Post # 1
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
Ok so I know this is a LOADED topic with lots of VERY strong opinions. I want to make clear right now I am not comparing anything to do with my wedding (which has not happend yet) I am just curious about the etiquette with gift giving to a wedding you cannot attend. I wanted to know if you decline to go to a wedding do you normally still send a gift? My fiance and I have to decline and invite and are trying to figure out if we should still send a gift? We have had a few of our own No Rsvps come back with some wonderful gifts that really surprised me and my fiance. So now we are wondering if it is the norm to send a gift if you cannot attend the wedding?
Post # 3
Member
9123 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Where’s the poll option that says yes regardless of whether you’re close or very close? I think it’s good manners to at least send a small gift (~$25) from their registry along with a card.
Post # 4
Member
5949 posts
Bee Keeper
I would still send a gift, even if I could not attend…they were planning on feeding me, entertaining me and giving me cake…thats worth a couple of place settings in my book!
Post # 5
Member
1111 posts
Bumble bee
It is customary where I am from to send a gift even if you cannot attend the wedding. I have always done that and always will. There have only been a couple weddings I’ve been unable to attend, and I did spend a little less than I would have had my Fiance and I been able to go – but we still sent a gift and a card. I wouldn’t feel right not doing that.
Post # 6
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
Depending on how close I was to the couple, I might send a small gift but would definitely also send a card with a heartfelt message inside. If I wasn’t close to the couple (e.g. it was an ‘obligatory’ invite from a family member) I would probably just send the card and nothing else.
Post # 7
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
@lolot: Thanks for the suggestion! its been updated!
Post # 8
Member
13561 posts
Honey Beekeeper
We try to always send a gift if we can’t attend. How much we spend depends on our relationship with the couple.
Post # 9
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
@Ms Bookworm: Great OK nice to hear from another MN bride, thats what I thought but wanted to make sure!
@Nona99: LoL love that thought! Great point 🙂
Post # 10
Member
2582 posts
Sugar bee
We usually send (and recieved for ours) smaller gifts in the 25-50 dollar range.
Post # 11
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I always send a gift, even if I cannot attend the wedding. I had to do this for a wedding this past weekend, actually.
Post # 12
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
If I can’t figure out how I ended up on the guest list, I won’t send a gift.
Last year I was invited to my cousin’s wedding. I’ve not seen my cousin since somewhere around 1997 and not emailed, called, texted, sent postcards, or communicated telepathically with him. I genuinely do not know why his mother invited me (and I’m fairly sure the invite came from my aunt and not from my cousin himself). I still can’t tell you his bride’s name, don’t know what he does for a living, don’t know what city he lives in (just know it’s somewhere near Cleveland), for all intents and purposes we are strangers. And his mom and my mom hadn’t kept in touch either! So I was really scratching my head on that one. I declined the RSVP and did not send a gift, although I did send a card (just a card, though, no check inside).
For a co-worker that I consider an acquaintance but not a “friend” I sent a small gift from their registry, probably around $25.
Post # 13
Member
10450 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I would send one only if we were pretty darn close.
Post # 14
Member
6261 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
I would send a gift if I knew them and that the invitation was genuine. I wouldn’t send one if I thought I was just being invited to get more gifts.
I might have had a different opinion on this a few months ago, but pretty recently I was invited to a wedding and attended the ceremony with Fiance, and then found out there was reception after that we weren’t invited to, but about 90% of the guests were. I understand that that is necessary for some people, but after we bought gifts for the wedding/shower, and I helped the bride with desserts for after the ceremony, AND the reception was in a tent on her church grounds, with food her dad made (would it really have cost much more to invite us to that too?) I felt like I was invited only to get more gifts, because they have classified us as rich in the past, and felt taken advantage of. This will probably affect my future gift giving practices- sad, but true.
Post # 15
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
I couldn’t make it to the wedding of a good college friend last weekend and I definitely sent her a gift. Since she is a good friend I sent her what I would have given if I was at the wedding($200). If it’s someone I’m not close to I would probably give half of that amount ($100)
Post # 16
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
My guideline is, if I would like to attend this wedding but can’t, I send a gift. If it’s a wedding I didn’t really want to go to anyway, I send a card with a nice note. (If I attend, I always have a gift.)