Post # 1
I’m wondering about what is considered an appropriate/expected gift for a couple that I know.
A bit of backstory, I used to be close with the bride, but have since drifted apart. I had no expectation of being invited to her wedding. I didn’t receive a save the date (though I can’t say for sure whether they sent them.) I received an invitation two weeks before the wedding with a note that she had misplaced the invitation. My assumption was that I was on the “B” list for invites.
I’m not able to attend the wedding due to the late notice and prior commitments. What would be appropriate in terms of a gift? Am I expected to gift in the same manner that I would if I had been invited under more “normal” circumstances?
Post # 3
If you are not able to attend , a gift should not be expected. Gifts should never be expected anyway.
If you want to give a gift…. do they have a registry?
Post # 4
If you are not in touch on a regular basis and are clearly a B list invite, I would send a card.
Post # 5
You are not expected to give a gift.
You have options:
1. Give them something if you like and spend what you can afford.
2. Send them a nice card with your decline (or after you decline so it arrives sometime around the wedding)
3. Send the decline and be done with it.
Post # 6
I agree with PP. I would send a card.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone. You’ve reaffirmed what I was thinking.
Post # 8
if you are not close, i would send a congrats card only
Post # 9
To completely ignore the wedding (i.e. not sending a card) could be considered rude, and might offend the bride to the point of ending whatever friendship you do have. But a Congrats/Best Wishes card is all that’s required if you two are not close.
If you are in a position where you are financially able, and you feel as though you would LIKE to, go ahead and include a gift card or a check for a modest amount with the card. Or send a thoughtful gift, like a small silver photo frame. Don’t feel as though you need to send a gift or money though.
Post # 10
Actually, I would say that every wedding invitation, whether you attend or not, receives a gift even if it is something small. If that is not a finacially viable option or you feel like maybe you shouldn’t really have been invitied (such as a coworker that you don’t really know) then I would at least send a card with a personally written message. Given the circumstances and your relationship with the bride I would say that you needn’t get anything extravagant.
Post # 12
@UmbrellaMoon: Yep I agree. DH’s childhood friends did not send us a gift nor any type of congrats when they couldn’t come to our wedding….he could care less about the gift but he’s most PO’d that they hadn’t acknowledged that we got married until recently….when they wanted to share THEIR news with us.
Just saw a couple a few weeks ago….we drove an hour to visit them in her hometown in Germany and they didn’t ask us anything about the wedding….Darling Husband says he’s done with them. They only wanted to talk about how Darling Husband can get him a job over here….LOSERS!