(Closed) Gift from my dad’s GF *long story*

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Maybe the Girlfriend won’t be around come 2013.  *crosses fingers*

(If she is, then wear them to your rehearsal dinner or some equally nice dinner/event.)

Post # 4
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am finding that in my engagement, sometimes people like to try force things upon you and I have trouble dealing with it as well, but I’m getting better. A married friend of mine said that her wedding taught her how to be more forceful in saying “no” to people. At this point I have just put it out there that I’m not being a bridezilla if I tell you “no”, I just know what I want and don’t want for my day. Suggestions are welcome, but don’t be offended if I shoot them down. I think you should make it known to her that you plan on incorporating them in your day. Maybe they’d make a nice accessory for the rehearsal dinner? You don’t have to outright say “these will not be walking down the aisle with me”, but you can say. “I think these will be great for the rehearsal and they’ll go great with a plan I have for our decor.” Good Luck!

Post # 5
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I would have tactfully told her how grateful you were for the gift, but say you already have something you planned on wearing (which would be a surprise so you can’t tell her what it looks like). 

Post # 6
Member
1628 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly, I HATE when people do stuff like that. I feel like it is super manipulative and selfish, because they think they have the right to make a decision like that for you—especially on your wedding day, and doubly especially when it is something you are wearing on your person. Talk about invasion of privacy!

If you want to make it appreciated, I’d follow your FI’s advice, and just tell her you can’t wait to wear it at the rehearsal dinner or whatever. You already expressed discomfort to her since you didn’t agree right away or keep silent….so it shouldn’t be a shock to her at least. No reason to feel pressured to wear it at the wedding–hopefully she just meant that it was something nice enough for the wedding.

Post # 7
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@liquidschwarrtz: I would start wearing the necklace when you are around the girlfriend so she can see you “enjoying” the gift – and just force a smile and don’t say anything if/when she says anything more about wearing it on your wedding day.  I really don’t think there is any need to even say, “Oh, we’ll see…” or “I’m not so sure…” when your wedding is still so far away.  If this girlfriend is still around once your wedding comes and she asks you about the necklace (maybe she’ll even forget about it by then?), you can say, “The pearl necklace is so lovely and I have been wearing it a lot ever since you gave it to me – but I decided to wear a vintage necklace from FI’s grandmother for the wedding because it matches my dress so perfectly.”  She has no right to get mad at you for choosing to wear a different piece of jewelry as long as you are polite about it.

Post # 8
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Could you incorporate it into your bouquet in some way? My girlfriend had a similar situation with her grandmother and then said gramma died so she just had her florist incorporate them into her bouquet.

Post # 9
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@liquidschwarrtz: I don’t care for pearls either, and like even less when being forced to do something I don’t want.

I think your FI’s idea is a good one – wear to bridal shower or rehearsal dinner, then incorporate into card box at the wedding.  From the background you gave, it doesn’t seem like she’d care that much, or say anything to you if you don’t wear it on your wedding day.

Post # 10
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@liquidschwarrtz: I don’t love pearls for a wedding (sorry, ladies), but it’s just my personal preference. If you don’t like them, don’t wear them. You will be looking at your pictures forever, you should like everything about how you look. You shouldn’t have to compromise your wedding look because she FEELS like being nice.

Post # 11
Member
7364 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I think wearing them for your engagement party or your rehearsal dinner would be good if its appropriate.  It may be a genuinely nice gesture so you don’t want to come off totally rude, but you also don’t need to wear them on your wedding day either.

Post # 12
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly, don’t wear them and don’t even worry about it. It sounds like this necklace is the first and only time this woman has ever showed any interest in you so what’s the worst that could happen? She gets mad that you didn’t wear it and stops talking to you? I agree you may as well wear it to another wedding function because it’s a nice gift and it may keep your dad out of an awkward situation. If she asks why you didn’t wear it (which I doubt she will, I had things pushed on me for my wedding day and no one questioned me when ultimately I chose what I wanted) just tell her “it didn’t look right with the neckline of the dress and did you notice I wore it to the rehearsal? I got a ton of compliments on it.” If she goes farther than asking the one time just walk away, she doesn’t have much of a right to dictate your bridal wardrobe.

Post # 15
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Wear them to the rehersal, if she is going to be there, and then tell your dad beforehand that you are not wearing them to the wedding and to please quiet her if she starts moaning and complaining. It was a nice guesture of her, but don’t feel pressure to wear something you don’t want to on YOUR wedding day.

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