(Closed) Gift giving, is it expected?

posted 6 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Gifts are an option.  We had a several people not give us a thing. Not even a card.  I don’t care.  I only noticed if they were really close to us.  So I guess in those cases I expected a gift.  Pretty much everyone had to travel to our wedding so I understand.  These days people spend a lot of money to get to a wedding.  I know I have.

To be completely honest, I just learned a few years ago that you are expected to bring a separate gift to the wedding even if you’ve given a gift at the shower.  In some ways I still feel that’s silly but whatevs. 

ETA: Out of curiousity, I checked how many folks didn’t bring a gift.  Out of 95, (I didn’t count kids), 25 people did not bring a gift or card to our wedding.

 

Post # 4
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Gifts are never a requirement, so no, you shouldn’t expect them from everyone.  Now, odds are people are going to bring one because it is a social custom and they genuinely want to (which is why we register).  But it’s greedy and entitled to be upset when someone doesn’t give you a gift.  It implies that you invited more for their gift and less for their presence 

However, while I wouldn’t be mad at all that I didn’t get a gift from a guest, I think I’d be a little hurt if I didn’t at least get a card.

ETA: I would definitely not expect gifts from Out of Town guests.  They already have spent lots of money on travel and accomdations plus the most likely had to take time off of work.  I usually give less when I attend Out of Town weddings because I’ve spent so much on travel I just can’t afford a nicer gift.

Post # 7
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Gifts are never required. If they were, they’d call them “admission fees”

 

Post # 8
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know we will recieve gifts but if we didn’t I wouldn’t mind. Especially if they are from people who are traveling for our wedding. My Fiance entire family will need to travel for the wedding, so I would completely understand if they couldn’t afford a gift on top of it.  It isn’t cheap to attend a wedding out of town! I would be a bit offended if we didn’t at least get a card, but I wouldn’t worry all that much about it.

Post # 10
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@Firinne:  I think it’s all about the way gifts are handled.

Yes, I think it’s expected that gifts are given at your standard wedding ceremony. I’m eloping and I don’t expect anyone to get me anything.

However… it is considered rude to ASK for gifts. The expectation is there, but asking (i.e. printing the registry on invitations) is presumptuous and rude. I agree that sometimes it comes across as a bit silly how you need to tiptoe around it.. it would almost be easier for people if they just knew what to get you. However, in today’s world a lot of courtesies have gone out the window, so I think that in some ways it’s good that it is still considered rude to ask for gifts.

A gift is a gift… not something that should be demanded.

Post # 11
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Oh and I’m much more likely to bring a gift to a wedding not a housewarming. Quite frankly, I’ve never brought someone a housewarming gift (other than a bottle of wine or a snack for the party).  

Post # 13
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I figured people would give us gifts, but that’s because I know everyone I invited really well.  I didn’t expect or ask for it.  Most people had to travel, stay in a hotel, and maybe even pay a babysitter.  I wasn’t disappointed in any of our gifts. 

Post # 14
Member
10288 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Your OP makes it sound like you’re only having a wedding for the gifts which is pretty crappy. Gifts are a bonus and shouldn’t be expected.

With that said, I always gift because I’d feel awkward not bringing something but I’m not going to fault someone else for not doing so. We had a few people not gift us with anything and I got over it in about 2.5 seconds. 

Post # 15
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We knew everyone well. also.  We had just over 100 guests.  You just can’t assume that people will buy you a gift no matter the relationship you have with them.  You don’t know people’s circumstances and what else they have going on. 

I have been to weddings where I have given $200 and also where I have given $40.  It wasn’t a reflection of my relationship with the person but what I was able to give at the time.

Post # 16
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I don’t think people have to give you a gift. I will just be happy that they showed up.

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