Post # 1
So one of my best friends is getting married in 1 week across the country. I had RSVP’d yes however I have just been told by my doctor that I am unable to fly and therefore unable to go.
i know she has already paid $200 for my place/meal as it all had to be finalised 1 month in advance?
Do I still need to send a gift. And if so how much? Or is a call with my well wishes enough?
Post # 2
Were you not planning on giving a gift before you were told you couldn’t fly? If so, was that because you would incur expenses to travel to the wedding?
Post # 3
Answer is absolutely yes to a gift and what you would’ve given if you were attending
Post # 4
No I was always planning on giving her a gift. I have already paid for my airfares and I was staying with family so I can’t do anything about that.
Post # 5
She’s one of your best friends, don’t you want to send a gift regardless of whether or not etiquette says you have to?
Post # 6
Can you afford a present? Because I think that is a more important question than if you should buy a present. If you have an illness that means you can’t fly is that also preventing you from working?
I would never want my best friend buying me a present for my event if it would cause her stress.
Post # 7
I would call her and explain the situation. I think if you are able to send her a gift along with a card it would help ease any negative feelings she may have as it would show that you care about her. I don’t think it really matters what the value is as long as you can afford it and it is thoughtful.
Post # 8
I would give her the same gift I planned to give her before I couldn’t attend, or maybe a bit more as I would feel bad for not attending, assuming I could afford it. And I would try to be in touch over the phone/Factime or text to support her leading up to the wedding as much as we both were able. She is one of your best friends, correct?
Post # 9
Gifts are never an obligation, however, it is generally accepted as the norm to give a nice gift at a wedding and some people, such as myself, like to use the rule of thumb that the gift is about same cost as our plate.
You don’t have to send a gift and you’re probably not going to piss off your friend or cause any damage by not doing so, but if it were me I would send a gift or give her one next time I see her. I assume you were going to give her a gift if you attended, so you have already budgeted for that.
If your medical issues have out you in a precarious financial position, though, you might want to consider that your friend would feel guilty of you sent her a particularly expensive gift so if that is the case, I’d probably send something a small.
Post # 10
I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t give your best friend a wedding gift. Technically, nobody is obligated to give a gift to anyone. But in your case I think you absolutely should send something!
Post # 11
you should call the airline and ask what they might be able to do to help you out. Even if they do not have an official policy that covers your type of situation, many airlines are quite willing to bend over backwards to earn customer loyalty, especially if you are kind and respectful to whomever you speak with.
Basically call and tell them the situation – I was supposed to go to my best friends wedding but I’ve since been told by my Dr that air travel is not advised. Is there anything we can do to recoup some of the cost of these flights or to defer my travel to another time?
They may be willing to give you some airline credit for a future trip, or a partial refund if you cancel early enough and it is a flight that is generally easy to fill for them. Or perhaps they will allow you to transfer your tickets to another name, if there is another friend or family member who might want to fly to that particular location for those dates.
The worst the can say is no, leaving you in the exact same situation you’re already in. It can’t hurt to try and recoup what you can.
Post # 12
I would have planned to give a gift regardless. And if I had to back out last minute after she had already paid for my meal and other expenses related to my attendance, I would be significantly increasing the amount of that gift.
Post # 13
I would send the same gift I’d planned on before along with a nice card (assuming the medical issues haven’t put you in a precarious financial situation)
And I agree with sboom you should contact the airline, especially if you can get documentation that you were advised not to fly by a doctor. They may be able to do at least a partial refund or credit you for another flight.
Post # 14
At a minimum, you should be able to get the taxes refunded because the airline doesn’t have to pay the taxes if you don’t fly.
Post # 15
Its your best friend… why wouldn’t you?