Gift giving etiquette

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    47440 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Were you not planning on giving a gift before you were told you couldn’t fly? If so, was that because you would incur expenses to travel to the wedding?

    Post # 3
    Member
    2310 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Answer is absolutely yes to a gift and what you would’ve given if you were attending 

    Post # 5
    Member
    10517 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2016

    She’s one of your best friends, don’t you want to send a gift regardless of whether or not etiquette says you have to?

    Post # 6
    Member
    9179 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    bridesmaidbee :  Can you afford a present? Because I think that is a more important question than if you should buy a present. If you have an illness that means you can’t fly is that also preventing you from working?

    I would never want my best friend buying me a present for my event if it would cause her stress.

    Post # 7
    Member
    121 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    I would call her and explain the situation. I think if you are able to send her a gift along with a card it would help ease any negative feelings she may have as it would show that you care about her. I don’t think it really matters what the value is as long as you can afford it and it is thoughtful.

    Post # 8
    Member
    7801 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I would give her the same gift I planned to give her before I couldn’t attend, or maybe a bit more as I would feel bad for not attending, assuming I could afford it. And I would try to be in touch over the phone/Factime or text to support her leading up to the wedding as much as we both were able. She is one of your best friends, correct?

    Post # 9
    Member
    3091 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    Gifts are never an obligation, however, it is generally accepted as the norm to give a nice gift at a wedding and some people, such as myself, like to use the rule of thumb that the gift is about same cost as our plate. 

    You don’t have to send a gift and you’re probably not going to piss off your friend or cause any damage by not doing so, but if it were me I would send a gift or give her one next time I see her. I assume you were going to give her a gift if you attended, so you have already budgeted for that. 

    If your medical issues have out you in a precarious financial position, though, you might want to consider that your friend would feel guilty of you sent her a particularly expensive gift so if that is the case, I’d probably send something a small. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    1841 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    I can’t imagine why you wouldn’t give your best friend a wedding gift.  Technically, nobody is obligated to give a gift to anyone.  But in your case I think you absolutely should send something!

    Post # 11
    Member
    3091 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2021

    View original reply
    bridesmaidbee :  you should call the airline and ask what they might be able to do to help you out. Even if they do not have an official policy that covers your type of situation, many airlines are quite willing to bend over backwards to earn customer loyalty, especially if you are kind and respectful to whomever you speak with.

    Basically call and tell them the situation – I was supposed to go to my best friends wedding but I’ve since been told by my Dr that air travel is not advised. Is there anything we can do to recoup some of the cost of these flights or to defer my travel to another time? 

    They may be willing to give you some airline credit for a future trip, or a partial refund if you cancel early enough and it is a flight that is generally easy to fill for them. Or perhaps they will allow you to transfer your tickets to another name, if there is another friend or family member who might want to fly to that particular location for those dates. 

    The worst the can say is no, leaving you in the exact same situation you’re already in. It can’t hurt to try and recoup what you can. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    13903 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would have planned to give a gift regardless.  And if I had to back out last minute after she had already paid for my meal and other expenses related to my attendance, I would be significantly increasing the amount of that gift. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2634 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would send the same gift I’d planned on before along with a nice card  (assuming the medical issues haven’t put you in a precarious financial situation) 

    And I agree with sboom you should contact the airline, especially if you can get documentation that you were advised not to fly by a doctor. They may be able to do at least a partial refund or credit you for another flight. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    4482 posts
    Honey bee

    At a minimum, you should be able to get the taxes refunded because the airline doesn’t have to pay the taxes if you don’t fly. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1272 posts
    Bumble bee

    Its your best friend… why wouldn’t you? 

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