to (sounds like you don’t). I actually think it might make her feel awkward, especially since she hasn’t even talked about any of the details with you. 

Post # 7
Hostess
16213 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I wouldn’t worry about. Maybe you could send her a nice card, but it’ll be awkward for you to send and for her to receive a gift when you weren’t invited.

Post # 8
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i agree that it comes off as awkward if you send her a gift…she clearly already feels awkward that you didn’t make the cut on her guest list and i think she would just feel worse if you sent a gift.

Post # 9
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I tend to agree with Hillzie and futurekmm. It would be kind of weird to send a gift since she so pointedly refused to talk to you about anything wedding. If she did mention it is a small wedding and that is why you aren’t invited, I would send a card or a small gift. In this case, it sounds like I wouldn’t

Post # 10
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I wouldn’t send anything. If I were her I think I would find it strange/uncomfortable to receive a gift from a person who wasn’t invited to anything to do the wedding, and that wasn’t told anything about the wedding.

It’s really nice of you to want to send her a gift. But I think maybe she might think less of your friendship together than you do.

Post # 11
Member
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wouldn’t send her anything. I think you made more then enough effort in asking her about it and she has obviously avoided the issue, so you don’t need to worry about in the least. 

Post # 12
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree, unless you’re invited, there’s no reason to send a gift, even if she sent you one.  You’ve shown an interest and she basically blew you off, so I wouldn’t bother.

Post # 13
Member
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think i would just send her a card. Simple and thoughtful. 

Post # 14
Member
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I don’t think you need to send her a gift.  If you really feel the need to acknowledge the wedding you could always send her a card.

Post # 15
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you do decide to send a gift, which I don’t think you need to, wait until after the wedding. I’ve always heard that you never should send a gift before the wedding unless you’re sure you’ll be invited. Otherwise, it sort of looks like you’re fishing for an invite and then the bride and groom feel like they should invite you.  Awkward all around! In your situation, your friend really should have invited you though since you just got married and she was invited to your wedding.

Post # 16
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

If you aren’t invited I wouldn’t send a gift. A card would be a nice gesture, but only do it if you want to.

The topic ‘gift etiquette question’ is closed to new replies.

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