(Closed) gift giving if youre not going

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think you need to be extravagant, but if you wish to give them (or can afford to) a gift then definitely go for it.  If you can’t or don’t want to, I still think a card would be a nice gesture.  Odds are, they stressed over whom to invite and so an acknowledgement and congratulations would be nice. 

Post # 4
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

On the other hand, in my invitation experience, I have received some really odd off the wall invites.  One in particular was from a counselor that I had fired the previous summer from a camp.  It was wierd, and I definitely felt like she invited everyone that she knew the first and last name to….so I rsvp’d no and did not send a card or a gift. 

Post # 5
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

If you want to, you can give a gift. Sometimes I decline because I simply can’t afford the travel expenses AND the gift, so I just don’t go. It depends on how well you know the couple too. Family or close friends I’d send a gift to. Not necessarily everyone though. I’m pretty sure I’ve gotten a few invitations from people I know UST so I’d send them a gift, not because they wanted me there because we definitely weren’t friends. Sometimes if mom and dad are paying, the bride invites more people for more loot. Not cool in my book, but some people are like that. I have lots of family who couldn’t afford to fly in, but wrote us a check with their "no" rsvp.  

Post # 6
Member
596 posts
Busy bee

I think it depends on a lot of factors – in this economy, I definitely wouldn’t expect any gifts from people are RSVP-ing no. 

 

Post # 7
Member
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

It’s definitely appropriate, but not required. However, if you attended their wedding and gave a gift, they should most likely return the favor.

Post # 8
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I think the general rule is yes, you send a gift if you can’t attend.  If nothing else be sure to send a card and well wishes!

Post # 9
Member
883 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

Traditionally, you send a gift if you cant go.

Post # 10
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Also, keep in mind that one has up to one year to send a gift.

Post # 11
Member
1116 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

For me, it depends on my relationship with the bride/groom.  I definitely don’t think one is obligated to send a gift just because they get an invitation!  But if I can’t make the wedding, I always try to reciprocate their time and effort to send me an invitation by sending them a card with well wishes.

Post # 12
Member
6009 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

The person who informed you of this rule might always give gifts if he/she can’t attend, but that doesn’t mean everyone will.  Gifts could be coming from guests who can’t make it, but I wouldn’t put money on it.  Some people just won’t send gifts no matter what etiquette states.  Honestly, I was disappointed by a few "no" RSVPs that didn’t even include a card, but c’est la vie! 

Post # 13
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve never heard of this before. I’ve seen people give and not give gifts when they weren’t coming.

Post # 14
Member
232 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

if i can’t go i send a gift off of the registry – usually in the $50 range.  if attend the wedding i usually give $200 – $300.  i figure that covers their costs for me and adds a little extra for them.

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