(Closed) Gift for parents who are paying for the wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I got parent gifts for both families, but because my parents paid for the wedding, I gave them a card with a little IOU note for a weekend stay to House on the Rock (in WI). They went once 2 summers ago and loved it and said they’d like to go back. I couldn’t find a gift certificate from the hotel there, and wasn’t sure exactly what weekend they would go so that’s why I gave the IOU, so maybe if there’s any type of activity, place, etc they like you could do something like that!

Post # 4
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee

@cbgg:  We were anticipating for paying for the entire weeding then my parents offered a significant amount so we decided to get them somethign they would have for a long time. A set of TAG watches. They are pretty expensive, but only a fractionof what we would have had to spend if they hadn’t offerred their $$. They would never have purchased that for themsleves, i think they will feel spoilt & love it.

Post # 5
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I was married the first time in the early 1980s…

Back then, most of the time the Bride’s Family paid for the largest portion of the Wedding (the Reception) and the Couple usually paid for the more “incidental” items

(In our case my Ex-H and I covered… either individually or together … Our Rings – Invitations – Postage – Officiant & Organist Fees – My Wedding Accessories including Lingerie, Shoes & Hair – His Tuxedo Rental – Outfits for the Ring Bearer & Flower Girl – Accommodations for the Attendants – All the Flowers – Our Photographer & Printed Photos / Albums – Wine for Dinner – DJ – Our Wedding Gifts to Each Other – Attendant Gifts – Our Going Away Outfits – and the Honeymoon)

My Dad also paid for my Dress & Headpiece, the fee for the Soloist at the Service, the Car Service we used to get all the important players to the Church… and all the Reception Costs… Hall Rental, Catering, Linens, Cocktail Hour, Wedding Cake & the Champagne for the Toast, etc.

In return… we gave my Parents (and his) what was considered the normal Thank You Gift fo the time… a Wedding Album filled with pictures they could share with anyone who came to their home for a visit… and a large framed Wedding Picture (on canvas) of the two of us framed for their Living Room.

Today, I hear of Brides giving back much much more to their Parents… such as trips, cruises etc.

Honestly, as a Parent myself, I think this a tad over the top (generous for sure)… as I’d rather see my Newly Married children use the money they have to get their lives established.  An Album or a Photo in my mind would definitely suffice.

Hope this helps,

 

Post # 6
Member
2669 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@This Time Round:  +1

 

My parents have given us a very generous cash gift to help with wedding costs. Fiance and I were talking about what to give them as a thank you gift, and it occurred to us that it seemed silly to give them anything super expensive since it would somewhat offset their gift! We’re giving my folks a nice wedding album. He hasn’t decided what he wants to give his folks yet but isn’t sure they would appreciate an album as much (totally different story).

Post # 9
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

TO @cbgg:  Based on my year here on WBee, I will say this.

There was still stress… but IMO a lot less of it than I read here on the Boards.

Especially when it came to Guests & Bridal Parties… I have really had my eyes opened on how this has changed. 

IMO Couples now are truly rude to their Bridal Parties… people who are supposed to be their nearest & dearest who do so much and stand up for the couple… and yet some Couples treat them shamefully… like slave labour.  So embarassing.

Gone are the paid accommodations for the Bridal Party – right for them to bring a date for the weekend – paid for “specialty items” (hair & makeup) – Bridesmaid Luncheon or Groomsman Dinner – personally chosen Thank You Gifts

No wonder the Bridesmaids balk at a Bride who wants “help” with her many tasks – Don’t find the need to show up at Appintments on time – Freak out at the Bride who wants HUNDREDS of dollars spent on attire… and aren’t that keen to go out of their way to Plan Showers – give the Bride a Gift from “the Girls” – and another for the Happy Couple

The expenses have most certainly tipped against the Bridal Party… as have the expectations from the Couple too.  Not really fare… no real give and take.  Which IMO makes it all quite a RUDE way to treat someone who is your Best Buddy.

And Guests… oh my gosh the “entitlement” of Guests nowadays is unbelieveable.  Once upon a time people were just happy to be asked to attend.

The one thing I will say is Weddings were a heck of a lot cheaper back then …

First because people had smaller less elaborate Weddings (but still very nice), and in most families the Parents chipped in considerably.

There is something to be said for all this modern thinking of “I’m working so I’ll throw my own Wedding cause I don’t want anyone telling me what to do = telling me things I don’t want to hear = not doing things MY WAY” (I’m sooo beyond Etiquette, that is sooo old fashioned)

BUT in reality, following at least some Etiquette makes things generally easier… as it was designed originally so as to cut down on problems (knowing the correct way to act in a social situation… meant everyone on the same page)

Parents picking up some of the tab ensured that the Couple were not majorly in debt from the get go… and they also served as a way to introduce / initiate the newlyweds into society.  All good things.  I wonder how much of that even exists today.  My having the essential elements to step forward as a “recognized social unit” went a long way in establishing the world that myself and my Ex moved into.  Etiquette combined with manners meant if one wanted they could become upwardly mobile pretty quickly in both society and their career.  Nothing bad about that.

It seems that is all lost now.

People seem way more focussed on stuff that truly only “lasts the day” and then is done.  As if SHOW is everything.

Weddings in my time weren’t nearly as elaborate, but they served a purpose of bringing two families together, and launching a new family.  There was for the most part a lot of love surrounding the couple.

Not to say there aren’t Weddings like that now (I am sure there are many)… but a good lot of the Pre-Wedding Posts I read don’t seem to be about the good times, mostly just the many facets of stress trying to have the Ultimate Perfect Day.

When I got married, that stress level didn’t exist… I wasn’t worried about the Ultimate Perfect Day… It was a lot more lighthearted… I was just focussed on getting married and everything else was secondary.

Hope this helps,

 

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